Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Mystery solved! We now know who was behind the North Carolina robocalls:

Facing South has confirmed the source of the calls, and the mastermind is Women's Voices Women Vote, a D.C.-based nonprofit which aims to boost voting among "unmarried women voters."

What's more, Facing South has learned that the firestorm Women's Voices has ignited in North Carolina isn't the group's first brush with controversy. Women's Voices' questionable tactics have spawned thousands of voter complaints in at least 11 states and brought harsh condemnation from some election officials for their secrecy, misleading nature and likely violations of election law.

Women's Voices Women Vote have an explanation worthy of the Bush Administration as to why this all happened:

The group's spokeswoman Sarah Johnson confirmed to me that those were the group's calls and said that they were part of an effort to register three million women voters in 24 states. The fact that the calls came shortly before the North Carolina primary, potentially confusing voters, was unfortunate mistake, she said. We're "incredibly apologetic about the timing of
this." The group was simply working at such a "high volume" that it was "extremely difficult to tailor the mailing to every single state's schedule," she said. The calls precede the mailers, she said, because it increases the rate of response.

Right. So... it's "Women's Voices Women Vote," correct? Then who the fuck is Lamont Williams? They have no answer.

Carpetbagger notes:

Under normal circumstances, an aboveboard voter registration effort would start a robo-call by saying, “This is so-and-so from Women’s Voices, Women Vote and I’m calling to…” But that’s not what happened here; instead the robo-calls used a made-up person to leave messages and at least gave the impression that someone might need to complete some additional paperwork before voting.

The whole thing seems kind of odd, doesn’t it?

Why yes, yes it does. Smells an awful lot like voter suppression still, and I have just one question: why does this look like Hillary supporters trying to ensure potential Obama voters are under the impression they can't vote until they've returned paperwork, eh? I hope an investigation ensues.

In other news, another Bush hack bites the dust:

At the request of the White House, General Services Administration chief Lurita Alexis Doan resigned last night as head of the government's premier contracting agency, ending a tumultuous tenure in which she was accused of trying to award work to a friend and misusing her authority for political ends.

[snip]

Doan's resignation came almost a year after Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.), chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, said he believed Doan could no longer be effective because of the allegations about her leadership.

Waxman's committee began investigating Doan after stories in The Washington Post showed that she had approved a $20,000, no-bid arrangement last July with a business run by a friend and had tried to reduce the budget of the agency's inspector general.

I'm sure she'll be missed - by those she was doing the favors for. The rest of us are just happy to advise her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.

At this point, it'll be news if there's an honest person left in that bloody Administration.

Speaking of dishonest fucking bastards, check out Dick Cheney's latest hit:

The always-creative team of Dick Cheney and his lawyers are at it again.

The lawyer for US vice-president Dick Cheney claimed [Monday] that the Congress lacks any authority to examine his behaviour on the job.

The exception claimed by Cheney’s counsel came in response to requests from Congressional Democrats that David Addington, the vice-president’s chief of staff, testify about his involvement in the approval of interrogation tactics used at Guantanamo Bay.

Ruling out voluntary cooperation by Addington, Cheney lawyer Kathryn Wheelbarger said Cheney’s conduct is “not within the [congressional] committee’s power of inquiry”.

“Congress lacks the constitutional power to regulate by law what a vice-president communicates in the performance of the vice president’s official duties, or what a vice president recommends that a president communicate,” Wheelbarger wrote to senior aides on Capitol Hill.

I see. So, last year, Dick Cheney couldn’t be regulated by executive-branch rules because, he said, he’s not actually part of the executive branch. This year, Dick Cheney can’t be regulated by the legislative branch, either.

Next thing you know, good old Dick "Shoot Your Friends in the Face and Your Country in the Head" Cheney'll be claiming an exemption from God's wary eye.

However, I doubt he'll be able to run from a Democratic majority next year. Mwah-ha-ha.

John Derbyshire Gives Blogger Heart Failure

I hear your two questions: "Who the fuck is John Derbyshire?" and "Which blogger?"

This blogger. Me. And this is John Derbyshire. Everybody say "Hi, John!" Yes, I'm asking you to say hello to a conservative columnist. A cheery hello, at that. Even though he's a homophobic racist hypocrite (as he admits himself), we can extend a cautious hand of welcome. After all, for a conservative, he is, as he says, "a mild and tolerant" racist homophobe, which is damned near miraculous for a National Review Online columnist.

He immigrated illegally from Great Britian before he became legal and started hating on all the brown immigrants, so that likely explains why he's the kind of conservative who can give me heart failure for being rational, reasonable, and uplifiting.

I found him on The Panda's Thumb. He's one of the rare few conservatives who's been quoted as saying non-outrageous things about evolution. I still hesitated before clicking that "Continue reading A Blood Libel on Our Civilization at the National Review" link. I mean, it's the fucking National Review. It's fuckwit central. But I like to think I have courage, and at times even an open mind, although that's been hard to keep open after the abuse it's taken from the neocons. So I steeled myself and clicked.

His article has a promising start. Right under the title, it asks, "Can I expell Expelled?"

Absolutely, John. You most certainly can. By all means. I'd be delighted to hold the door open while you boot them in the arse, even.

Things then became a bit rocky, but I soldiered on:

What on earth has happened to Ben Stein? He and I go back a long way. No, I’ve never met the guy. Back in the 1970s, though, when The American Spectator was in its broadsheet format, I would always turn first to Ben Stein’s diary, which appeared in every issue. He was funny and clever and worldly in a way I liked a lot. The very few times I’ve caught him on-screen, he seems to have had a nice line in deadpan self-deprecation, also something I like. Though I’ve never met him, I know people who know him, and they all speak well of him. Larry Kudlow, whose opinion is worth a dozen average opinions on any topic, thinks the world of Ben.

Oh, deary, deary me. He loves Ben. No good can come of this.

So what’s going on here with this stupid Expelled movie? No, I haven’t seen the dang thing. I’ve been reading about it steadily for weeks now though, both pro (including the pieces by David Klinghoffer and Dave Berg on National Review Online) and con, and I can’t believe it would yield up many surprises on an actual viewing. It’s pretty plain that the thing is creationist porn, propaganda for ignorance and obscurantism. How could a guy like this do a thing like that?

Easy, my dear John. Ben Stein is an opportunistic assclown. He's snookered you into thinking he has a frontal lobe. I am so sorry you had to find out the truth this way.

Heh. You said porn. Hur hur hur.

So far, not so bad. Gingerly, I continued picking my way through the piece, convinced that at any moment, I'd get my legs blown off by a sudden claymore landmine of neocon fucktardedness. There were moments where I'd stop, breathless, convinced I'd just tripped a wire:

The first thing that came to mind was Saudi money. Half of the evils and absurdities in our society seem to have a Saudi prince behind them somewhere, and the Wahhabists are, like all fundamentalist Muslims, committed creationists.

Awshit. Just when it was all going so swimmingly, here we go with the Islamofascists are responsible for everything bad!!1!1!!! spiel. What a fucking disappointment... holy fuck, what's this?

This doesn’t hold water, though. For one thing, Stein is Jewish. For another, he is rich, and doesn’t need the money. And for another, the stills and clips I have seen are from a low-budget production. Saudi financing would surely at least have come up with some decent computer graphics.

Ye gods. Logic! Tortured, twisted logic, true, but considering we're dealing with a conservative mind writing in the National Review, that's pretty damned impressive. Most of them just leave it at "Islamofascists didit, blow them all to bits, the end." The man questioned his assumptions. He tried applying reason.

This is where the heart attack happened. Clutching my chest, I continued to read:

It is at any rate clear that [the producers of Expelled] engaged in much deception with the subjects they interviewed for the movie, many of whom are complaining loudly. This, together with much, much else about the movie, can be read about on the Expelled Exposed website put up by the National Center for Science Education, which I urge all interested readers to explore.

Total. Heart. Failure. He, John Derbyshire, a conservative writer for the National Review, just referred his readers, nay, urged them, to visit ExpelledExposed.com, not to debunk or sneer but to learn.

I'd say "be still, my heart," but you've stopped, so that's redundant at this point.

My own theory is that the creationists have been morally corrupted by the constant effort of pretending not to be what they are. What they are, as is amply documented, is a pressure group for religious teaching in public schools.

My heart stopped already, right? Can it stop again? He even freely admits that these fuckers are trying to pass religion off as science!

One of my favorite comments came from “Pixy Misa” (Andrew Mazels) who correctly called Ben Stein's accusing Darwin of responsibility for the Holocaust “a blood libel on science.”

I would actually go further than that, to something like “a blood libel on Western Civilization.”

Wow-e-wow. Just... wow. I know I'm dead, now. Conservatives in our country just don't say things like this. I must have ended up going down the wrong leg of the Trousers of Time this morning. Total alternate universe. Has to be.

Western civilization has many glories. There are the legacies of the ancients, in literature and thought. There are the late-medieval cathedrals, those huge miracles of stone, statuary, and spiritual devotion. There is painting, music, the orderly cityscapes of Renaissance Italy, the peaceful, self-governed townships of old New England and the Frontier, the steel marvels of the early industrial revolution, our parliaments and courts of law, our great universities with their spirit of restless inquiry.

And there is science, perhaps the greatest of all our achievements, because nowhere else on earth did it appear. China, India, the Muslim world, all had fine cities and systems of law, architecture and painting,
poetry and prose, religion and philosophy. None of them ever accomplished what began in northwest Europe in the later 17th century, though: a scientific revolution. Thoughtful men and women came together in learned societies to compare notes on their observations of the natural world, to test their ideas in experiments, and in reasoned argument against the ideas of others, and to publish their results in learned journals. A body of common knowledge gradually accumulated. Patterns were observed, laws discerned and stated.

Glories! Yes! "Spirit of restless inquiry," even so! Science, "greatest of all our achievements," absolutely! I'll even forgive you that little sneer at other countries for not having a scientific revolution, because by your narrow definition of a scientific revolution, you're right. They didn't have one. But you understand the glory and importance of science, John, and that...

...brings to us a feeling for what the scientific endeavor is like, and how painfully its triumphs are won, with what sweat and tears. Our scientific theories are the crowning adornments of our civilization, towering monuments of intellectual effort, built from untold millions of hours of observation, measurement, classification, discussion, and deliberation. This is quite apart from their wonderful utility — from the light, heat, and mobility they give us, the drugs and the gadgets and the media. (A “thank you” wouldn’t go amiss.) Simply as intellectual constructs, our well-established scientific theories are awe-inspiring.

This, my darlings, is where I began to cry. Because John Derbyshire, a conservative, stated precisely how I feel about science. He expressed perfectly my own sense of wonder, my awe and appreciation, my love. His passion and mine recognize each other joyously. This is what draws us together over the divide. This is what makes those differences in ideology solvable. A conservative gets it. He understands, and respects, science. This is hope, people. This is fertile middle ground, this is. He can't be the only conservative in this country who feels this way.

And how does he feel about Ben, now?

And now here is Ben Stein, sneering and scoffing at Darwin, a man who spent decades observing and pondering the natural world — that world Stein glimpses through the window of his automobile now and then, when he’s not chattering into his cell phone.

Ouch. And Intelligent Design?

The “intelligent design” hoax is not merely non-science, nor even merely anti-science; it is anti-civilization. It is an appeal to barbarism, to the sensibilities of those Apaches, made by people who lack the imaginative power to know the horrors of true barbarism. (A thing that cannot be said of Darwin. See Chapter X of Voyage of the Beagle.)

And yes: When our greatest achievements are blamed for our greatest moral failures, that is a blood libel against Western civilization itself.

Very ouch.

All that's needed now is for more true conservatives like John Derbyshire to get so disgusted with the neocons and theocons that they wrest back conservatism from the assmonkeys destroying it. It can be done. That middle ground that I was pining for a bit ago, it can be created again. We'll all be freely mingling in it, visiting from our respective ends of the political spectrum, cheerfully ribbing each other over what we consider each other's silly ideologies, but able to debate rather than degrade, talk rather than shout.

That's what this article has shown me. It's still possible. The divide is not yet an impassable chasm. There are some people on both sides busily building bridges and caulking the cracks. They're making it possible for us to reach each other.

And when we get there, won't we ever have a delightful time bashing the IDiots? Once I get my heart started again, anyway.

Who Was it Who Loves the Terrorists, Again?

If there's anything I've learned about the modern Republicon party, it's this: the louder they decry something, the more likely it is they're doing it. The party of purity loves them some prostitutes. The rabidly anti-gay get up to all kinds of shennanigans in airport bathrooms and White House dormitories. They preach small government and practice unfettered executive power. Bitch about Democrats being governmental spendthrifts while they flush our tax dollars down the national toilet. I could go on, but we'd be here all night, and I think you've got the idea.

So, when Newt Gingrich says that "the left wing of the Democratic Party, frankly, kind of admires American terrorists," what's the first thing that comes to your mind?

Indeed. It occurred to Digby to ask which American terrorists the right wing of the Republicon Party kind of admires, and what do you know:

You remember Rudolph, don't you? He was a God fearing right wing extremist who was on the run for several years for after "bombing an Atlanta-area abortion clinic in 1997 and a Birmingham, Ala., clinic in 1998. In addition to the clinic bombings, Rudolph was indicted in relation to the 1997 bombing of an Atlanta gay and lesbian nightclub that injured five people and the 1996 Olympic Park bombing, which killed one person and injured 111 others."

And when they finally caught him:

Since he didn't look as if he had stumbled out of a cave,
investigators believe Rudolph must have received help over the years. "If he's been living in a mobile home, you'd assume quite a few people knew he was there," says Ronald Baughn, a retired federal law-enforcement agent who helped investigate the Atlanta and Birmingham bombings. Indeed, Rudolph had become a local folk hero. In Murphy, T shirts and coffee mugs appeared saying RUN RUDOLPH, RUN.

That's more than just admiration for American terrorism. That's solidarity.

Indeed.

It doesn't end there. Glenn Greenwald did some digging as well, and ended up with one of the most relentless indictments of the Bush Administration he's ever written. It turns out the Republicons lurves them some foreign terrorists, too:

The New York Times, July 18, 1990

Cuban Linked to Terror Bombings Is Freed by Government in Miami

Orlando Bosch, a right-wing Cuban who is believed by American officials to be responsible for dozens of bombings aimed at the Castro Government, was released from jail here today in a deal with the United States Government [led by George Bush The First]. . . .

[snip]

The Guardian, December 2, 2002:

The brother of President George Bush, the Florida governor, Jeb Bush, has been instrumental in securing the release from prison of militant Cuban exiles convicted of terrorist offences, according to a new book. The Bush family has also accommodated the demands of Cuban exile hardliners in exchange for electoral and financial support, the book suggests.

[snip]

Rosa Brooks, The Los Angeles Times, May 11, 2007:

LIKE PIRATES, terrorists are supposedly hostis humani generis — the "enemy of all mankind." So why is the Bush administration letting one of the world's most notorious terrorists stroll freely around the United States?

I'm talking about a man who was -- until 9/11 -- perhaps the most successful terrorist in the Western Hemisphere. He's believed to have masterminded a 1976 plot to blow up a civilian airliner, killing all 73 people on board, including teenage members of Cuba's national fencing team. He's
admitted to pulling off a series of 1997 bombings aimed at tourist hotels and nightspots. Today, he's living illegally in the United States, but senior members of the Bush administration -- the very guys who declared war on terror just a few short years ago -- don't seem terribly bothered.

I'm talking about Luis Posada Carriles. That's not a household name for most U.S. citizens, but for many in Latin America, Posada is as reviled as Osama bin Laden is in the United States. . . .

As Digby said, that's more than just admiration. That's solidarity.

Every time the Republicons start throwing stones, I hear the merry tinkle of shattering glass. In this case, it appears the damage is the result of pipe bombs.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

When policies, truth, and just plain good campaigning fail, try voter suppression:

Here's another for the annals of vote suppression. Calls have gone out to an untold number of North Carolina voters telling them that they need to fill out a registration form before they vote. Democracy North Carolina, a government watchdog that has posted audio (wav) of the call, says that the calls went out to "black neighborhoods."

Sounds like the usual Republicon tried-and-true method for making sure Democrats don't get out and vote, although TPM Muckraker hasn't been able to trace this back to a particular group. Still, if you're in North Carolina, might be a good time to let your friends know that this message is a steaming pile of bullshit.

Speaking of steaming piles of bullshit, Bush wants us to believe all our economic woes are due to folks not thinking his tax cuts are permanent:

To hear Bush tell it, the economic anxiety Americans feel right now is somehow related to tax cuts that expire in 2011 — tax cuts that primarily don’t help the middle class or low-income families anyway.

In all seriousness, how many people who are worried about their families’ finances right now are going to say, “I’ve been really worried, but now that I know my tax rate will remain the same in 2011 as it is 2010, I’m feeling better again”? That, in essence, is what the president argued with a straight face this morning. The answer for economic angst now is maintenance of existing tax cuts three years from now.

Ben at TP recently offered a competing explanation for economic anxiety.

[M]aybe American negative attitudes toward the economy stem from the housing and credit crises, job losses, rising unemployment, a volatile stock market, high gas prices, high family debt, flat wages, increasing budget deficits, a weak dollar, and rising health care costs — not to mention the effects of the $12 billion per month war in Iraq that is being bankrolled largely on borrowed funds.

Don't know about you all, but I'm for Ben's assessment. I think the latest round of tax cuts saved me all of $50. That doesn't go very far toward filling the gas tank these days. Sure as fuck didn't help my wages. You know how much of a raise his tax cuts gave me? $.02 per hour. Two. Cents. I'll pay higher taxes in exchange for a better wage, thank you so very much.

And for those reality-challenged sorts who think tax cuts for the wealthy trickle down, just let me ask one thing: why is it that when my company's taxes go down, my raise doesn't go up?

McCain still needs to be bashed in the head with a clue-by-four:

This seems like an easy story for the media to pick up on, if reporters were interested — McCain keeps visiting specific locales for campaign purposes, but in nearly every instance, he either has or intends to undercut the facilities he’s visiting. This should be quite an embarrassment for McCain and his campaign. And yet, I have a hunch this will go completely unmentioned.

And just as an aside, I’ve been mulling over where McCain could go to talk to people who would benefit from his policy agenda. Country clubs? Corporate board rooms? Military-contractor conventions? No wonder McCain is showing up in odd places; he has limited options about where he can realistically go.

Too fucking right. You really need to go read up on his visit to a childrens' hospital in Miami to get the full-flavored fuckwittery involved in this.

In better news, teens and young adults are far wiser than McCain:

The Pew Research Center’s latest report notes, “Trends in the opinions of America’s youngest voters are often a barometer of shifting political winds.” If so, the winds are at Democrats’ backs, and will be for a quite a while. While young people shifted to the Democratic Party a bit in the 1990s, the bottom fell out for the GOP and younger voters during Bush’s presidency.

In 1992, Republicans enjoyed a slight edge in party identification among 18-29 year olds, 47% to 46%. Four years later, Democrats claimed a six-point edge, 50% to 44%. By the time of the 2000 election, Democrats’ lead had expanded slightly to eight points, 49% to 41%.

And voters under the age of 30 have been making a beeline from the Republican Party ever since. In 2004, Democrats’ lead among young voters’ party ID expanded to 11 points, 51% to 40%. And in 2008, the margin became a landslide — Democrats 58%, Republicans 33%.

Who else gets the feeling the GOP has become the party of dinosaurs?

Hangover Discurso

There's so much delicious depravity I just can't keep up these days. It's time for morning-after opining on the public discourse once again. Bring me some hair o' the dog and let's get to it, my darlings.

First up, dday at Digby's Hullaballoo has a delightful dissection of "McCain's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Week":

I hope somebody's taking notes on this week's travails for John McCain, because if this was October and anyone was paying attention, his entire staff would be fired and the RNC would be gamely talking about random downballot races and how "2012 looks to be an up year."

It's a whirlwind tour of some of the most outrageous bullshit ever to come out of a presidential campaign. Simply gorgeous. Go read it. I'll just sit here sipping quietly until your return.

Welcome back. Let me pour you another. I've got another brilliant take-down of McCain, this time from the incomparable Glenn Greenwald, who points out just how far John "Torture is Wrong - Let's Authorize More!" McCain has gone in creating the moral morass we find ourselves in today:

An article by The New York Times's Mark Mazzetti this morning discloses a letter (.pdf) from the Justice Department to Congress which asserts "that American intelligence operatives attempting to thwart terrorist attacks can legally use interrogation methods that might otherwise be prohibited under international law." In other words, even after all of the dramatic anti-torture laws and other decrees, the Bush administration insists that American interrogators have the right to use methods that are widely considered violations of the Geneva Conventions if we decide that doing so might help "thwart terrorist attacks."

There are two reasons, and two reasons only, that the Bush Administration is able to claim this power: John McCain and the Military Commissions Act. In September, 2006, McCain made a melodramatic display -- with great media fanfare -- of insisting that the MCA require compliance with the Geneva Conventions for all detainees. But while the MCA purports to require that, it also vested sole and unchallenged discretion in the President to determine what does and does not constitute a violation of the Conventions. After parading around as the righteous opponent of torture, McCain nonetheless endorsed and voted for the MCA, almost single-handedly ensuring its passage. That law pretends to compel compliance with the Conventions, while simultaneously vesting the President with the power to violate them -- precisely the power that the President is invoking here to proclaim that we have the right to use these methods.

Isn't that precious? The President gets to decide. I guess McCain really took all that "I'm the decider" malarkey to heart. His political ambitions even overcome the fact that he understands the evils of torture from first-hand experience. I don't know about you, but I truly do not want a deceptive shitsack like this as our next President.

And you might notice something about this little snippet that sounds an awful lot like Scalia's recent "torture doesn't violate the Constitution's prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment because it's not punishment" poison. This is what our culture has been reduced to: semantic arguments. They torture bodies, and then they torture the law to justify it.

I can't put too fine a point on this: I fucking despise these goddamned motherfucking assholes.

And I loathe their media enablers:

Last week, Politico reported that John McCain has an "unorthodox strategy" to capture the presidency -- he "will rely on free media to an unprecedented degree to get out his message."

Interesting word, "rely" -- the American Heritage Dictionary defines it not only as "to be dependent for support, help, or supply," but also as "to place or have faith or confidence."

Planning a presidential campaign around confidence that the news media will get your message out for you might ordinarily be considered a risky gambit. But the media wasted no time in establishing that McCain's faith will be rewarded.

Jamison Foser of MediaMatters.org is relentless in deconstructing the media's passionate desire to attach their lips firmly to McCain's bare buttocks. It's just sad that he has so much material to work with. "Fair and balanced" has apparently come to mean reporting fair and lovely things about McCain while balancing vicious attacks on the Democratic candidates equally between Obama and Hillary.

I feel a desire to protest coming on. Someone get me a picket. Preferrably a sharp one.

From that same article comes this statement that fair took my breath away:

On Tuesday, The New York Times ran what should have served as a reminder to other media outlets that stipulating to McCain's purity is not journalism, it is cheerleading. The Times revealed that McCain helped Donald Diamond, one of his biggest fundraisers, purchase a stretch of California coastal land from the Pentagon -- a purchase that netted Diamond a $20 million profit. Diamond explained: "I think that is what Congress people are supposed to do for constituents. ... When you have a big, significant businessman like myself, why wouldn't you want to help move things along? What else would they do? They waste so much time with legislation." (emphasis incredulously added)

Oh my fucking gods did Diamond really just say something that outrageously stupid?

Does this assclown not realize that Congress is the fucking legislative branch? They write and enact legislation. That's what they do, at least when they're not in bed happily humping "big, significant businessmen" like Diamond.

Remember, McCain likes to present himself as a straight-talking, straight-shooting, lobbyist-and-earmark-fighting maverick. I think that myth has been as thoroughly debunked as the "scientific" theory of Intelligent Design, don't you? If you're undecided, go read the Times article. It even shocked me, and I thought I was long past being shocked by McCain's scumbaggery.

This is our political landscape, my darlings. Look upon it and weep. And then get bloody angry and vote these fuckers out of power, flay the media that licks their toes, and boycott the businessmen who turn our lawmakers into toadying douchebags.

They Cannot Defeat the ERV!

This is by way of a public service announcement for those who might've gotten a nasty shock yesterday morning when trying to drop by ERV. It's all very mysterious, and Abbie's not saying much other than she considers it "malicious behavior," but ERV vanished into thin air.

Wailing and rending of garments commenced. And I really mean it. Abbie's one of the best science bloggers out there.

So it's appropriate that she's now got a happy home on ScienceBlogs. No one could deserve such fortune more - I just hope they know how lucky they are they've got her.

Let that be a lesson to malicious fuckwits who try to get blogs like Abbie's removed, if that is what happened: you're only making it worse. Abbie now has the might of ScienceBlogs behind her. She's a force that cannot be stopped.

Be warned.

Be afraid.

Now go the fuck away.

Right, my darlings. In honor of the new ERV, raise your glasses high. Salud, mi amiga!

What's Up With the "Mike Argento" and "Expelled" Search?

Sitemeter is like the Dark Lord. It sees all, knows all. And yes, I'm afraid my Lord of the Rings fangirldom just got the best of me there. Do pardon me.


What it doesn't know is why a few of you have stumbled into my cantina after doing a Google search for "Mike Argento" and "Expelled."


What's up with that?

In the best traditions of investigative journalism, I searched both Mike's columns in the York Daily Record and Argento's Front Stoop, and found nary a thing. I knew I wouldn't discover anything through Google because you lot kept ending up here. So I found a Deep Throat source - i.e., emailed Mike - and he says he hasn't written anything yet but likely will after he's seen the film. We'll all have to troop over and read it. The man's a modern-day Mark Twain, and besides the fact he's that good, he'll deserve love after the suffering.

I'll keep you posted, so by all means, if you stumbled here looking for Mike Argento and Expelled, stumble back soon. In the meantime, might I suggest some recent Mike:

Bury the groundhog metaphor

MIKE ARGENTO
Article Last Updated: 04/27/2008 02:19:12 AM EDT

Now that it's over, the first thing we should do to recover from our close-call with the electoral process, as a state, is kill that groundhog.

You know you're going to end up spitting your drink all over the screen and then cracking your ribs with laughter. How do you know? Because I just did.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Aw, the poor widdle Republicons are all upset because the meanie DNC's using McCain's own words against him:

It was as predictable as the sunrise. The Democratic National Committee launched a very good ad hitting John McCain — in an entirely fair and accurate way — for his comments about keeping U.S. troops in Iraq for another century. Given that whenever anyone, anywhere, mentions the words “John McCain” and “100 years” in the same sentence Republicans get apoplectic, it stood to reason that the new DNC ad would cause quite a few GOP operatives to really a blow a gasket.

And, right on cue…

The Republican National Committee wants CNN and MSNBC to stop airing the DNC’s new national television advertisement, calling it “false and defamatory” and illegally coordinated.

“This is a complaint about the facts that are being misrepresented in the ad, and this being a deliberate falsehood, that we are saying, stations have an obligation to protect the public from airing a deliberate falsehood,” said Sean Cairncross, an RNC lawyer.

The RNC provided no evidence to support their change [sic] that the communication has illegally coordinated, aside for a few newspaper articles pointing out that some Democrats work for both a candidate and the committee, like pollster Cornell Belcher. DNC chairman Howard Dean said this morning that neither campaign saw or heard the ad before the [sic] put it out.

The RNC is ginning up the threat of legal action to give weight to their criticism of the ad’s content. Cairncross would not say whether the party will sue CNN or MSNBC, the two cable networks airing the ad, if they refuse to kill it.

Aren't they adorable? They're just like little four-year old tyrants: they go around the playground beating up other kids, but the second somebody hits them back, they run crying to Mommy. Fairly warms my heart, that does. I say we keep hitting. You can go view the awful, mean ad here, along with Carpetbagger's patient explaination as to why every single point the RNC's making is complete bullshit.

Speaking of adorable arguments worth of a four-year old, Scalia's all ready to explain to us why torture is fine by the Constitution:

Last night, Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia granted his first broad-based television interview, to Lesley Stahl on CBS’s 60 Minutes. There he explained that the torture of detainees does not violate the 8th Amendment’s ban on “cruel and unusual punishment” because, according to Scalia, torture is not used as punishment:

STAHL: If someone’s in custody, as in Abu Ghraib, and they are brutalized, by a law enforcement person — if you listen to the expression “cruel and unusual punishment,” doesn’t that apply?

SCALIA: No. To the contrary. You think — Has anybody ever referred to torture as punishment? I don’t think so.

STAHL: Well I think if you’re in custody, and you have a policeman who’s taken you into custody–

SCALIA: And you say he’s punishing you? What’s he punishing you for? … When he’s hurting you in order to get information from you, you wouldn’t say he’s punishing you. What is he punishing you for?

Well, imagine that! By this reasoning, my darlings, any cop in the country can torture information out of you, as long as it's from a spirit of inquiry rather than punishment. Does anybody else notice the grease on this slope?

I can't believe this fucktard sits on the Supreme Court.

That makes this little gem much less surprising:

When Indiana passed a voter I.D. law, it was ostensibly to protect the integrity of the voting process. What better way to prevent voter fraud than to require those participating in an election to produce identification?

Was there any evidence of a voter-fraud scourge in Indiana? No. Would the law make it harder for “certain kinds” of voters (i.e., the elderly, minorities, and the poor) to participate? Yes. Did this look a whole lot like Republican lawmakers trying to discourage likely Democratic voters from taking part in elections? You betcha.

But that didn’t stop the Supreme Court today from approving the Indiana law.

No, of course it didn't. Remember, this is the same bunch of assclowns that threw the 2000 election to Bush. A little thing like enabling disenfranchisment ain't nuttin' compared to that, now, is it?

Carpetbagger has an excellent breakdown as to why this law is wrong in so many ways.

Our nation: going to hell in a handbasket since January 2001.

Expelled: Extreme Failure Edition

Yes, it's been a while since I did an Expelled post. Got bored, didn't I? They weren't doing anything new and exciting, aside from failing spectacularly. But now, there's some fresh opportunity for fun at their expense.

Premise Media, the assclowns behind Expelled: the Flop, sent PZ Myers and other poor unfortunates on their mailing list an email that has to be seen to be believed:

BUT BEN STEIN NEEDS YOUR HELP…

Secular critics, atheist groups, and now the beloved Yoko Ono are black balling EXPELLED and trying to get it out of theaters.

Seriously. Go read the whole thing. PZ had the patience to present it in all its inane glory, complete with bizarre font changes and pathetic whining. I'm just going to sit back and laugh myself sick at the fact their piss-poor propaganda is flopping so badly they have to send out desperate pleas for rescue. "Ono! It's Ono, suing us for totally stealing John Lennon's stuff! The evilutionists and mean, nasty atheists are all against us! And we're totally lying about everything, but we think you're stupid enough to believe us anyway!"

Numbnuts.

All of their claims can be thoroughly debunked, but one in particular is too easy:

#5 in per screen box office ($3,000 per screen)
#9 overall, despite being on only half the screens of its competitors

Um. No.

TOTALS TO DATE

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! .... $147.9 million
2. 21 .. $ 75.8 million
3. Nim's Island ....... $39.0 million
4. The Forbidden Kingdom ............. $ 38.3 million
5. Prom Night ......... $ 38.1 million
6. Forgetting Sarah Marshall ......... $ 35.1 million
7. Baby Mama .......... $ 18.3 million
8. Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay ........ $ 14.6 million
9. 88 Minutes ......... $ 12.6 million
10. Deception .......... $ 2.2 million

Looks like Expelled got itself expelled from the Top Ten over the weekend. Where are they? Oh. 13th. Well, you know, 5, 9, 13, what's the difference?

I know what you're thinking. These blindingly stupid, morally depraved, terminally truth-challenged ass bandits deserve to be slapped across the face with a fish.

Funny you should mention it...

Intolerancia

En Tequila Es Verdad is proud to present a brand-spanking-new feature: Intolerancia. And when I say spanking, I mean spanking: this is where we'll take a whirlwind tour through the world of intolerant religious fuckwits and lay the smackdown upon them. They claim they are holy. We shall leave them holey. Ah-ha-ha.

Ahem. So:

Today's smiting of intolerant bastards.

For those of you still convinced that extreme evangelicals don't pose a threat to your own self, think again:

FORT RILEY, Kan. — When Specialist Jeremy Hall held a meeting last July for atheists and freethinkers at Camp Speicher in Iraq, he was excited, he said, to see an officer attending.

But minutes into the talk, the officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, began to berate Specialist Hall and another soldier about atheism, Specialist Hall wrote in a sworn statement. “People like you are not holding up the Constitution and are going against what the founding fathers, who were Christians, wanted for America!” Major Welborn said, according to the statement.

What's this to do with you? You're not in the military, so it doesn't matter, right? Wrongo. Let me just put it this way: how happy are you about the idea that a bunch of frothing lunatics have access to the heavy weaponry?

I think we all know what happens when crazed religious fundamentalists get their hands on armies. 'Tain't pretty.

And if that didn't put a chill rushing down your spine, try this:

But Mikey Weinstein, a retired Air Force judge advocate general and founder of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, said the official statistics masked the great number of those who do not report violations for fear of retribution. Since the Air Force Academy scandal began in 2004, Mr. Weinstein said, he has been contacted by more than 5,500 service members and, occasionally, military families about incidents of religious discrimination. He said 96 percent of the complainants were Christians, and the majority of those were Protestants. [emphasis added]

A special note to you good Christians in the audience: the fundamentalists' Christianity isn't yours. Let them get in power. Let them clear out the atheists, pagans, Muslims, Jews, et al, and then they will come for you. I guaran-fucking-tee it.

PZ Myers and John Lynch both have good takes on this New York Times piece. Drop by and take a gander.

So, moving on, then. What are all you all doing on May 1st? I can tell you one thing I won't be doing: praying.

The National Day of Prayer is Thursday, May 1. I oppose it. I believe religious leaders should call people to prayer, not government officials. I believe religious services should take place in houses of worship, not government buildings.

Alas, the federal courts do not agree with me. Thus, we have a National Day of Prayer. Of course it has been taken over by obnoxious fundamentalist Christians who sponsor exclusionary programs that promote their narrow brand of Christianity.

Of course. Having a heart attack from not surprised here. But Morbo doesn't stop there, oh, no. He has to go and grind some salt into the wounds:

If we have to have a day like this, it ought to be interfaith. But the National Day of Prayer Task Force, a private group run by Religious Right honcho James Dobson’s wife, Shirley, tells its volunteers not to let anyone near the microphone who has not signed off on a fundamentalist statement of faith.

That statement reads in part:

“I believe that the Holy Bible is the inerrant Word of The Living God. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the only One by which I can obtain salvation and have an ongoing relationship with God. I believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, his virgin birth, his sinless life, his miracles, the atoning work of his shed blood, his resurrection and ascension, his intercession and his coming return to power
and glory.”

Jews and other non-Christians can attend the event. They just get to stand there and be window dressing for the Jesus-athon.

Oh, yes. Truly inclusive, that. Maybe The National Day of Prayer Task Force can call up Major IllWelborn for some troops. Nothing like spreading the word of God with the barrel of a gun, is there?

Finally, by way of Dispatches from the Culture Wars, I present you with a pristine exemplar of the brain rot that can occur when you believe that faith = detatch completely from reality:

This has to be one of the strangest lawsuits I've ever heard of. A woman named Joyce Marie Edwards filed a lawsuit in Federal district court in Connecticut - representing herself - against the Federal government, and specifically the Supreme Court, claiming that the Court's ruling against mandatory school prayer violates the Declaration of Independence and has caused all kinds of bad things.

Apparently Edwards was a volunteer at a local school in her hometown and was told that she could not preach to the kids about Christianity.

Hoo boy. I need a drink before I can even touch this stinking pile of rotten logic. Firstly, where the fuck in the Declaration of Independence does it mandate school prayer? I looked and could not find a single mention of school or prayer, let alone both together. Secondly, what fuckwit thinks you can go bring a case against the Supreme Court without a lawyer? Butterknife to a gunfight, anyone? Thirdly, WTF?

And it gets better. The ever-sharp John Pieret has more detail on her complaints, and he tears her down like a cardboard house in a rainstorm:

Examples from the decision should make the difference between "exposing" the children to something and what Ms. Edwards was doing
clear:

First, while a presenter was discussing the Native American belief in the healing properties of certain stones during a school field trip, Edwards stated "that the only thing I found to truly help me stop doing bad things and healed me was receiving Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior (by reading the Word of God, the Holy Bible)." Second, while distributing candy canes to her oldest child's class, Edwards stated the
students "could read the Bible and find out what the white and red mean and why this gift is first for the Jewish people, and then for everyone else." (References omitted).

Not so strangely, as a result of these incidents, Edwards was precluded from participating in any activities at Booth Hill School during regular school hours by the school principal.

Smart principal, that. I'd be of the opinion that the children would be better off without exposure to the batshit insane, too. Thankfully, this suit was thrown out by the courts, or I would've lost all hope of recovering our government from the clutches of the crazed religious.

We do not need people like these dictating how citizens of this country should think. There's no thought involved, just knee-jerk intolerance of any but the most narrow interpretation of Christianity and a frightening degree of certifiable insanity. I'm all for letting people have their religion, but, for fuck's sake, there are limits. Freedom of religion does not extend carte blanche for one religion to annihilate the others.

Here endeth the post. The smiting of the intolerant goes ever on.

Vintatge Buffalo Bill's

I was hanging about on The Coffee-Stained Writer this evening, soaking up another wonderful treatise on the writing of poetry. She used an e e cummings poem as an example, which immediately reminded me of my all-time favorite poem of his - Buffalo Bill's. That prompted me to do a search, which led to this:

How do you know when you're a literature geek? When you come across a .jpeg image of the original published piece from the Dial, ca. 1920, in Wikipedia, and go "Squee! OMG, I don't believe it!!11!!1!"

That's how.

Ogods. Here comes a treatise on my favorite poets. And I have too much to do... so much stupid to smack down... argh. Must. Wait. Until. Later.

In the meantime, treat yourselves to some Robert Burns, W.H. Auden, Emily Dickinson, and Abu Nuwas. We'll discuss this later, after the burning stupid.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Let's all raise a glass to the DNC and hitting McCain where it hurts:

The McCain campaign doesn’t seem especially concerned about Democratic attacks that he’s running to give the nation a third Bush term. He doesn’t seem to care when people highlight his age. He shrugs off questions about his reputation as a hothead with a nasty temperament who flies off the handle on a regular basis. He couldn’t care less when he’s caught flip-flopping, abandoning long-held principles, or getting confused about the basics of public policy.

But bring up his line about leaving troops in Iraq for 100 years, and McCain goes completely apoplectic. It seems to be the one point of criticism that McCain and his campaign fear most.

[snip]

There’s simply no reason for Democrats to feel even the slightest bit hesitant about using this. Even in its full context, McCain has said, on multiple occasions, that he’s comfortable leaving U.S. troops in Iraq for a century or more. The only way that’s even possible is to establish permanent bases, which are opposed by both Iraqis and Americans, and which fuel anti-American violence. He said it, he meant it, and Democrats would be insane not to tell voters about it.

And yet, McCain and Republicans have, for several weeks, launched a coordinated, carefully-orchestrated campaign to get people — everyone, really — to stop using the words “McCain,” “Iraq,” and “100 years” in the same sentence. No one can do push-back as well as the Republican Machine, and these guys are intent on making it impossible to hit McCain where it hurts.

As such, I’m delighted the DNC is ignoring the push-back and poking the sore spot.

Can't link to videos from our lovely work computers, alas, but if you drop by Carpetbagger's place, you can see the ad in all its glory. And let's all gleefully use "McCain," "Iraq" and "100 years" in every sentence we can possibly think of.

Raise your glasses, now: "Here's to St. McCain, who's willing to keep our troops in Iraq for 100 years."

McCain's fuckwitted and completely divorced from reality views strike me as far more important than the hoo-ha over Obama's blank lapels, but apparently, other people don't think so:

In my heart of hearts, I don’t really believe there are any Americans who would base their presidential vote on flag pins and the Star Spangled Banner. People can and do back (or oppose) candidates for some pretty superficial reasons, but no one’s that dumb. My hunch is that voters, when it comes to Barack Obama, may decide they don’t like him for other reasons, and then rationalize backwards, coming up with pins and patriotism to justify a more personal animosity.

Nevertheless, thanks to email chains and the national media, Obama keeps hearing about this. At a town-hall meeting in Indiana, a woman told Obama that her mother wasn’t going to vote for him because he didn’t “address the flag.” Obama responded, “This is a phony issue, so let me address it right now.”

Can I just say how fucking ridiculous it is to base your vote on whether someone "addresses the flag" or not? It's right up there with lackwits choosing our next glorious leader based on his or her beer-drinking credentials. And the media feeds this inanity. They create an issue out of it. It's time for us to hit back.

Glasses up again, my darlings. "To Obama, who understands patriotism without pins. To campaigns with substance, and to a candidate who, unlike McCain, understands that we shouldn't stay in Iraq for 100 years."

I'd like to raise another toast to San Diego, which has apparently decided that Blackwater is an unwelcome addition to their beautiful city:

OTAY MESA – San Diego officials will challenge Blackwater Worldwide's permit for an indoor military training facility in South County, saying the public didn't know about the plan.

“Residents deserve to know when a facility like this is approved – before it is approved,” San Diego City Council President Scott Peters said.

[snip]

Brian Bonfiglio, a Blackwater vice president, said the opposition seems to originate from anti-war sentiment, not animosity toward the facility itself.

Good for them! And, as Digby wonderfully points out:

If that's so, then we are seeing a major sea change. San Diego is a super military town. If it's gone "anti-war" then you can pretty much guarantee that it's over for the pro Iraq crowd.

I don't know if it's actually true that San Diego is anti-war, but I think it's pretty clear that just about everybody is anti-Blackwater. This is an unAmerican company made up of war profiteers who have no loyalty to anyone but their own bottom line. The soldiers fighting over in Iraq on their third and fourth tours for peanuts certainly aren't crazy about the preening jackasses who make their job more dangerous.

These mercenary "security" companies do not adhere to American law and they don't answer to the American government. They are a very dangerous step toward a privatized military that answers to no one but its owners. The problem is that the rest of the world will hold Americans responsible for what they do and we will all pay the price.

Exactly. So, glasses up yet again: "Here's to San Diego for giving Blackwater the boot, and may they also give the boot to John McCain's 100-years-in-Iraq scheme."

This is fun. Who's raising the next round?

Hangover Discurso

I found some items in my Yahoo! News feed that are too tasty not to pass on.

You know the White House Correspondents' "Let's All Get Together and Wank Over Our Own Greatness" Dinner? Yeah, the dinner that Stephen Colbert delivered his masterful smackdown at two years ago? They still haven't recovered, and that warms my heart:

The Scottish-born [Craig] Ferguson found middle ground between the tepid impersonations of last year's entertainer, Rich Little, and the merciless satire that Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert delivered in
2006.

Heh. "Merciless satire." I would've said "absolute fucking verbal slaughter," but merciless satire works.

Craig wasn't exactly kind, either, telling Bush he could "look for a job with more vacation time," and remarking that it "takes longer than you think to pack up an entire dungeon" when noting that Cheney's already started moving.

Bush proved once again that he's not only a lame duck, but a lame-ass joker as well:

"Senator McCain's not here," Bush said of GOP nominee-in-waiting John McCain. "He probably wanted to distance himself from me a little bit. You know, he's not alone. Jenna's moving out too."

Bush then referred to scandals that have dogged the campaigns of the two remaining Democratic candidates, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama, in explaining their absence: "Hillary Clinton couldn't get in because of sniper fire and Senator Obama's at church."

Earth to Bush: you're not fucking funny. You're a pathetic little power-mad moron. Shut the fuck up.

The White House Press Corps handed each other little awards telling each other how wonderful they are. A few of those awards were even given for substantial reporting, such as the National Journal's Alexis Simendinger's breaking the RNC-White House email story. My own Seattle P-I had three reporters walked off with a Poe for their series "The Terrorism Trade-off." It's just too bad that there was so little substantial reporting to choose from.

On to election news. We have work to do, my darlings:

In 2004, Bush won 286 electoral votes to 251 for Kerry. This year's Democratic nominee must triumph in all the states Kerry won, and pick up 19 more votes to prevail — or come up with another game plan to reach the magic number. McCain, for his part, must fend off Democratic challenges to hang on to the GOP advantage.

The AP article cites Colorado, New Mexico, Nevada, Iowa, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, and Virginia as prime battlegrounds. Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Oregon are listed as Republican opportunities. Wild-card states are Arkansas, West Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Montana, Kentucky, Arizona, Maine, New Jersey, Delaware, California, and Washington.

You know what to do.

Book Mania Redux

I'll return to spanking the deserving in just a bit. Right now, I'm wearing my new "I'm Kissin' the Muse" t-shirt, I'm listening to Turbo Ocho, and I'm just wanting to think about books and writing and everything.

Oh, and a word about Turbo Ocho: it's not April 29th and I already own it! Ah ha ha! I'm listening to it right now! Woo-hoo! And it's gorgeous, and if you're not a Peacemakers fan, you really need to become one. Like, now. Amazon will let you pre-order.

Look. If a black metal chick can listen to southwestern rock, so can you.

I'm listening to my favorite band ever, so I might as well talk about my favorite author ever: Neil Gaiman, my darlings, hands-down. It's a tough choice - he's competing with Terry Pratchett, Connie Willis, Guy Gavriel Kay, Lynn Flewelling, Patrica A. McKillip, J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Friedman, Susanna Clarke, Robert Holdstock, R.A. Salvatore, Warren Ellis, and my dear, departed Robert Jordan, among many others. But Gaiman wins.

He wrote Sandman.

If you've never read Sandman, you have two orders on Amazon to make. Get to it. Preludes and Nocturnes will start you off nicely.

And don't give me any of that, "But Dana, it's a comic book" shit, either. I tried that whine. Because I was a pretentious bitch who wouldn't lower her nose far enough to see the pages of a comic, I missed out on many years of Sandman in my life. If it wasn't for my friend Justin, who browbeat, cajoled, pleaded, and finally just shoved the thing in my hands and forced me to read a few pages, I'd still be Sandman-deprived, and that's a horrible fate.

Sandman changed my life.

It took away my fear of death. You can't fear death when Death is a cute, perky Gothic chick with a mile-wide smile.

It taught me the power of dreams.

It showed me the power of myth.

It made me aware of a lot of different kinds of people I'd never really noticed before, such as lesbians trying to have babies, and the plight of the transsexual when it comes to rituals that are for women only.

It gave me the greatest comeback ever to Descartes's ridiculous "Cogito, ergo sum." Yes, even better than the Descartes-walks-into-a-bar joke. And no, I won't tell you what it is. Go read the series.

The language is phenominal. The art is astonishing. The scope of the stories is incredible. It won a fucking World Fantasy Award, all right? No comic book has ever won the World Fantasy Award, but Sandman's A Midsummer Night's Dream issue did. And it will be the last ever, because the fuckers went and changed the rules afterward. Even the fantasy world can't escape pretentious bullshit, but for one sweet moment, Neil Gaiman's Sandman shattered their pretentions and forced the snooty world to see that comic books could be every bit as "serious and important" as regular old prose.

It's that incredible.

On the wall behind my bed, I have two prints of Dream from Sandman: The Dream Hunters, illustrated by Yoshitaka Amano. One of them is signed by Gaiman. And one night, on the way to the bathroom after a bout of writer's block, I stopped in front of that print and said jokingly, "Allow me to serve you in whatever capacity you wish, my lord." I even gave a little bow. And that night, I learned you do not joke with the Dream King, because I hadn't even finished peeing when a story idea slammed straight into my brain, and I hadn't finished washing my hands before the thing was whole and complete in my mind. I wrote it in three hours. It's one of the best stories I've ever written.

And no, it wasn't fan fiction. Do shut up.

So that's where my love affair with Neil Gaiman began. And it has never stopped. His short stories are wonderful. There's one, Nicholas Was... that is only 102 words long, that remains my favorite Christmas story ever.

He wrote my favorite poem, "Locks." I read it to my mother one night. It was the only way I could pay her back for all of the bedtime stories that led me to become a writer, and it was lovely.

He wrote my favorite essay, "Being An Experiment Upon Strictly Scientific Lines." Funniest treatise on drinking and writing I've ever read. And I've got a DVD of him reading it in that - oh, to die for! - British accent. I nearly pee myself laughing every time I watch it. "Elephant spunk again?" ROTFLMAO!

I know, I know. If you haven't read it, that's not funny. So go read it.

I've read American Gods. Hallucinated it, too. I got so involved in the book that I forgot to eat for nearly thirty hours, and by the time the battle of the gods rolled around, my blood sugar had dropped so low that I experienced the battle in vivid sensory detail. Very strange and very fun.

I'm not about to try reading it drunk.

Neil Gaiman has not only been my favorite author, he's been one of my compasses. I went to see him in Chicago in 2001, and I'll never forget one of the things he said about writing: "Being contentious is what you should be doing. You should be shaking people up." I try to remember that when the urge to tame down an element in a story in order not to offend anyone tries to overtake me. Writing safe, comfortable fiction is fine for them as likes it, but it doesn't have impact, it doesn't have passion, and it's sure as shit not what I'm wanting to do as an author. Neil Gaiman gave me the two sentences I needed to free myself from fear. If I become a pioneer, it's down to him. If I get burned at the stake, well, oops.

And he's one of the nicest people in the universe. I'm not that nice. I wish I was. I hope I can treat my readers with half of the respect and caring that he treats his with, because if I can, I'll have my fans feeling as warm and special and loved as they deserve.

When I met him, I said, "Neil, I just wanted to say thank you. You've never disappointed me." I was having a rabid fangirl crisis, and it was the best I'd managed to come up with, slightly more original than the omigod you're so awesome can i have your babies!!!11!1! schtick. But it was still silly.

Yet he leaned back in his chair and looked at me as if amazed by my profundity, and he said, "That's the sweetest thing of you to say." And damn it, he meant it. It was as if no one had ever told him how incredible he was before.

When you've won as many awards, achieved the fame and status he has, and can still treat every fan as if they're the most special thing in the universe to you, well, you know you've got humility. He's not into abasing himself, mind, he knows he's good, it's just that it's never gone to his head. He still seems bemused by the fact people like his scribbles so much.

He's an amazing writer, and an even more amazing human being. That's why I love him so.

Now go read Sandman. And when you're totally hooked on comics, as you will be, come back to me for some more. I've got a list will blow your mind.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Plenty of red meat for us today, my darlings. Let us forgo bar food and dig in to some nice, juicy steaks (unless, of course, you plump for the vegetarian option).

You remember how a few days ago, I mentioned Tony Snow's joining CNN? Yeah. That Tony Snow. Mr. "My Nose is Glued to Bush's Buttocks" Snow. And I'm sure you're all wondering how he's doing.

Carpetbagger reports: Not too good.

Well, it appears that Snow is having a little trouble making the transition back to broadcasting, because CNN’s latest addition seems to think he’s still the White House press secretary.

Blitzer: What do you think about McCain’s decision yesterday? He was very forceful in making it clear he did not like the Bush administration’s handling of Katrina.

Snow: Of course he also doesn’t know a lot about what went on behind the scenes, but you would expect that. You’ve got somebody who’s running for a nomination. The president’s popularity ratings are low. He’s going to put a distance between himself and the president. Everybody hates what happened in Katrina, including the president.

I see, so Bush’s handling of Katrina was fine, and McCain is just making cheap criticism for crass electoral purposes.

Blitzer: Do you think he’ll be doing more distancing of himself on other issues?

Snow: I think he’ll do it when it’s easy. But on the other hand, there are things, like the war, where he’s agreed with the president…. Right now, Democrats have made it clear they don’t have any issue other than the fact they’re not George Bush. What McCain wants to be able to do is say, “Neither am I.”

Hmm. Democrats are running on their ideas regarding Iraq, healthcare, the economy, the environment, veterans’ issues, energy policy, foreign policy, and homeland security. They don’t, however, “have any issue other than the fact they’re not George Bush.” Why, this is the kind of insightful analysis you can only hear from CNN’s highly-paid political analysts — and any fourth-tier right-wing blog.

Oh, snap! Nice one, CB! Poor Tony's balls must be stinging just about now. Oh, wait, he's a conservative pundit: he doesn't have balls. Never mind.

A funny coinkydink, here: I stopped watching CNN many years back when they stopped reporting the news and started spouting conservative bullshit along with all the sensational marlarkey I've come to expect from the glossy tabloids. This ain't likely to win my viewership back.

Speaking of clueless media sorts, I found this fascinating:

We’ve all heard the expression, “90% of life is just showing up.” It seems to be the basis of an LA Times editorial today, praising John McCain’s week-long tour of small towns, urban areas, and other communities that have struggled economically for years. McCain appeared in impoverished areas in Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, and Ohio, and the LAT thinks that’s just great — even if he doesn’t have any intention of actually helping the families who live there.

[I]nstead of promising truckloads of aid if he’s elected, McCain talked up his vision of a government that helps more by doing less.

It’s not a new message from the Arizona senator, who follows an unpredictable political muse but typically favors smaller government and less regulation.

Excuse me. So sorry for the interruption - I just had to wipe my drink off the screen.

Unpredictable political muse? What the fuck are you assclowns talking about? His political muse is completely fucking predictable! It tells him to follow conservative talking points - except when he's lost a primary using those, so he should try to look Democratic in hopes of getting picked up as a VP. He's absolutely fucking predictable.

In fact, let me predict it right here: his political muse will tell him to keep sailing Republicon, with only minor, safe criticisms of Bush to snooker the Bush-is-anathema crowd, until the media stops saying he's a maverick. In that unlikely event, his muse will tell him to go do something mavericky but flip-flop on it later. Oh, and if the Democrats look to be winning, expect him to attempt to lock his nose onto their buttocks with the same glue Tony Snow's been using for the Bush Administration.

That's it. I'm sending my Muse to go beat the ever-loving shit out of his muse.

In election news, those who aren't satisfied with the current field of candidates now have a fourth option:

Alan Keyes appears to have locked up the Constitution Party’s nomination for president.

[snip]

I really want to see Alan campaign hard, especially in states like Iowa, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, New Mexico and New Hampshire. As you may know, Keyes is one of the great orators of our time, and he’s the genuine item: anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-public programs, anti-public schools, anti-civil liberties, anti-pretty much everything (except guns and Jesus – he’s very pro on those).

I never thought I’d say this, but I mean it sincerely: Give ‘em hell, Alan!

Everybody loves options! I especially love those options that siphon votes from McCain. So I'd just like to give Alan Keyes my blessing. Now, if we could just give him the Colbert Bump, we'd be set.

Update: It appears reports of Alan Keyes's victory were greatly exaggerated. As Morbo says, "Darn! I knew I shouldn't have trusted the MSM!" Chuck Baldwin has won the Constitution Party nomination. Who the fuck is Chuck? I have no idea. And if you ask me how many tugs on a dead dog's dick I give, the answer is, "Very few indeed."

Still, I think we should all let our die-hard conservative acquaintences know they have options.

Book Meme Mania

Book memes! I got these from John Lynch at Stranger Fruit, by way of PZ. And I'm gonna do them both. Just because I'm the kind of person who lurves literature. Actually, no. I love really good books and I hate pretentious fuckers who claim to love books but love prestige more.

Allow me to clarify: If you loved a classic because the story grabbed you, fantastic, you're a person who lurves literature. If you've read every book on the classics list because that gives you snob value, you're a pretentious fucker and you can bugger off.

So. Ones I've read in bold, ones I own but haven't finished reading in italic, ones I've wanted to put through a chipper-shredder struck out.

These are the top 106 books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New world
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Hmm. 30. I must be an unlettered bumpkin, eh? Don't tell that to the hundreds and hundreds of books now threatening to combine my apartment with the one immeditately below.

Let's see how we do with cult books, then.

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (1969)
The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell (1957-60)
A Rebours by JK Huysmans (1884)
Baby and Child Care by Dr Benjamin Spock (1946)
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf (1991)
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath (1963)
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller (1961)
The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger (1951
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield (1993)
The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart (1971)
Chariots of the Gods: Was God An Astronaut? by Erich Von Däniken (1968 )
A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole (1980)
Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1782)
The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner by James Hogg (1824)
Dianetics: the Modern Science of Mental Health by L Ron Hubbard (1950
The Doors of Perception by Aldous Huxley (1954)
Dune by Frank Herbert (1965)
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams (1979)
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe (1968 )
Fear of Flying by Erica Jong (1973)
The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer (1970)
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (1943)
Gödel, Escher, Bach: an Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R Hofstadter (1979
Gravity’s Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon (1973)
The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail by Michael Baigent, Richard Leigh and Henry Lincoln (1982)
I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith (1948 )
If on a Winter’s Night a Traveller by Italo Calvino (1979)
Iron John: a Book About Men by Robert Bly (1990)
Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach and Russell Munson (1970)
The Magus by John Fowles (1966)
Labyrinths by Jorge Luis Borges (1962)
The Leopard by Giuseppe di Lampedusa (1958 )
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov (1967)
No Logo by Naomi Klein (2000)
On The Road by Jack Kerouac (1957)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S Thompson (1971)
The Outsider by Colin Wilson (1956)
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran (1923)
The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists by Robert Tressell (1914)
The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám tr by Edward FitzGerald (1859)
The Road to Oxiana by Robert Byron (1937)
Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse (1922)
The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1774)
Story of O by Pauline Réage (1954)
The Stranger by Albert Camus (1942)
The Teachings of Don Juan: a Yaqui Way of Knowledge by Carlos Castaneda (1968 )
Testament of Youth by Vera Brittain (1933)
Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1883-85)
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (1960)
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an Inquiry into Values by Robert M Pirsig(1974)

Not much of a cultist, either, apparently. And what the fuck is To Kill a Mockingbird doing up there in the cult books? That wasn't cult, that was social fucking justice, that was. It was the only assigned book all throughout high school that didn't make me want to vomit. Well, I take that back. I loved A Tale of Two Cities, actually. Yes, I'm one of those awful people who doesn't think Dickens is too verbose. But the rest of them - I mean, for fuck's sake, couldn't we have read something in freshman lit that blew fewer goats than The Oxbow Incident? Like, oh, say, Moby Dick? And if you knew, if you even suspected, how much I passionately loathe Moby Dick, you'll know just how bad The Oxbow Incident is.

Other than the part where some dude gets shot and there's a gory description of one of his buddies heating up a gun barrel and cauterizing the wound. That was entertaining.

A quick note: The Annotated Dracula was awesome. I got my recipe for paprika hendel from it.

One last book note here: you'll remember me mentioning Mr. Vail last night. He's the reason I read Siddhartha. We used to have a lot of chats after school when he was supervising study hall, and one day, he looked at me and said, "You should read Steppenwolf. You're just like the main character." And I suppose he was right. I was ill-suited for the town I was in. But that didn't matter half so much as the fact that Herman Hesse is an incredible author and I enjoyed the whole book immensely, even while being baffled by it. That's why I snapped up Siddhartha, and loved it even more.

See? I read a few things outside of SF and non-fiction. I even like some of it.

Educational Contraband

George at Decrepit Old Fool started my brain churning, right when I was ready to sleep:

It’s my contention that what’s missing from our politically-correct, NCLB-driven schools today is pretty much any possibility at all of ‘a little thrill in learning’. It happens, but good teachers have to wedge it into the cracks where they can.

Well, how can I go to bed after that? You throw that kind of fresh meat in front of me, I start to drool. It's positively Pavlovian.

I remember being extremely annoyed at the sanitized pablum we got spoon-fed at school. Adults tend to plump for the sheltering of the kids. Kids tend to wonder just what the fuck adults are so afraid of, and whether they're that bloody stupid. I think Kaden pointed up the fact quite nicely that teens will get their hands on contraband no matter how hard adults try to keep it out of their hands. They have their little methods. Even back in the day before the intertoobz, we had our ways and means of getting our hands on forbidden fruit. Newspapers, magazines, conversations, television, radio.... Let's just say that no matter how sheltered your upbringing, by high school, you'd been exposed to at least a few ideas that were considered verboten for the under-18s, and being treated as if we hadn't was irksome.

I blame the parents. And the do-gooders. And all of the other raging fuckwits who, with good intentions, try to ensure that kids basically learn nothing.

Our teachers had to be extremely careful with the contraband they brought in. Gods forbid they should show us anything outside of those stupid disinfected textbooks that so carefully excised anything remotely interesting. But contraband slipped in regardless.

My sixth grade teacher bucked the party line by telling us how incredible Germany was. I still remember him sitting on the corner of his desk, voice impassioned, as he shared a little bit of truth with us: it was incredible that a little country like Germany managed to almost conquer the world, not once, but twice. He waxed poetic in his admiration. On that day, we learned that turn-of-the-century Germany wasn't a caricature, but a country full of brilliant people who, admittedly, had done some fucked-up things. He was the first person I'd ever heard who didn't treat Germany as a pariah, but as an admirable foe. It made the whole thing much more exciting. Defeating a despicable enemy's one thing, but defeating an enemy that's a despicable genius, well, that's awesome. That means you had to work for it, and I think all of us were a lot more proud of America.

And it made me think of the humanity of the enemy. They were people like us. They thought they were doing the right thing. They weren't a bunch of cartoon bad guys. They were people. That was a critical message. When your enemy is considered nothing at all like you, when there's nothing to respect, you don't realize how fine the line is that divides you. You're apt to blunder from hero to villain without ever realizing what you've done, because you've been led to believe it's impossible for you to be the villain.

I think Bush & Co. could've used a Mr. Lynch in sixth grade. They're so convinced of America's innate rightness and the enemy's wrongness that they believe anything we do is by default the right thing. Had Mr. Lynch gotten some of his contraband into their hands early on, they might be a little more prone to caution.

There wasn't much contraband in grade school. There wasn't much more in high school. I lived in an extremely conservative community that had more churches than people. We students had to stage a walk-out and a march for AIDS education. There was actually some magnificent doofus of a parent who got up in front of the school board and told him our kids didn't need AIDS education because they weren't having sex. All I can say is, if he was right, then my town had one hell of an immaculate conception problem.

But even in that atmosphere, there were some teachers who managed to sneak us some contraband.

My British and Western Literature teacher, Mr. Vail, told us openly as we moaned about Shakespeare that all we got to read was the boring bits. Of course we hated Shakespeare. He nudged us in the direction of the local bookstore, where the Complete Works were available, unabridged. And he used personal anecdotes to keep us interested. Nothing gets thirty high school students interested faster than their teacher standing at the front of the classroom and saying, "I must be a masochist." We learned a new word and something about interpersonal relationships that day as we gave our studied advice on how he should deal with an emotional vampire of a girlfriend. No one pitched a politically-correct fit. We were having too much fun.

My favorite memory of him, though, is the day I dropped by his after-school study hall to discuss which Shakespeare play I should read for my extra credit paper. We got into a discussion about the censorship in our textbooks, and I'll never forget him looking around for administrators as his hand crept to the bottom drawer of his desk. The expression on his face would have gotten him nailed. You know how people look when they're about to break the rules and are relishing it? That look. He sneaked out a Complete Works of Shakespeare, flipped open to MacBeth, and said, "The stuff in that book is crap. They took out all of the good parts." We then spent an instructive half-hour howling over the scene where MacDuff's trying to gain entry to the castle, and the double entendre's flying thick and fast:

MACDUFF Was it so late, friend, ere you went to bed,
That you do lie so late?

Porter 'Faith sir, we were carousing till the
second cock: and drink, sir, is a great
provoker of three things.

MACDUFF What three things does drink especially provoke?

Porter Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and
urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.

It was that day I realized Shakespeare wasn't a boring old fuddy-duddy, but someone with a wicked sense of humor. And because of that, I adore Shakespeare to this day.

There must have been something subversive about our literature department, because my American Literature teacher that year sneaked a whole week of Les Miserables in. "I know he's French, but this is one of the greatest books ever written, and we're going to do it," Mrs. Putman said. We'd come in to a quotation on the board that hit us like a sledgehammer:

Must we continue to lift our eyes toward heaven? Does the luminous point we discern there come from those being quenched? The ideal is terrible to see, thus lost in the depths - minute, isolated, imperceptible, shining, but surrounded by all those great black menaces monstrously amassed around it, yet no more in danger than a star in the jaws of the clouds.

She had us hooked.

Imagine, if you will, a pole-axed American Lit class lined up around the classroom eagerly waiting for our copy of the original London cast recording of Les Miserables. We're talking teenagers, obsessed by a French novel and a Broadway musical. The stores sold out of both the abridged and unabridged copies. A multitude of us went to see the musical. We were enthralled. We wept, we laughed, we lived it. And I think all of us took away some harsh lessons about society, about real desperation, good and evil, justice and injustice. 24601 was our favorite number.

The contraband worked. It didn't work because it was subversive, necessarily, although the forbidden fruit aspect certainly made it more entertaining. No, contraband worked because we had teachers who trusted us to handle it. They expected us to be able to grasp tough concepts, appreciate things other adults thought we were too shallow to truly understand. They fed our minds some red meat. And we ate with gusto.

Talk about "a little thrill in learning."

We don't necessarily need better teachers, we need better smugglers. I'm not talking about smuggling religion in the guise of science, mind you. That doesn't do anything except shut down minds. We need smugglers who can open them. We need Lynches and Vails and Putmans, teachers who aren't afraid to present the world to their students, in all of its gore and glory.

Thought has very nearly been banished from the classroom. So has passion. Teachers need to be given a chance to sneak it back in.

But keep it as contraband. It wouldn't be half as interesting otherwise.

I'll Never Forgive

You'll have to forgive the disjointed thoughts, my darlings. I'm sitting here with the afterglow of the Peacemakers concert still shimmering through me, I've had a glass of wine, and all I really want to do is feel good about the world.

I don't.

I'm pissed off about that.

Let me 'splain, or at least sum up. Before Bush and his Merry Band of Extraordinary Fuckwits came along, I was skipping happily right along the middle path. Sure, I was toward the left side of that path. Indeed, I was already an atheist (calling myself agnostic, of course, because I was reserving the right to believe in the first god or goddess who bothered to put in a personal appearance. Never happened). But I scorned politics. Disdained nasty arguments between folks with diametrically opposing views. I was too busy writing to give two shits about what was going on in the political arena, you see. I was too busy drinking the world.

And then 2006 rolled around, and one night, watching The Daily Show, I got extremely pissed.

I don't even remember what the issue was. It was some fuckery of Bush's, but there's been so much of it that it all kind of blurs. But it flipped a switch. Things had been building all through Bush's presidency, but there had been no catalyst until that moment. The transition from a-political to political animal was nearly instantaneous. I went from solid moderate to foaming-at-the-mouth liberal in a heartbeat.

I voted for the first time in my life in the 2006 elections. I was part of the reason Arizona ended up with Democrats where no Democrats had gone before - or at least, not often. My friends and I were glued to the election results that night. Even the moderates among us were all breathless, hoping for Democrats. And we went insane with glee when the results rolled in from around the country, and the Democrats trounced the Republicons.

I've never given up the hope from that night. Even though the Democratic majority couldn't find their asses with both hands in the House, and were too slim for true power in the Senate, I knew we'd reached a turning point. It was just going to be a long climb back from the brink of disaster.

It takes a lot of effort to rescue a country from the hands of fanatics.

And make no mistake. Bush & Co. are fanatics. They are fundamentalists when it comes to executive authority. They fundamentally believe they have the right to turn this country into a dictatorship. They let the religious fundamentalists off the leash to wreak havoc. They've taken everything I ever loved and admired about my country and distorted it, dishonored it, cast it away.

Habeas corpus. Separation of church and state. Balance of powers. Rule of law. Decency. Moderation. Truth.

(Well, as much truth as politicians are capable of, anyway.)

They shoved me off my comfortable middle path and into a wilderness. They've made it impossible for me to ever go back to being an a-political being. They've done so much damage that I may not live long enough to see it set right. And I'll never forgive them for it.

I'll never forgive them for making me go to sleep worrying whether the Constitution will still be intact when I wake up.

I'll never forgive them for making me fear that we've gone too far toward a theocracy to pull back.

I'll never forgive them for making "secular" a curse rather than a blessing.

I'll never forgive them for making a mockery of justice and law.

I'll never forgive them for torturing other human beings.

I'll never forgive them for making me ashamed to be an American.

And I'm a forgiving person, my darlings. I've forgiven some rather severe transgressions against me. I don't hold many grudges. I'd rather make amends and find common cause, but there are some people so extreme that no common ground exists between you. I hadn't believed that until Bush. And Mark Mathis, but he's just a lying sack of shit who doesn't have the power to fundamentally destroy everything I've ever loved and cherished. He's nothing special. Bush, by virtue of having been handed the reins to this country not once but twice, has that power.

So I won't forgive. And I'll keep fighting. I'll fight Bush and his ilk, and I'll fight Mathis and his minions because the two are intimately related. Ignorant people don't make good choices in the voting booth. People like Mathis enable that ignorance, and people like Bush thrive on it. My darlings, I love this country too much to let them get away with it.

I love you too much.

That's right.

There are a lot of good people in this country. Good atheists and religious sorts and all shades in between, just doing their best to live decent lives, who sure as fuck didn't deserve what's happened to them over the last eight years. Bugger making the world safe for democracy. I'm just doing my little bit to try to make America safe for democracy. We'll get to the rest of the world and making it safe for whichever form of government best suits the populace once we've got our own shit back under control.

And we can do this. We've just got to reach for a little bit more wisdom, and we have to get involved. No more happy middle roads slipping safely unseen through the political landscape. The good people got a little too quiet there and let the freaks take over. It would be wise not to let that happen again.

There will come a day when the extremists are safely corralled on the fringes again. Someday, I'll go to bed with the certainty that I'm not going to wake up to another day of Orwellian nightmares, and you and I won't be fighting this rear-guard action against overwhelming fuckery. We'll be skirmishing, merely, putting out little brushfires here and there, nothing like what we're having to deal with now.

I can't wait for that day.

But even when it comes, I can't forgive.

Not this much. Not this time.

Tremendous Fangirl

Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. In Seattle. Awesome.

I just got back from the show. Roger's grown a goatee - little bit jarring, him looking like Johnny Depp as Captain Jack. P.H. Naffah now has a head of hair - apparently, our "Let the 'fro grow, bro!" chant a few shows back worked. And Stevie and Nick - I've never seen them more on.

Now I'm fucking homesick. The great thing about living in Arizona was getting to see them a half dozen times a year, including two trips to Mexico. I miss Mexico. I miss the Sea of Cortez, and hours of music with three thousand fans pressed around me, and fireworks, and tequila, and just the feeling of it all.

Other folks can have their religion. I have my Peacemakers. And I can tell you that there's a spirit at those shows that beats anything I ever felt in a church. Life is given a meaning beyond words. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I come out of those shows renewed. And I'd yammer your ears off about it, but if you've never been, you won't understand. So all I'm going to say is, when they're in your town next, drop in. Get acquainted. I can't promise you'll get the same boost I do, but there's no denying you'll have a good time. I've never seen a band that makes a concert more fun.

I came away with the new Turbo Ocho CD, a gorgeous shirt made just for writers (I'm Kissing the Muse), and the most important thing of all: hope.

They always leave me with the hope that enough of us can come together, cross the divides and mingle, that the world will become a finer place. Some of us will never reach that common ground, love each other enough to let each other just be who we are, but enough of us will.

Roger talked about the lot of us moving down to Mexico. You know something? I can think of far worse fates than spending the rest of my life lazing around on the beach with a bunch of Peacemakers fans and a ton of good tequila.

Let's go!

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the Republicons would prefer to keep our elections dirty:

Rep. Rush Holt’s (D-N.J.) Emergency Assistance for Secure Elections Act seemed like the kind of bill that should sail through Congress. The legislation would help local governments pay for paper trails and audits for electronic voting machines, adding safeguards to potential recounts
and a layer of integrity to the election process.

Indeed, Holt’s bill was so obviously worthwhile, when it came for a vote in the House Administration Committee a few weeks ago, even House Republicans voted for it — unanimously.

Incredible! A change of heart! We could make America safe for democracy yet. But wait... it's the Republicons we're talking about here. I suspect there's a fly in this ointment - ah-ha, there it is:

First, the White House announced its opposition. Soon after, the same House Republicans who’d voted for the bill in committee didn’t even want it to reach the House floor. (A spokesperson for Republicans on the Administration Committee said lawmakers didn’t realize how expensive it would be, and $685 million for reliable election results was apparently too high a price — though Holt insists it would actually cost far less.)

Shorter House Republicons: "Bu-bu-but Bush said he don't like it, so we were obviously wrong! About face! Integrity in the election process bad! Somebody bring us a lame excuse so we can pretend we're doing this for principle rather than power!"

Many Americans are finally beginning to understand just how fucking ridiculous these con artists are, but never fear - the Republicons can always rely on the 28-percenters. And a conservative-loaded Supreme Court who will pluck the ripe fruit of a contested election and hand it to them with nary a twinge of conscience.

And what happens when we in the reality-based community get upset about such nefarious things? What are we to do? Scalia has some advice:

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia usually shies away from media attention, but now that he has a book coming out, and interviews might help sell his new product, Scalia is opening up a bit. He chatted with “60 Minutes” and the discussion turned to “Bush v. Gore.”

Scalia’s message? Critics of the ruling should just “get over it.”

[snip]

It’s possible that I’m just petty. I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. But every time I hear conservatives argue that we should “get over it,” I’m reminded of why I continue to harbor grudges.

Republicans threw the political world into turmoil in 1998 by launching an impeachment crusade against Bill Clinton. It was an absurd and painful exercise. Those of us who are still annoyed by the fight are supposed to “get over it.”

In 2000, Republicans orchestrated a massive fraud in Florida, and, with the help of the Supreme Court, delivered the presidency to the candidate who came in second. Those of us who harbor resentment are told we should “get over it.”

Bush failed to take the terrorist threat seriously before 9/11? “Get over it.” Bush launched a disastrous war? “Get over it.” Bush is rewarding Swiftboat liars who helped smear a war hero with a vicious lie? “Get over it.”

It’s not enough for the GOP and its allies to engage in offensive conduct; they also insist, after a short while, that we stop being bothered by it.

That's right. We should just let go and, I'm sure, let God. This comes from the same group of assclowns who still obsess over Monica Lewinsky's stained blue dress, mind. Apparently, obsession is supposed to be an exclusive priveledge of Republicon Party membership. And Dems, independents, and other assorted members of the reality-based community should just get over the rampant hypocrisy, law-breaking, lying, and spectacular fuck-ups.

We'll get right on that.

Just as soon as McCain stops making spectacularly stupid claims about the debacle in Iraq:

The AP reports today that as a result of Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki’s recent offensive against Iraqi Shi’ite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr’s militia, Sadr may “set aside his political ambitions” and restart “a full-scale fight against U.S.-led forces.” The violence would likely show potentially disastrous security implications” across the country.

But Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is happy with the outcome. In a blogger conference call today, he said the results in Basra and southern Iraq were a “pleasant turn of events” in his view. Sadr, McCain says, is now marginalized.

Whew! That's great news - for a minute there, I was worried we might have a real horrific mess on our hands. But if McCain, who's just got loads of experience being a POW and a total incompetent on Sunni/Shi'a differences, says Sadir is "marginalized," it must be true, right? He's our Expert. Right?

Sadr is hardly marginalized; in fact, the opposite is likely true. As the AP notes, Sadr still commands at least 60,000 fighters — “5,000 thought to be highly trained commandos” — and he is “emboldened by its strong resistance to an Iraqi-led crackdown.”

Um.

Shit.

How could America's Expert in All Things Mooslim get it so wrong?

McCain has repeatedly misstated the outcome of the events in southern Iraq, for example, falsely claiming that Sadr “declared the ceasefire.” But, as he admitted last week when lauding the operation against Sadr, “Maybe I’m digging for the pony here.”

Ah. Gotcha. It's that whole pony thing again. Well, I've got news for McCain and other advocates of the Pony Strategy: if you have to dig for the pony, that means the pony's already dead. Ponies, in fact, don't live underground.

Get over it.

Vintage Market Bullshit

Back when humans rode dinosaurs and God was busy stuffing fossils into geological strata as part of his elaborate plan to punk scientists, I took Western Civilization I from a Calvinist named Ken Meier. He started the course by handing us a quote and asking us to date it. It was one of those "damned kids these days" moans. I, being prone to reason and highly suspicious that this was a major set-up, plumped for the 1500s while most folks in class were guessing the 1950s and Professor Meier just smirked at us all.

I was off by 2,000 years: it was from an ancient Greek, and it sounded exactly like what every generation of adults has said about every generation of teens since time began.

One day, I may extract myself from the gravitational anomaly otherwise known as my chair and go look the quote up for you. Today is not that day. But it comes to my mind because I'm in the midst of Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow, and it's a long treatise on "the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Digby's "Deep Insight" source has a stellar example:

The Fed has now become a merger and acquisitions specialist for investment banks. After the public has been put on the hook for $29 billion in highly questionable securities in the Bear Stearns debacle, there is an acknowledgement by the Treasury that there should be just a bit more regulation. Maybe start with minimum capital requirements in the investment banks and hedge funds. The political system has allowed this financial behavior to flourish, so now there are fig leaf reforms proposed by the Bush Administration. John Kenneth Galbraith once said that once the last of those who steered the country through the financial regulatory framework after the Depression were dead, the financial system would find a new way to implode. Capitalism, he explained, could not help itself.

The financial sector broadly defined is now over 20% of the economy. The addiction to risk and debt in the financial sector has dragged down the whole economy. Miracle returns at some private equity firms and hedge funds are built on cheap leverage. Meanwhile, the small investors saving for retirement are like lambs being led to slaughter. When measured in Euros since the peak in 2000, the Dow has lost nearly 40% of its value. Many of those baby boomers can forget about those extended European retirement trips.

This kind of insanity has been happening since markets came into existence. I refer you to Tulipmania, the South Sea Bubble, and this depressing list of notable stock market crashes. In America, a bubble sprang into being nearly simultaneously with the creation of the First Bank of the United States:

"When trading in shares commenced, prices promptly took off, buoyed by a money fever such as Americans had never witnessed.... So frenzied was the trading in scrip that many investors doubled their money within days, and the resulting madness was dubbed "scrippomania." [Chernow, page 357]

Revolutionary war soldiers who had been paid in bonds sold those bonds to speculators for a pittance: one of the first American instances of "small investors" being "led to slaughter," as Deep Insight so starkly puts it. Speculators made money. The country went apeshit. Thomas Jefferson, a dyed-in-the-wool misty-eyed agriculturalist, moaned. He frequently denounced the stock market as "gambling." He complained to George Washington that paper money was "withdrawing our citizens from... useful industry to occupy themselves and their capitals in a species of gambling, destructive of morality, and which had introduced its poison into the government itself." James Madison was beside himself with outrage. Invective and accusations flew, political parties were born, and North and South squared off as Alexander Hamilton played Federal Reserve with the economy and stablized the markets nearly by himself. Under a buttonwood tree on Wall Street, a group of gentlemen met to bring some sanity into the markets and created the New York Stock Exchange.

What's happening in the markets now has happened before. It's pure vintage bullshit.

What's the history we've learned over and over? Markets crash. Perfect laissez faire leads to rich bastards and wanna-be-rich-like-now bastards creating chaos. The government has to step in to pick up the pieces. Reactionaries wish we'd all go back to milking cows. Small investors get dismembered and left wondering where all their fucking money went. Oh, and when you remove government regulation, people get incredibly stupid and think that things like rampant speculation and subprime mortgages are fantastic ideas. This time, the bubble won't burst! Ohshit.

I imagine Ken Meier's still wearing that smirk. It's the history professor's patented "nothing new" smirk, and it makes me wonder: when the fuck are we going to learn?

And Now, A Note From Our Senior Teen Correspondent

Editor's note: I met Kaden a few years ago in a writer's forum, and he blew me away. It's rare for an adult to actually meet a teenager who can think rings around the smartest people you know. So we became fast friends, and I've almost given up arguing with him because he's too frequently right. It's with great pleasure, then, that I extract the post he so cleverly tried to hide in the comments and emblazon it across the face of En Tequila Es Verdad for all the world to see.

I'm reasonably sure he was joking about being our Senior Teen Correspondent, but I'm making it official. At least until I have to give way to Chronos and appoint him as our Senior Young Adult Correspondent.

Without further ado, then, I present you Kaden's report on abstinence-only education and the general fuckwittery thereof.

Being something of the Senior Teen Correspondent, I thought I'd shed my view on things.

SOME parents - I repeat, some - know what teens are doing these days. Some of _those_ parents know how to address those topics and have a mature, constructive discussion; but its only a small percentage of that smaller group of parents who also can summon up the courage to initiate that kind of discussion with their teen.

Other parents are about as clueless as a color-blind bomb defusal team. Abstinence-only education has NEVER worked. Of course, even in-depth sexual education won't stop a hormonal teenager from doing what they really want to be doing, but at least they have an idea of what could happen.

Clearly, though, the combination of sex ed, increased parent/child discussions, media coverage and a general increase in public knowledge, has had positive effects. Teen pregnancy rates across the U.S. have declined since about the 90s. Though, unfortunately, some statistics say that its started to level out and climb back up again in recent years.

In any case, the question at hand. Should abstinence-only education be taught in schools? No, and for a few reasons.

One, the saturation of media in our culture makes that level of sheltering nigh impossible, and even dangerous if it were actually achieved. Things like YouTube, the limitless number of pornographic websites, late-night HBO, and just about any music video with the images or words: bling, pimp, ho, playa/er, gangsta/er, rap.. well, you get the idea. It all educates us youngin's, in the wrong ways, if we were never educated any other way.

Two, on a more positive note, the culture has started to shift its paradigm as well. Condom commercials, which are frequent in most European locales, are finally starting to make their way into our networks. The younger age brackets right now are starting to learn things that we, as parents, will be able to more effectively teach our kids than our abstinence-fed parents were, by and large, not able to do for us.

Three, if you learn only one thing about us, its that the more obviously you try to hide the christmas presents, the more we'll start snooping around in closets.

Four, sex ed does actually help. I go to a high school five days a week. I see it every day. Between rock stars, sex idols, playboy and, of course, the internet, we are one horny bunch of people. However, programs like Planned Parenthood, where we can get free, confidential contraceptives, means that its all fun and no kids. At least, more often than before.

So look, the evidence that sexual education is a positive, if not wholly effective method, is irrefutable. To try to deny that is just..

Wait, who are we arguing with?

Republicans? Oh..

Fuck.

-Kaden, Senior Teen Correspondent, En Tequila Es Verdad

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

The Carpetbagger Report has a quick overview of "red meat" issues for both parties:

So, for Dems, throwing red meat to the base is taking on wage discrimination and insurance companies denying coverage. For Republicans, it’s constitutional amendments on gays and the flag.

Someone's priorities seem to be a little fucked up. Maybe I'm just sheltered, but I haven't had anyone tell me that they put flag protection above a livable wage. Why do people vote Republicon, again?

In related news, Republicons not only have difficulties with priorities, they seem to have a congenital inability to understand science:

Programs teaching U.S. schoolchildren to abstain from sex have not cut teen pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases or delayed the age at which sex begins, health groups told Congress on Wednesday.

The Bush administration, however, voiced continuing support for such programs during a hearing before a House of Representatives panel even as many Democrats called for cutting off federal money for so-called abstinence-only instruction.

[snip]

Rep. John Duncan, a Tennessee Republican, said that it seems "rather elitist" that people with academic degrees in health think they know better than parents what type of sex education is appropriate. "I don't think it's something we should abandon," he said of abstinence-only funding.

That's the most entertaining definition of elitist I've heard so far. An "elitist" is someone who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about compared to, oh, say, John or Jane Public. Lemme tell you something from experience: some parents don't have the first fucking clue about what's best for their kids. They have a completely pollyanna view of what their darling angels get up to, and no amount of reality changes their minds. Back in the day when my high school classmates were trying to get AIDS education on the agenda, their parents were saying, "But our kids don't have sex." This, mind you, is when an average of five girls were running around pregnant out of a student body of 500. Females are half a given population. You do the math and tell me nobody's having sex.

But for Republicons, anyone with a better understanding of reality than them is "elitist." Feels good to be an elitist, don't it?

Speaking of the terminally reality-challenged, John McCain's cunning plan to assist struggling families in our tanking economy is - wait for it - to offer "choices" on such things as education and health care, instead of providing what he likes to call "hand-outs." He further shows his spectacular lack of common sense by making this little speech before people who wouldn't be able to afford those choices should they be presented. Carpetbagger turns him over a knee for a well-deserved spanking:

So, on the one hand, McCain wants to cut taxes dramatically to benefit “corporations and upper-income families,” and on the other, McCain wants to cut federal spending. Since spending cuts for the military and national security are off the table — indeed, he’s vowed to
increase spending on both — it would necessarily mean McCain would make billions of dollars in cuts in spending that would benefit those who aren’t in “upper-income families.”

But if you’re in Appalachia and living in poverty, forget about a “handout.” In a McCain administration, they’re reserved for the same wealthy interests that have benefited throughout the Bush years.

What’s more, in about five months, Republicans will tell these same people in impoverished areas that they shouldn’t even consider voting for Barack Obama (or Hillary Clinton) because what really matters are flag pins. It’s like an arsonist telling a family whose home is on fire not to trust the man outside in the firetruck.

Indeed 'tis.

(not)My God, Are People Really This Dim?

I dropped by Spam Central, otherwise known as the inbox to my actual website, and came across this:

As if I'm going to read that subject line and think, "Yes, me! Yes! Glen Danzig wrote to me, and he wants me to have a bigger penis! He knows all the secrets!"

According to my inbox, I could have the biggest dick in the universe to compliment my enormous tits and the beautiful fake Rolex on my wrist.

Are people really this fucking pathetic?

Dear Media: Stop Sucking

There's not a day goes by where my blood pressure isn't raised by media asshattery of some description. They ignore issues that directly threaten our Constitution in favor of the latest celebrity crotch shot. They pass over Bush approving torture and obsess over the morning beverage choices of a certain presidential candidate. They yammer endlessly about ridiculous shit, and when someone calls bullshit, they snivel, "Bu-bu-but that's what the American public wants."

No, we fucking well do not want. That's what you decided we wanted, and no matter how often we tell you otherwise, you choose not to listen, you ignorant, pompous fools.

Paul Waldman has your number:

Reporters will choose to write about flag pins. They will choose to write about whether some catastrophic, heretofore hidden character flaw has been revealed by a comment a candidate made, or by a comment somebody who knows the candidate made. They are not merely onduits for the campaign’s discourse, they create the campaign’s discourse, as much as the candidates themselves.

I think there are a lot of reasons for the breakdown in American intelligence and ability to handle pieces of information larger than a soundbite (Religious Right, I'm looking at you. Yes, that is my middle finger shoved up your left nostril). We're busier, we're more distracted, and we're distracted by the newest shiny objects, but you know who's habituated us to bullshit masquerading as news? The fucking media, and their far-right handlers.

Kids who grow up in abusive homes think the abuse is normal. They think that's how everybody acts. People who are fed nothing but pap by the nation's media think pap is all it's about. They don't know there's an alternative. If the media stopped spoon feeding the lowest fucking common denominator, then the other denominators might smarten up a bit. And the denominators have discovered this wonderful thing called the Internet that's given them a window into another life. They're discovering the abuse isn't normal. They're discovering there's things like substantive issues and world opinion. They're hungry for steak. The media keeps feeding them pap.

Just because starving people eat what you give them doesn't mean it's what they actually want, you stupid fucking morons.

Steve Benen over at the Carpetbagger Report gets to the crux of the matter nicely:

To me, there are two key problems with the media’s emphasis on trivia, mini-controversies, and the buzz of the day. The first is emphasis — I know there’s going to be some interest and coverage of some minor flap or another, but on a daily basis, it’s wildly disproportionate. That was one of the jarring things about last week’s debate — not that there were some questions about the various distractions, but that there were 15 questions about the distractions that constituted the entire first half of the event.

The second is that, too often, the media takes trivia and decides it really isn’t trivia at all. Instead of mindless coverage of some inconsequential flap or gaffe, an outlet or media personality will insist that the flap or gaffe deserves to be elevated into a national controversy, worthy of serious and genuine analysis. So, when Obama bowls a 37, it’s not just a punch-line or the subject of good-natured ribbing, it becomes an excuse to scrutinize Obama’s manliness and his ability to connect with small-town voters. If he orders orange juice at a diner, it’s the same thing. Clinton’s laugh drew similar scrutiny, as did the price of Edwards’ haircuts.

It’s not enough to highlight the sideshow; the media wants people to believe the sideshow is a serious issue. That’s the problem.

Sideshows were never meant to be the centerpiece of the circus. That's why they're sideshows, you see. It's time our media realize that. To help them along, I have a not-so-friendly message:

You have a choice in the matter: you can choose to continue your decline from watchdogs of democracy to Fifi the Performing Poodle, or you can consult a good proctologist to have your heads extracted from the right wing's colon. Seems to me the choice should be easy.

The 28-Percenters

Tristero over at Digby's explains why we shouldn't be heartened that Bush has the lowest approval rating of any president ever:

Bush At 69% Disapproval. That's the highest ever disapproval for a president. And 28% approve.

You may think that sounds like very low approval but it's not. Actually, it's disturbingly high. Let me explain by way of an example.

You're driving down a highway, minding your own business. However approximately 28 of every 100 drivers hurtling towards you at 55 to 65 mph plus are so utterly unhinged from reality they actually think Bush is doing a good job. Your life is in their hands..

When you put it that way, yeah, 28% is awfully damned high. And they're probably the reason Seattle's smelled a little strange lately. Today's Seattle Times explains why:

A couple of months ago, the U.S. Border Patrol began occasional "spot checks" of every vehicle and passenger arriving in Anacortes off state ferries, the lifeline between these islands and the mainland.

[snip]

San Juan Islanders are used to customs inspections in Anacortes if they take the ferry that comes from Sidney, B.C. Before now, though, they were never subjected to checks on domestic ferry runs.

That changed in February, when federal agents started corralling everyone off domestic ferries into a fenced-off area in Anacortes and questioning them about their citizenship. It now happens once, maybe twice a week; no one has any way to know if they will be stopped.

No wonder the islanders are bandying about terms like "police state." No wonder something stinks to high heaven. Let me not put too fine a point on this, my darlings: The United States Border Patrol is now doing border checks on domestic fucking ferries.

Oh, they have sweet things to say, like how they're protecting us all from the mean nasty terrorists who might sneak in through the San Juans, but you know and I know they've dropped a steaming pile of bullshit on us and are now claiming it's a rose. Let us pause for a moment and remember just how many other Constitutional principles have been eviscerated in the name of "protecting us from terrorists." Now let us reflect on how totalitarian states are created.

That's right. Freedoms and rights are gradually eroded in the name of security, and then one day you wake up with a dictator in power and no power to fight back.

In my own fucking city, this happens. Only the 28-percenters would think this is a great idea and a sound use of government power.

At least the ACLU was invited in and is now diligently sniffing. Methinks it's time to get myself that membership card.

Speaking of totalitarian states, what do the folks at the top got that the folks on the bottom have not? That's right. Bags and bags of money:



But McCain's still in touch with the common muck, right? Wrongo:

Standing before a nearly shuttered factory pocked with broken windows, John McCain on Tuesday urged Americans to reject the “siren song of protectionism” and embrace a future of free trade.

He used his own recent political fortunes — a dramatic fade followed by an unexpected comeback to secure the Republican presidential nomination — to illustrate that depressed Rust Belt cities such as Youngstown can have bright futures.

"A person learns along the way that if you hold on — if you don’t quit no matter what the odds — sometimes life will surprise you,” McCain said.

Did the campaign not appreciate how jarring the juxtaposition would be? He’s talking about the benefits of existing trade policy in front of a
factory that’s closing after the implementation of existing trade policy. He’s a multi-millionaire telling factory workers to “hold on” and wait for “surprises,” apparently not aware of the fact that those are the last five employees of a factory that had more than 100 employees a few years ago.

No, CB, the campaign did not appreciate the sheer magnitude of fuckwittery choosing that location displayed, because they are the cream of the 28-percenters, and they share the same deep connection to the common folk that Marie Antoinette did when she said of starving peasants, "Let them eat cake." She said this not out of petty spite, as is so widely believed, but because in her world, if you ran out of bread, there was always cake available. She could not conceive of a world without cake.

Neither can the 28-percenters.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

He can write memos about torturing people, and he can talk to the media about it, but when Congress cordially invited John Yoo to testify about torture in front of the House Judiciary Committee, he's suddenly mute (h/t to Carpetbagger):

In a letter, Yoo's lawyer told Conyers he was "not authorized" by DOJ to discuss internal deliberations.

"We have been expressly advised by the Office of Legal Counsel of the United States Department of Justice that Professor Yoo is not authorized to discuss before your Committee any specific deliberative communications, including the substance of comments on opinions or policy questions, or the confidential predecisional advice, recommendations or other positions taken by individuals or entities of the Executive Branch," Yoo's lawyer, John C. Millian, wrote in a letter to Conyers.

Millian also noted that Yoo was involved in a lawsuit over the legal memos and that it would "not be appropriate" for him to testify while the litigation was pending.

Funny how shy they get when they realize that there might be legal consequences for breaking the law, innit?

And speaking of folks in our federal government who are a little chary about telling the truth, the Veteran's Administration may have, you know, kinda forgotten to mention just a few suicides among vets:

WASHINGTON — The Veterans Administration has lied about the number of veterans who've attempted suicide, a senator charged Wednesday, citing internal e-mails that put the number at 12,000 a year when the department was publicly saying it was fewer than 800.

"The suicide rate is a red-alarm bell to all of us," said Sen. Patty Murray, D-Wash. Murray also said that the VA's mental health programs are being overwhelmed by Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, even as the department tries to downplay the situation.

"We are not your enemy, we are your support team, and unless we get accurate information we can't be there to do our jobs," Murray told Deputy Secretary of Veterans Affairs Gordon Mansfield during the Senate Veterans Affairs Committee hearing.

How the fuck can they downplay this? By my calculation, there's an 11,200 difference between their public and private figures, and my senator's a lot better at math than I am. Note to the VA: if you're going to fudge figures, you might want to make it a little less fucking obvious.

Speaking of people who haven't mastered the art of the plausible lie, let's see how CNN's new anchor, former White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, handles the truth:

April 2008: Snow told Dennis Miller that Barack Obama voted "present" upwards of 160 times in the U.S. Senate. But, OH NOES! It turns out he never did, ever, not even once!

December 2007: Snow goes before the graduation ceremony at Oklahoma Christian University and tells them that there is a "War on God" going on the United States, and that "The average Iranian is more Pro-American than virtually any college faculty in this country."

And maybe CNN should have vetted Snow a little better, because in the same month, Bill O'Reilly told Snow, "But you can't go over to CNN. I mean, that's the devil over there. You can't. You know. You're a religious guy. You can't go into the pagan throne over there."

July 2007: Snow assesses the surge thusly: "I think what you've seen is a declining level in the overall pace of attacks." All true, so long as by "declining" you mean to say, "Why won't they stop attacking us? Didn't we tell them that the Surge was working?"

Ooo, not too good. And The Huffington Post has much, much more! Somehow, I don't think his historic challenges with understanding reality are going to get any better now, do you?

And people wonder why I don't watch CNN anymore. It's become the Conservative No-news Network.

Expelled Brings the Kooks A-Runnin'

Over at Pharyngula, PZ's thrown some creationist chum in the water. It's really not pretty: theists don't hold up well against science advocates, rational thinkers, and atheists who can quote the Bible chapter and verse.

But before you feel sympathy, remember that the dumbfucks brought it on themselves:

A fair number of creationists must be leaving a certain propaganda movie and getting on to the internet to find targets of their ire, because I'm getting a little surge in hate mail — mostly short, petty whines and
accusations.

[snip]

Creationists, much as I'd love to smack down every one of your silly arguments, I can't possibly do it one by one. Hang around, ask questions in the comments, and take your turn: we'll eventually get around to dismantling your ludicrous claims.

The fools took him up on that offer. They found out there's no "eventually" when it comes to Pharyngula readers: the dismemberment is immediate, vicious and complete.

Some other deluded fuckwit sent Michael Shermer a love note that showed just how wide he'd opened his mouth when the Expelled crew ejaculated into it:

Now I truly understand who you atheists and darwinists really are! You people believe that it was okay for my great-grandparents to die in the Holocaust! How disgusting. Your past article about the Holocaust was just window dressing. We Jews will fight to keep people like you out of the United States!

Richard Dawkins was kindly enough to post an open letter to him and to all others who might have swallowed such excretions:

Dear Mr J

Michael Shermer forwarded me a letter from you which suggests that you have unfortunately been taken in by Ben Stein's mendacious and/or ignorant suggestion that Darwin is somehow to blame for Hitler. I hope you will not mind if I write to you and try to undo this grievous error.

It's worth reading in full. Unless, of course, you're one of those who can't stand any sign of sympathy and human kindness in an atheist.

These people have a definite victim complex, and I think I'm beginning to see where it comes from. They truly are victims: they're victimized every day by their rabid pastors, by rapacious propaganda pushers, and by their own desperate need to believe they're special. They're lied to constantly, and expected to be stupid enough never to question the lie. It must be horrible for them to be faced with any evidence that they've been played for suckers.

Instead of confronting that sad reality, they strike out at Dawkins and PZ as the enemy. I'm just vastly amused by the fact that some of them, in trying to destroy those they see as enemies, are going to get exposed to the truth. Some of them will even be strong enough to get royally pissed off at being duped.

The terminally deluded will just get their asses handed to them in a baggie. Fun times.

The Short, Sharp Retort: Expelled Edition

In this installment, we once again take up the complexity of the evolution vs. IDiot debate, and reduce it to simple terms for the simple-minded:

Retort to teach the controversy! Absolutely. You can teach Intelligent Design in science classrooms as soon as atheists can teach their views in Bible Study.

Retort to atheists and scientists are terrified of Expelled! Look at their response! Yes, we fear insane, lying pieces of shit and the stupid people who believe them. Who wouldn't?

Retort to Expelled is a success! By your standards, yes. By a normal person's, not so much.

Retort to Expelled proves Intelligent Design advocates are persecuted! Yep, being denied tenure because you're a lazy fucker is right up there with being fed to lions.

Retort to why are you atheists and scientists so angry about Intelligent Design? We were perfectly happy before you took a shit in our sandbox and called it science.

Alternates: It kind of upsets me when someone wants to replace modern medicine with bullshit.

Kinda want future medical scientists taught science so they can develop actual cures.

Tell you what. I'll make a movie about how Christianity led to Hitler and see how cheerful you feel afterward.

A further retort to science makes people atheists! Science doesn't make people atheists. Pat Robertson does. (Courtesy of Nicole)

On that last, you can of course now insert the name of any leading light of the Expelled debacle. I have a feeling that we're going to see an influx of disillusioned folks quite soon. For those already having doubts about their faith, seeing those fools frothing all over the big screen will likely be the final straw.

As always, feel free to leave your own contributions to the Retort in comments. You, too, could have your rapier wit prominently highlighted.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Looks like Hillary Clinton may get her hollow victory:

MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox News are all reporting that Hillary Clinton will win the Pennsylvania’s Democratic primary.

The margin of victory, however, will likely make all the difference. A narrow win for Clinton may end up looking like a moral victory for Barack Obama. Indeed, there are some reports this evening that the Obama campaign’s strategy of late was to force Clinton to spend heavily for a single-digit victory, which would leave her with limited resources for the remaining contests.

I agree with Carpetbagger: I think anything at this point is a moral victory for Barak, but then, I'm partial. I like the idea of a president with a brain who's new enough to Washington to have a few fresh ideas. I guess that means I'm fucking insane.

Speaking of Barak Obama, somebody needs to explain to the boy what science means:

It’s pretty unusual for John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama to agree on a controversial subject. It’s even more unusual for them to agree and to contradict the available evidence, but apparently that’s the case today on the subject of vaccines and autism.

[snip]

Here’s Obama on the subject yesterday:

“We’ve seen just a skyrocketing autism rate. Some people are suspicious that it’s connected to the vaccines. This person included. The science right now is inconclusive, but we have to research it.”

Been there, done that. Debunked. I'd bash the other two, but Carpetbagger did a fine job and, not to put too fine a point on it, Obama has excellent brains and should know better.

In other news, our media continues its perfect trend of being absolute fucking losers:

I was hoping to write about the fallout from the NYT's Saturday story regarding the media's use of Pentagon-controlled "independent" military analysts, but there hasn't really been any fallout at all. Despite being accused by the NYT in a very lengthy, well-documented expose of misleadingly feeding government propaganda to their viewers and readers, virtually all media outlets continue their steadfast refusal to address or even acknowledge the story. How can "news" organizations refuse to address -- just completely ignore -- accusations which fundamentally indict their behavior as "journalists"?

Easy. They clap their hands over their ears and sing, "I'm not listening, la la LA la la. Holy crap, did Obama just order orange juice? The nerve!"

Aren't you guys a little bit sick of Glenn Greenwald, not to mention the entire rest of the country, finding you such easy targets?

Our fourth estate is bankrupt, my darlings. Perhaps it's time to take our seats in the heckler's chair. Once I'm finished ripping apart the "atheists should sit quietly in a corner" crowd, I'll whip us up a letter to our vaunted press with niggling little questions like, "So why are you all such complete fucking failures? How does Bush's butt taste? Do you kiss it with or without tongue?"

Any questions you'd like to add?

Fuck Your Framing

I'm remarkably pissed right now.

I generally enjoy Dispatches from the Culture Wars. Ed Brayton's got a sharp wit and a sharper pen. He calls bullshit with concision. And he's merciless with a variety of right-wing hate merchants. So I went over there tonight expecting the usual incisive posts, not a flame war over framing and an incredible degree of bullshit from... Ed.

But this isn't about Ed. This is about the smarmy little fuckers who want us atheists to shut up and play nice with the pious.

For those of you coming late to the party, a bit of history, as I understand it. A bloke named Matt Nisbet has decided that science needs to bow and scrape to religious sentiment. It needs to defang itself in the interest of not scaring away all the godly folk. He calls it "framing." Another bloke named Chris Mooney, who used to be well-respected, has turned into a toadying worshipper of this framing. And they both like to beat up on people like PZ Myers and Richard Dawkins because they're vocal atheists and that might scare the timid religious folks away.

I haven't been keeping up on that drama. I read a few posts by both of the gents in question and found them smarmy suck-ups with no balls and fewer morals. I've heard Mooney's not that kind of man, that he's actually a grand defender of science who's done great things. I have no idea if that's true, simply because his recent work has been pure fucking swill and I can't stomach it.

Right? Now that you're up to date, let me 'splain what's got me steaming like a pan of water on the sun.

Ed put up a post saying that Expelled wasn't much of a success. Mr. Mooney dropped by to say this:

Hi Ed,

If you compare Stein to the single most successful political documentarian ever, Michael Moore, then no, Ben Stein hasn't beaten
him after one week.

In other words, if you define success as something virtually impossible to attain, then no, Ben Stein did not succeed.

He got his ass soundly handed to him by many of the commenters, as well he should. If ever a man deserved to take his balls home in a baggy, it was him. You do not preach to a bunch of independent-minded scientists to shut the fuck up and let the big boys do the framing, and then fail to frame. You don't post a defeatist claim that Expelled succeeded wildly and then come by to belabor the point on the blogs of people who believe otherwise. He seems to have developed the same desire for martyrdom that the IDiots have. I dropped by his blog to make sure I wasn't treating him unfairly, and got a blast of "oh, poor me, I'm fearfully mistreated!" whining worthy of the Republicans. Chris - here's some pearls, and I'm sure the neocons will be happy to budge over on the fainting couch so you've got room, dear. Have a good lie-down and stop fucking bawling.

Jesus H. Christ.

But that wasn't what got me outraged. That's tangenital. What's really gotten up my nose here is the little fuckers who've taken it upon themselves who decide who speaks and who doesn't. Commenters and bloggers who like to tell folks like PZ that they should engage in some enlightened self-censorship:

Now PZ is probably getting a lot of negative newbies at his blog this weekend, and this was on the front page for a good portion of it. Now imagine what some of the moderate Christians who are new to his site think when they see that post.

So I throw out this question to every one. Could PZ have framed this post better? I think if he had said "Parents - don't send your children to THIS Christian school", that the moderate Christians new to his blog would have agreed with him entirely.

You know what, Doctorgoo? No, he fucking well couldn't. It's not PZ Myers's fucking job to muzzle himself. He has not been annointed the Supreme High Science Ambassador. He is a vocal atheist who couldn't give two shits about framing. He's one of the loudest and clearest voices speaking against religion's hypocrisy and evil. It's beyond ridiculous to expect him to switch to a fruit-basket offering, smiling, conciliatory atheist just because you think that maybe if he did that the fundies would start thinking of him as actually a pretty nice guy. I have news for you, all of you, who want us to "frame" things in a nice and inoffensive manner: you don't know fuck about fundies. An atheist who whispers sweet nothings into religion's ear is just as demonic to them as one who blasts them at every opportunity.

Don't hand me this bullshit about framing. Do not stand around wringing your fucking hands talking about how we should all be nice to each other, even to the bastards who are doing their level best to destroy science and impose their fucked-up fundamentalism on the rest of the country.

We got to the state we're in because we were nice and conciliatory and tried desperately hard not to offend people.

It's time to go on the fucking offensive.

And if you think that's not so, why is PZ hands-down the most popular blogger on ScienceBlogs?

It's time for the non-believers to start screaming. It's time to come out with fist and fang. These people see moderation as weakness. And the folks on the sidelines, they hear the loudest side. The sweet voice of reason doesn't rise above the din. But people come out swinging for science, and suddenly there's more than the religious freaks to watch. There's something fascinating going on.

And you know what? They learn a little science.

I'm so fucking through with treating religion with kid gloves. My ideas and philosophies get trampled and spat upon and derided, and you want to tell me and people like me that we should be nice? Bull fucking shit. I'm not pummeling the moderates. You know my stance. But this bullshit about atheists needing to step aside for religious folk, that stops now.

If religion's too fucking delicate to take it, that's its problem. The Christians I know, they're not afraid of contentious atheists, and you know what? I respect them a fuck of a lot more than those fainting violets who think they're teh awesome in God but need to hide behind snivelling "no fair" arguments the second someone says the least little thing not nice about it.

It's not fucking fair. It's not supposed to be fair. You go into a lion's den, you'd better fucking expect teeth. You'd better enjoy danger. PZ's not going to moderate himself for a few folks with delicate sensibilities and a "can't-touch-this" attitude toward religion, and it is beyond insane for his fellow free-thinkers to expect him to. Maybe, just maybe, instead of asking PZ, Dawkins et all to don muzzles, the more religiously inclined scientists could take theirs off and join the brawl.

Oh, and Ed? No hard feelings. I still respect you. But you're making an ass of yourself running around demanding apologies for poor Mr. Mooney. He's a big boy. He can wipe his own tears and maybe earn back some of the respect he lost when he became a pandering whiner.

For a more level-headed view of the need for a good fight, see Greg Laden, Nullifidian, and Blue Collar Scientist. You'll get a more reasoned opinion from me later. This was the initial eruption. This volcano has not yet begun to explode.

One Hundred

That's right, my darlings. The 100th post. A landmark day.

Pop a cork and celebrate with me. I couldn't have done it without you.

You know what else I'd like to see reach 100? The Skeptologists! Which means it needs to be picked up by a network. So drop on by, if you haven't already, and send a note of support. I think the Skeptologists would go nicely with some Mythbusters, don't you?

Kick back, raise your glass, and have a little skeptical TV.

Here's to you, here's to quality programming, and here's to life.



We now return you to your regularly scheduled ranting, already in progress.

Tequila and Great Music, Anyone?

Post-dated to stay up here awhile.


My darlings, I'm not sure how many of you may be near Seattle, but if you're in town April 25th, so are the Peacemakers. We should go.

Never heard of the Peacemakers? No problemo. You'll still have a great time. I'd never heard a Peacemakers' song before I went to my first show. I enjoyed it immensely anyway.

Don't like that kind of music? Doesn't matter. Neither do I. I'm a symphonic/power/black metal person myself, the occasional foray into my sordid Western/80s New Wave distant past aside. But the Peacemakers transcend normal tastes.

Besides. You'll be drinking. A lot.

Don't like tequila? For shame That's perfectly fine. There are plenty of other beverages that will compensate.

And you can hang out with Dana. Really in real life Dana. How cool is that?

It'll be pretty cool. I'll be pissed, plastered, smashed, hammered, and not to put too fine a point on it, pretty damned drunk. People tell me I'm fairly amusing when I'm sloshed, snookered, or otherwise intoxicated. You'll at least have that for entertainment value until the Peacemakers take the stage.

So drop on by Neumos on April 25th. I'll be there. You know what I look like. Same hair, same hat. Just look for the drunken black metal chick in the black straw hat screaming "Roger!" at the top of her lungs.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

I generally choose our discurso on the What the Fuck? factor: if an item makes me say, "What the fuck?!" I include it. This one from the AP certainly qualifies:

White House calendars are not generally considered public records, but reporters and watchdog groups have used Secret Service documents, which normally are public, to report on White House visitors.

Rather than having those documents released on a case-by-casis basis, the Bush administration wants them considered White House documents, which would keep them from public view for more than a decade.

Why, other than sheer contrariness, does Bush want those documents withheld? Well, for one, they would show how much influence religious conservatives have had on White House policy. I'm thinking it's probably a lot more pervasive than we realize.

And, of course, Bush & Cheney just like to keep secrets from Americans. It's their favorite fucking hobby, innit?

In other news, Kevin Drum from Political Animal went to see Expelled. Kevin, what did you think?

Answer: not very good. Stein's basic problem is that during the first half hour or so he keeps his film sounding fairly reasonable. Maybe ID proponents really are getting the shaft! But it's also deadly dull. After 30 minutes I was wondering how long he could possibly stretch this stuff out.

Then it picked up. Unfortunately for Stein and the IDers, it did so only by becoming increasingly unhinged. Stein spends the final half hour wandering around Dachau and telling us outright that his real motivation for attacking evolution isn't any real flaw in the theory, but his belief that Darwinism leads directly to Nazi-ism, eugenics, atheism, the breakdown of morals, and mass slaughter. Can't have that, so evolution needs to go too.

Nice. Read the full review: it's got a happy ending. And no, they didn't win Kevin's allegiance. Kevin is smart.

And finally, we've got a bit of what you might call a contradiction: McCain, the Earmark Avenger, took a ferry ride to highlight "forgotten Americans." He seems to have forgotten that earmarks are evil:

But McCain’s appearance at the ferry conflicts with his contention that he will abolish earmarks from the federal budget, considering that the Gee’s Bend ferry was funded by a federal earmark in the 2005 Transportation/Treasury Appropriations Act.

Whoops! Guess that's what happens when you give up your principles for politics.

Gone Splat

I've gone splat against the wall, my darlings. Today's been so full of outrageous political bullshit that I'm overwhelmed, and I'm too tired to digest it. Feels like that closet you've been chucking stuff into for decades, and you've just watched some program on freeing yourself of clutter. You troop off to that closet, fired with zeal, yank open the door, go "Oh my fucking god, where do I even begin?" and slam the door again. Only in my case, the stuff came out like a tsunami and smashed me into the drywall. Owies.

So I'm going to sit here, eat cheesecake, and 'splain why that big red A is hanging about the place. You've been duly warned. If you'd rather indulge in some meatier fare, you could try Carpetbagger's "Senator Hothead," wherein the question is asked, "In the event of a crisis, do we want a leader known for his rage-induced tirades and unstable temperament?" Or skip over to the New York Times, which has finally noticed that Bush authorized "The Torture Sessions." Glenn Greenwald has a "Major revelation: U.S. media deceitfully disseminates government propaganda," which I skimmed for Happy Hour. He's not as nice as I was. Secher Nbiw asks the "10 Debate Questions John McCain Will Never Be Asked." And I can always recommend Digby's Hullaballoo as a smorgasboard of outragey goodness. In fact, while I was pulling the link for that one, I saw Tristero's taken to telling the young 'uns that "Torture Is Always Immoral." I couldn't agree more.

Can't get enough of Expelled-bashing? Try Thoughts in a Haystack. There's a plethora of great stuff up just since yesterday. It's the go-to place for a good, hearty laugh at IDiot's expense. And Evolving Thoughts has a wonderful little fable that meshes beautifully with my own views, so of course I adore it.

Right, then. Don't say I didn't give you alternatives.

I've recently reconnected with some cherished friends from long ago. We haven't talked in years. Last they knew of me, I was headed down to the Valley of Death the Sun to get myself a degree. I was officially agnostic, I talked a lot about the voices in my head (yes, my characters do chatter at me), I didn't give two tugs on a dead dog's dick for politics, I'd been leaning toward a strange amalgamation of Zen Buddhism/Taoism with a smattering of Odin, and I was officially agnostic.

Next thing they know, I'm up in Seattle with a big red atheist A splashed in the sidebar of my blog, bitching about politics and creationists.

My, how things have changed.

I am, indeed, officially an atheist now. It was a little hard to deny after I calculated my God Delusion Index and came up with a 5. I answered exactly one (1) (uno) question Yes:

5. Do you believe that a deeply contemplative act such as prayer or meditation can result in knowledge or understanding not attainable through ordinary thought?

I don't believe, I know. Read too much about altered states of consciousness, I have. Studied Zen Buddhism and actually sort of understood some of it, didn't I? Get into that "zone" where I'm not writing a story, I'm taking dictation, right? Even heard stories of scientists struggling with thorny physics problems and not getting the answer until they stop thinking and fall into a reverie. I'd go look up the particular story I have in mind, but I'm sitting here with some cheesecake, yammering at you lot, and I can't remember the book it's in, so it'll have to wait.

But all of that's human. And that's what I realized. For all of my love for mythology, fairy tales, bizarre (to Westerners) philosophies, I'm not a believer in anything but the human imagination.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped looking for the divine. Stopped caring so much whether it existed out there or in here. I've become an odd creature, able to believe six impossible things before breakfast, but simultaneously knowing they're nothing more than imagination. That doesn't make it any less delightful. That doesn't mean I love the stories less.

If anything, it's more incredible. Actual existing supernatural beings would be a yawn. No more fantastic than the chair I'm sitting in. Bo-ring. Rather diminishes humanity in the bargain, if you ask me.

But imagination, now. That's really something. That's huge. That's us. We did that. Incredible.

Let me just tell you a little story. There's a point to it, I promise.

Many years ago, in Flagstaff, I took a smoke break and walked outside. I was busy lighting up and looking at the pine trees in the lot next to our building, soaking up the sun and thinking of absolutely nothing. And something caused me to turn around. Some sense of being watched. I look over, and I see the gray cinderblock walls through a mist of rain. And they're shading into stone. And there's a very young man with longish black hair sitting there, against the side of the building, huddled with his arms wrapped around his knees. The rain is dripping from his hair, and I'm still standing in brilliant, dry sunlight.

I just stand, and stare, shocked. I think I recognize him. I haven't thought of him in years. "Nikki?" I finally say, and my voice is thin, full of the same sort of disbelief you'd feel upon turning around and seeing your travel-phobic friend somehow behind you right in the middle of Rome.

He looks up, slowly, and nods. Just once.

"I guess it's time to write you, then." It never matters how shocked I am. Snark is second nature.

He smiles at me, the rain streaming down his face, and then a squirrel dropped from one of the trees and gave me a jolt. I looked back, and he was gone. But the image never faded, and a character I thought had no place or purpose in my world was suddenly central.

Crazy, isn't it? But things like that happen to authors. Other people see Jesus in their toast, we see our characters in random places, so real and immediate we could touch them, feel living flesh beneath our hand. It doesn't matter that they come from so deep in our imaginations we're not conscious of their residence there. To us, they're real. And that's why I understand people clinging to gods. To them, their god is real. To each our own.

That still does not give them the right to try to convert me. Doesn't give them the right to pass judgement. Let's be clear, there. I'm not going around preaching the advent of Nikki, the autistic wunderkind and trying to force him into the classroom, so I'd appreciate the same courtesy in return. People have a choice in what fiction they read, and it's a very personal choice what fiction they choose to believe.

People may get the impression, reading the rants on this blog, that I have no patience for religion. And often, I don't, because religion gets pretty obnoxious. It's not the faith itself, so much, but the way people react to it. They push, I push back. It's the way of things. That shouldn't give the impression that I'm out to end religion. I don't want to end it any more than I'd want some complete bastard to come take my characters away from me. Unless, of course, I start forcing their literal truth on folks.

Faith has done some incredible good as well as incredible evil. I'd like to see less of the evil and more of the good, actually. We'll talk more about that sometime, but for now, I just want to give you two words: Mother Theresa. Yes, I honor those whose faith leads them into a life of sacrifice and service for the poor and sick. I appreciate them, and I wouldn't want to see them go, any more than I want to see biology crippled by misguided notions of piety.

I understand how comforting faith is. Another story, brief: on September 11th, 2001, when I'd just seen the video of the Towers crashing down, I remember standing with my hand on a cubicle wall feeling as if the entire world was ending. The future fell away in a gaping, black chasm. Some people reach for gods in those moments. I just heard the voice of one of my main characters, saying with calm conviction, "We survived. Dana. We survived this. Don't worry."

I know she's not a voice from the heavens. I know she's a voice from deep within me. And that doesn't reduce the power of that moment one iota. It still resonates. I wouldn't have made it through that day without the certainty her voice gave me. And she was right. We did survive.

Do you see what I'm saying, you religious folks? Science doesn't threaten God. As long as you don't cling to the need for your gods to be objectively real, science can't touch them at all. Science hasn't done shit to kick my characters out of my head. They're still in there, taking up space, saying outrageous things at inopportune moments and making people who've never encountered a writer before reach for the nice white jacket with the long sleeves and fashionable buckles.

Science can never minimize the power of the human imagination. The only thing that can do that is insisting that everything in our imagination has to be really real. We place such severe limits on its power and scope when we do that. I did my characters the same discourtesy, once. I nearly smothered them. Then I became an atheist, and they can breathe again. I can feed them with all sorts of new ideas, because they're not limited to the idea I had ten years ago. Heh, look at that, they're evolving, and they're better than ever.

So that's it, in a not-so-tiny nutshell. The whole reason for that A. It's there because I have a God Delusion Index of 5 and a universe in my head. It's there because I refuse to limit my very human and extremely entertaining imagination. It's there because I don't need to be anything more than a human being evolved by chance, in a cosmos that's revealed by science to be more awesome than anything I ever imagined.

It's there because it sets me free to experience it all.

*Update: Really did go splat, there. Forgot the title. My, oh my.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

The word o' the day is ludicrous. Or we could just go for plain speech and say "fucking stupid bullshit." You pick:

How stupid has the flag-pin nonsense become? Karl Rove told a national television audience that Barack Obama’s argument is that, “If you wear a flag lapel pin, you’re not a true patriot.” He did not appear to be kidding.

[snip]

When O’Reilly is defending Obama against shameless hackery, you know Rove has gone over the edge.

No kidding. I'm headed outside to see if there's anybody on a pale horse lurking around.

In other news, in case you were wondering how far the Bush Administration would go to lie to you, the New York Times has an answer:

Records and interviews show how the Bush administration has used its control over access and information in an effort to transform the analysts into a kind of media Trojan horse — an instrument intended to shape terrorism coverage from inside the major TV and radio networks.

Analysts have been wooed in hundreds of private briefings with senior military leaders, including officials with significant influence over contracting and budget matters, records show. They have been taken on tours of Iraq and given access to classified intelligence. They have
been briefed by officials from the White House, State Department and Justice Department, including Mr. Cheney, Alberto R. Gonzales and Stephen J. Hadley.

In turn, members of this group have echoed administration talking points, sometimes even when they suspected the information was false or inflated. Some analysts acknowledge they suppressed doubts because they feared jeopardizing their access.

Isn't that rich? The Administration says, "Lie to the American public or we won't talk to you anymore." The analysts squeal, "No, please! Not that! I'll say anything, just don't hate me!"

Let me just ask one little question here: what the fuck good is it for people to have access if all they can do with it is lie? They're supposed to be analysts, for fuck's sake. The second you stop analyzing and start lying, you're no longer an analyst, you're a mouthpiece. You're a sock puppet. You're a worthless piece of shit. Are we clear?

Good. Now, let's go over something else about analysis:

The New York Times today examines John McCain's very Bush-like propensity to run around slapping the "Al Qaeda" label on everyone we're fighting in Iraq, even though . . . it's completely false to describe them that way. The article, needless to say, asks war cheerleader and Extremely Serious Middle East Expert Kenneth Pollack of the Brookings Institution what he thinks about that and he replies with one of the most striking statements in a while:

Some other analysts do not object to Mr. McCain's portraying the insurgency (or multiple insurgencies) in Iraq as that of Al Qaeda. They say he is using a "perfectly reasonable catchall phrase" that, although it may be out of place in an academic setting, is acceptable on the campaign trail, a place that "does not lend itself to long-winded explanations of what we really are facing," said Kenneth M. Pollack, research director at the Saban Center for Middle East Policy
at the Brookings Institution. [emphasis in original]

You're analysts. Your job is to analyze, not make excuses for brain-dead candidates who can't tell the difference between a Sunni, a Shi'a, and his own left buttcheek. Calling everybody "al Qaeda" is not "a perfectly reasonable catchall phrase." It's lying. Didn't we just discuss this?

I'm sorry. I must have been drinking too much. I left out part of the word o' the day. It's actually, "Ludicrous Buffoon."

Argh.

Pomp and Pope

I've been to a Catholic church exactly once. It was embarrassing. Stand, kneel, confusedly try to follow everybody's lead, fuck up royally by trying to follow them up for Communion (a grubby non-Catholic such as myself doesn't get to participate in cannibalism). It seemed like a lot of work. And people I knew as total bastards five days a week at school suddenly transformed into altar boys? Puh-leeze. But at least that last bit was fun. It's always cute when your classmates are mortally embarrassed in white dresses.

So that's it. The sum of my direct experience with Catholicism. I've known Catholics, of course. Read up on Church history. Seen the art. Heard about the scandals. I remember seeing Pope John Paul II on television, and liked him. He seemed decent enough, not batshit insane per se, remarkably down-to-earth for a dude in a funny hat and a robe. And at least he didn't wear bright red shoes. He wore brown ones.

Needless to say, I've not been keeping close tabs on the current Pope's visit. But it's been nibbling at the edges of my consciousness. Hard to avoid, especially when PZ Myers bends him over a knee for a sound spanking.

And I'm catching up on the week's Daily Show and Colbert Report, and there's quite a bit of bright white robe shining out from my television. So I started doing some digging.

Here's the first thing I came across:

"Official merchandiser of the 2008 U.S. Papal Visit."

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

And this man is going to come lecture us on materialism? This is rich.

The man who's said this:

VATICAN CITY - Pope Benedict XVI on Sunday criticized “materialistic” ways of celebrating Christmas, pressing the Vatican’s campaign against unbridled consumerism.

and this:

“People continue to die of hunger and thirst, disease and poverty, in this age of plenty and of unbridled consumerism.”

has an official merchandizer. And has a personal cobbler. And a fucking papal helicopter that he flies between the Vatican and his summer residence. Summer residence? Oh, yes, he's got a summer house, too, did I forget to mention that?

But this is the man who wants us to believe. He wants us to believe that "reason without faith leads to materialism and selfishness." Somehow, it's okay for him to preach to us about the evils of our culture and our belief - and most particularly the non-believers among us. He speaks of living a life in Christ. What was it he said to our Catholic leaders? Oh, yes:

"Indeed a clearer focus upon the imitation of Christ in holiness of life is exactly what is needed in order for us to move forward. We need to rediscover the joy of living a Christ-centred life, cultivating the virtues, and immersing ourselves in prayer. When the faithful know that their pastor is a man who prays and who dedicates his life to serving them, they respond with warmth and affection which nourishes and sustains the life of the whole community.”

And I'm sure that Christ would agree that expensive red shoes, clothes with plenty of gold embellishments, a helicopter, and a summer house are all vital accessories to a life in Him. What better way to preach peace, love and charity, to convincingly argue for a life in faith instead of materialism and consumerism, than to do it while imitating Christ's love for the trappings of power and glory?

Let's see what Jesus has to say:

Heh heh heh whoops.

“Democracy can only flourish, as your founding fathers realized, when political leaders and those whom they represent are guided by truth,” you said. Well, you'll forgive me if I take your meaning of "truth" with a huge block of salt, and turn to truth guided by evidence instead. I prefer my truth without hypocrisy, as did the man you claim to serve.

So Much for $15,000,000

Heartening news:

The first Box Office numbers are in. Expelled opened in 8th place with $1.2M in revenues in 1,052 theatres resulting in a $1,141 per theatre revenue. You do the math. At an average of 5 showings this makes $220 per showing or 30-40 people. Expelled ranks 4th in the list of “new releases”

While the weekend has just started the movie will have to do some hard work to match the expectations of the PR people:

“He said they would consider the opening weekend successful if the movie sold 2 million tickets (earning $12-15 million).”

Something tells me the weekend ain't long enough for them to make up the difference, there. So much for the death of evolution.

Epsilon Clue gives us a good rundown of where things stand. Considering Expelled has taken their argument out of the science arena and made it into a popularity contest, the news doesn't seem good. Honestly, folks, when Catwoman gets higher ratings, you know you're in trouble.

And with that, I'm done for now. I'm already sick of this movie. I'm already fed up with the lonely few fuckwits who've come out with empty guns a-blazing. I'm going to go prop my feet up, catch up on Daily Show and Colbert Report, and just ignore the ignorant for a while.

We'll let Rowan Atkinson have the last word:



Yes, Expelled.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

It's Poke the Media in the Eye Day here at the watering hole. I wish I didn't have such an abundance of material to work with, but alas, our national media churns out a never-ending flood of stupidity, inanity, and just plain bullshit. If they were my treadmill, I'd be dead of exhaustion by now.

Let us begin.

If I watched the news channels, this is the event that would have caused me to give myself a home lobotomy with an icepick:

This one is truly mind-numbing, and enough to suggest a few too many political observers might want to stop sniffing glue. Obama was giving a speech, and ironically enough, commenting on the need to move beyond trivial distractions. Apparently, during his remarks, he had an itch on his face. He scratched it. This, to hear some tell it, was Obama’s way of giving Clinton a one-finger salute.

[snip]

This was not simply limited to otherwise-bored bloggers. MSNBC and FoxNews.com also treated this as a news item of note. In fact, MSNBC asserted that Obama “made an unfortunate gesture.”

I wondered what it would be next. I was plumping for the sort of toast Obama orders in diners, but no, it's cheek scratching. With two fingers, mind. And not in the British two-fingered salute manner, either, I hasten to add.

Carpetbagger's right. They do need to stop sniffing glue. And using meth.

Oh, and that ABC debate? Yeah. That one. The one that blew leper donkey dick. You're gonna laugh when you hear what their premise was:

Wednesday night, ABC broadcast a debate between the Democratic presidential candidates from the National Constitution Center, which co-sponsored the debate. The venue inspired ABC to, as co-moderator Charlie Gibson explained, "begin each of the segments of this debate with short quotes from the Constitution that are apropos to what we're going to talk about."

[snip]

Surely a presidential debate held at the National Constitution Center and featuring "short quotes from the Constitution that are apropos to what we're going to talk about" would touch on some of these issues.

Unfortunately, ABC had other ideas. The Constitution served as little more than window dressing for a debate that has been widely derided. Early in the debate, Gibson referred to a clause in the Constitution that was repealed more than 200 years ago and that wouldn't apply to the situation he was discussing even if it were still in effect. Later, Gibson asked whether a District of Columbia law prohibiting the possession of certain types of guns is "consistent with an individual's right to bear arms."

That's as close as the ABC hosts came to delving into the candidates' views of the Constitution. There was, once again, no mention of the constitutional issues raised by the current administration's actions.

One gets the sense that Jamison Foser might have been a wee bit disappointed when writing this column. Gee. I have no idea why. Mainly because Mr. Icepick is lodged nicely in Mr. Frontal Lobe, and the whole world just looks brighter that way.

Oh. It's the light reflecting off the metal. Right.

Note to ABC: you might want to read the actual Constitution. The whole thing. Not just the bits quoted by right-wing gun nuts. And not just the random Articles you picked because that's apparently where your Starbucks cup leaked. Also, there's nothing in the Constitution about flag pin lapels being a necessary test of office. Just so you know. Oh, hey, whatever happened to that one story you broke a while ago, you know, the kinda important one, it was about, lemme see, oh, yes, Bush approving torture?

Gah. Moving on.

This is why I love dday:

OK, so I should mention the results of our protest yesterday at the ABC/Disney headquarters. It went really well. Note that I had this idea
sitting on my couch at 12:00pm Thursday, and by 4:00pm Friday we had 60 or 70 people out there in Burbank. Considering that in the current age there's almost an allergy to protesting, that's not bad (especially in gridlocked L.A.), and we were able to get the word out without making one phone call.

I'll give you the AP's impression:

About 50 people rallied at Disney Studios Friday to protest the questions that ABC News journalists asked the Democratic presidential candidates during a debate earlier this week.

Protestors waved signs that read "Restore the Fourth Estate" and "ABC is TMZ," referring to the online celebrity site.

Organizer Rick Jacobs criticized ABC for focusing on the past gaffes of Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton, instead of issues like the war in Iraq and the American economy.

Today, dday is my hero. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an icepick to remove from my brain.

The Media and Bushies: A Punk Interpretation

The American media have treated the Bush Administration with a phenominal lack of interest. It's gotten to the point where it seems they could reveal literally anything, no matter how outrageous, and the media would respond with a collective, "That's nice. So, did you hear that Obama asked for toast without butter? Omigod!!"

And then some punk songs started flitting through my head. And I realized: this is exactly what the last several years of political discourse in this country have been like.


Cheney:

I've got something to say
I killed your baby today

Media:

And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as it's dead

Cheney:

I've got something to say
I raped your mother today

Media:

And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as she spread

America:

Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
come sweet death
One last caress

Bush:

Well I've fucked a sheep
And I've fucked a goat
I've had my cock right down its throat

Media: So what, so what

Well who cares, who cares what you do

Explains everything, really.









*Goes without saying that these are my views. The bands don't necessarily concur. Or give a fuck.

God Outraged Over Expelled!!

Earthquake in Illinois heralds divine wrath over release of Intelligent Design propumentary!

WEST SALEM, Illinois (AP) - An earthquake struck the U.S. state of Illinois early Friday, and it appeared to rival the strongest temblor ever recorded in the country's Midwest region.

[snip]

The quake, measuring 5.4 on the Richter scale, hit just before 4:37 a.m. (1037 GMT) and was centered 6 miles (10 kilometers) from West Salem, Illinois.

The jolts were felt in a region that included parts of the states of Indiana, Kentucky, Illinois, Missouri and Arkansas, according to the U.S. Geological Survey.

Its Web site said earthquakes seldom occur in the area, and that the largest recorded earthquake in the region - also a magnitude 5.4 - caused damage in southern Illinois in 1968.

Coincidence? I think not! Not on the very morning Expelled hit theaters! No, it's God's way of saying, "Oh, my Me, what do these IDiots think they're doing? In My name? You are so smited!"


George at Decrepit Old Fool reports, "Well I’ll be damned. It cracked my basement wall... It’s an old cinder-block wall and wasn’t in great shape to begin with, so while it can support a large load it can’t handle compression waves. Gives me a preview of what will happen if a big quake ever occurs."


Yes: this is God's preview of what will happen if another atrocity like Expelled is ever allowed to hit theaters.


How does this atheist know it's divine wrath and not the natural result of normal seismic activity along the New Madrid Seismic zone? God spoke to me!

"Dana," He said, brushing aside the minor quibble over my not believing He exists, "look at the reviews and tell Me I'm supposed to be happy about this. A lousy star and a half from TV Guide? An F from E! A D from BeliefNet? And - this is really insulting here - AND an F from the Ayn Rand Institute! Ayn Rand! What an insult!

"So I sent a little earthquake. You know, just a hint that maybe I'm not really happy here. Don't look at Me like that - I didn't hurt anyone, just a few bricks, I'm a lot different from the old days, you had to be firmer back then or they'd worship golden calves on you at the drop of a hat. But just look at the timing here. I sent them the earthquake at four in the morning - plenty of time to call off this travesty. If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is. But did they listen? No! Do they ever listen? Of course not. Why do I bother? Forget them. They'll be facing a worse wrath than Mine soon anyway - they'll rue the day they crossed Yoko Ono. I'm for golf. Laters!"

Straight from God's mouth to your ears, my darlings!

So let the Expelled crew claim unilateral victory - as they will, since they're habitual liars. Let the DIsco dancers try to tapdance around Darwinism and try to declare it dead while it's dancing a lively jig with its evolutionary offspring. We have irreducible proof that God doesn't like them one little bit!

Expelled Expectorated!

It's been a busy day not seeing Expelled. I've spent the majority of it reading the flood of terrible reviews, the deluge of ridicule, and reflecting on the meaning of this meaningless film. I've also thought about what's likely to happen next.

I've a few predictions:

• Morbid fascination will keep the film in theaters longer than we expected, and help pay part of the enormous sum Yoko Ono will extract for use of 25 seconds of "Imagine." The rest of the settlement and attorney's fees will come from Mark Mathis's lecture tour on the rabid fundie circuit explaining how Yoko Ono persecutes ID advocates and leads to atheism. Meanwhile, XVIVO laughs all the way to the bank, and creates the animation for a wildly-popular anti-Expelled documentary entitled Expelled: When Fools Flunk.
• The next court case challenging ID's pathetic attempts to crawl its way into science classrooms will introduce Expelled into evidence. ID's final attempt to pass itself off as a non-religious alternative to evolution will meet a gruesome end when it runs full-tilt into the steel hawsers now tying God to ID. A gory decapitation will ensue. It will be years before another suitable euphemism is discovered and they can resurrect themselves for another attempt.
• In 2012, presidential candidates will no longer be asked, "Do you believe in evolution?" but "Did you fall for Expelled?" The gotcha question will turn from flag pins to questions about a candidate's fitness for office if he let a steaming pile of pig offal fool him.
• The extreme Christian right will do nothing but watch reruns of Expelled in church basements and whine about how persecuted they are. They will continue to confuse fact-based rebuttals to their bullshit with being thrown to lions.
• Scientists will release a flurry of popular science books, movies and websites that treat the American public as if they have a brain, and the American public may possibly remember that they possess one.

These are my predictions, founded on hope, grounded in weary cynicism. While there are a great many smart Americans, the country as a whole has seemed perfectly content with being bloody stupid for many years now, and I'm not sure how long it may take for that to change.

One thing I hope is that America's native sense of fairness, equality and lip-service to freedom doesn't rise up like Michael Behe to shoot us firmly in the foot. We need to remember that these people don't mean the same thing by fairness, values, morals, and rights that we do. We need to remember that while we are happy to give quarter, they are happy to give none.

I'm not sure how many of us are waiting for them to admit defeat, but I hope no one's holding their breath. They're already screaming "VICTORY!" Well, persecution, actually, but they're delighted by such things as Expelled Exposed and blog swarms and bad reviews. Proves they're persecuted, they say. They have no idea what persecution is. They think that criticism equals suppression. Their ideas are too weak to withstand the force of evidence, so they have to squeal about conspiracies. They think that the outcry we've raised is driven by something more nefarious than a genuine outrage at outright propaganda. They're dupes, but they can't admit that. They can't possibly be wrong. So if we counter their lies with truth, they're being oppressed. If we force ID to play by the rules of science in the science classroom, they're persecuted. If we stay silent, they've won. If we give them a hint of respect, they'll declaim victory.

We can't win. Not against them. But that doesn't mean we stop fighting for truth, justice and what was the American way before the lunatics took over the asylum.

We have to be loud. We have to hit back hard with every fact at our disposal. We're not doing it to change their minds and win their hearts - we can't. But there is a huge swath right there in the middle that still values truth. There's a great number of people who understand that being Christian means being honest. Christ himself said it: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. Some still believe that. They aren't afraid of truth, and they have no reason to be. What they should be afraid of is lying sacks of shit who wrap themselves in a warped version of God and pretend to be righteous. What they should be afraid of is lies drowning the truth, and kicking this country right back into the Dark Ages.

Mathis and his ilk do Christians no favors. And most Christians will be smart enough to see that, especially if they're aware of just how extreme Expelled's dishonesty is. If movie reviews are anything to go by, plenty of Christians already are.

That gives me almost as much hope as the wrath of Yoko.


If you're not through expectorating Expelled, have some links:

Blake Stacey at Science After Sunclipse has posted a tour-de-force: Creation, Power and Violence. If you read nothing else today, read that. Should your horror and outrage grow too great, skip down to the link to fluffy kittens in the comments.

The Lippard Blog has news on Expelled's weekend box office.

The Panda's Thumb has an avalanche of truly awful reviews. There's also a contest!

Abbie put up a link to a pirated video of the Expelled animation that should lead to much courtroom goodness.

The Digital Cuttlefish has a few truly awesome poems up. What did I tell you about Expelled being good for the arts, eh?

Expelled Exposed grows all the time.

Bay of Fundie has an educational illustration of what will shortly happen to Expelled.

Thoughts in a Haystack has a quartet of extremely entertaining posts.

Laelaps exposes Expelled's true purpose: to get folks to stop thinking. That is, of course, the only way their ideas can possibly be accepted.

And, finally, Monty Python's classic treatise on rights, oppression, and babies in boxes:

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Someday, somewhere, we'll dig up an obscure government agency somewhere, tucked back far out of sight of the Bush Administration, where one lone competent appointee huddles, furtively doing a good job and praying s/he evades notice. Bush tries to be consistent in his appointments, you see, and competence would buck the trend:

Bush’s Department of Housing and Urban Development has been almost comically corrupt and incompetent for years, but with Alphonso Jackson resigning in disgrace, the president has an opportunity to at least marginally salvage HUD’s reputation with a qualified nominee who can use the next eight months to get the agency back on track. It’s a tall order, given the ongoing housing crisis.

Bush, however, has decided to go in a more predictable direction. He’s replacing one loyal Bushie of dubious qualifications with another.

Wow. I am so shocked. Gee. What a fucking surprise.

Adding to the annals of assclownery, the EPA chief is apparently taking lessons from Mark Mathis:

EPA chief Stephen Johnson has deployed a variety of methods to thwart Congressional scrutiny. There's been old fashioned stonewalling. Testimonial gobbledygook. And of course fleeing the hemisphere.

But there's another recurring method: refusing to turn over internal EPA documents because they would "confuse" the public.

Yes. Just like interviewing Christian evolutionary biologists "would have confused the film unnecessarily."

Listen up, public: when buttmonkeys like this say something will "confuse" you, they mean, "it'll make you realize we're totally full of shit. We're lying to you. You know what? Your eyes would look fabulous with some wool over them!"

Speaking of lying buttmonkeys, here's McCain, proving he's not only a dirty rotten liar, but batshit insane as well:

Despite the country’s sour mood on the economy, McCain said last night that Americans perhaps feel they are better off than they were when Bush took office because “millions of jobs have been created” since then. So therefore, McCain said, “You could make an argument that there’s been great progress economically over that period of time” and that “the fundamentals of America’s economy are strong.”

Does anybody else hear an echo? I think... it sounds sort of like... yes, just like fucking Bush and his "The state of our Union is strong" bullshit. McSame, indeed. McClueless, even so.

After this, my dear friends, we need some humor. Something... witty, incisive... stabs the media in the eye with a dull fork... we need a "what if the media had been this dumb when Lincoln and Douglas held their great debates" piece... we need... PUBLIUS!

LINCOLN: In my opinion, slavery will not cease, until a crisis shall have been reached and passed. "A house divided against itself cannot stand." I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Excuse me, did an Elijah H. Johnson attend your church?

LINCOLN: When I was a boy in Illinois forty years ago, yes. I think he was a deacon.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Are you aware that he regularly called Kentucky “a land of swine and whores”?

LINCOLN: Sounds right -- his ex-wife was from Kentucky.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Why did you remain in the church after hearing those statements?

LINCOLN: I was eight.

I feel better. Don't you?

Expelled: a Boon to Humanity

Nonono, my darlings, there's no need to worry: I haven't seen the film and been converted. That's about as likely as me developing a deep and abiding love for my uterus. Considering I'd be first in line for a home hysterectomy kit, you can suss out the odds. They're roughly the same as a meteor landing in Times Square and dancing The Masochism Tango.

Not even going to see the film unless Mark Mathis brings me a free copy. That's right, Mathis: you want to convert my ass, you do it on your own dime, you slimy shit. You can send Mr. Dumbski down with the video - he's the boil on the butt of my city, so he wouldn't have a long drive. Let's see how your film stands up to a scientifically literate layperson, eh?

I think we all know how that's going to go.

But Expelled isn't unmitigated evil. It's an opportunity. And it's been a boon to many sectors of society.

Movie reviewers have gotten their first real challenge in years: how do you review a film that won't let potential critics screen it? Reading through the list of reviews on Expelled Exposed, I get the sense this is the first real fun they've had in years. No other movie has forced them to become spies. Not many movies present so many opportunities for mockery. Aside from actually having to suffer through the film, they seem to be enjoying themselves immensely.

Expelled has also led to a Cambrian Explosion of art. Let's just have a quick survey, shall we?

In drawing and photoshop, we have the classic "IDiot..." from Decrepit Old Fool. We have the excellent Yoko Ono as Kali, Stomping on Ben Stein from Secher Nbiw. Quidam's What? It's Not a Copy, Ours is brown! Midwifetoad's No Intelligents Allowed. And so much more!

In video, a plentitude of mockumentaries have sprung into being. RichardDawkins.net airs Sexpelled: No Intercourse Allowed. You can find FSM Expelled on YouTube.

Comics: Ben Stein's Career Goes Down the Toilet. Win Ben Stein's Intelligence.

Song: Bensteinian Rhapsody.

So. Much. More. This has been a mere smattering of the bounty, my darlings. A taste only.

And it doesn't end there.

Expelled's benefits to science could prove incalculable. The movie has tied Intelligent Design to religion with steel hawsers. Try denying it's all about God now. It's exposed the fact that ID is scientifically empty to a far wider audience than the Dover trial and any number of evolution sites have. It's proven that ID has to fall back on lies, fallicies, theft, politics and pleas to the churches to get into science class, because it can't get there on its own merits.

Many people who wouldn't have given two shits about evolution will now likely be curious just because of all the fuss. And there's an abundance of evolution sites to satisfy their curiosity. I'm sure an explosion of books, movies and lectures will follow. There's a hook, now: in exposing the antics of the Expelled crew and the Discovery Institute, there's a wonderful opportunity to slip real science in with the gory details. They wanted us to "teach the controversy?" Great! By all means, let us teach the controversy. It's amazing how much science you can learn when you're discovering why everything those assclowns say about evolution is wrong. Keeps it interesting, too.

We're not going to reach everyone. Plenty of folks will be happy to pretend that Expelled is purely the truth, because it feeds their persecution complex and their deep-rooted need to be lied to. But there are far more who will be pushed right over to our side because they've now seen the clothes stripped from the ID emperor. There's no pretending it's science now. They're not going to fall for fallacious arguments about Darwin = Hitler, Darwin = atheism, Darwin = evil. And they're going to understand now just what it is that's trying to sneak into their kids' science classrooms, and I doubt they'll like it one little bit.

This run-up to Expelled's release has helped us hone our responses. We're prepared. We have all the resources, wit and wisdom we'll ever need to help folks understand the difference between science and pseudoscience. So when they come stumbling out of Expelled feeling bludgeoned by the rampant stupidity, we'll be ready.

They've heard the lies. Now they'll be ready for the truth.

And we'll have Expelled to thank. How fucked up is that?


Update: Blue Collar Scientist has a fantastic compendium of reviews.

Expelled Exposes Itself

Ah, yes, my darlings. Today's the day we've all been waiting for: Waterloo. Expelled hits theaters today like a tsunami of bullshit.

Evolutionists are supposed to hide under the bed. Evolutionary biology will end. Etc.

Uh-huh. We're all shaking and stuff.

There was a calm before the storm: aside from a flurry of negative reviews, the only news of note comes via ERV. Much to no one's surprise, Expelled lied to the Killers, too:

Here is what the head administrator over at the official Killers message board just posted:

"I just spoke to the band's manager, and adding to the confusion was the fact that they did authorize a project months ago with this request:

Quote:'The film is a satirical documentary with an estimated running time of 1 hour and 50 minutes, exploring academic freedom in public schools and government institutions with actor, comedian, economist, Ben Stein as the spokesperson.

'What they authorized was a documentary about 'academic freedom in schools', not the film that the producers produced.

They contacted the producers of the film to ask that the song be removed but it is too late. Unfortunately it was misrepresented to them when the request came through to use it. Add this band to a long line of people who were misled by the producers of this film."

She later added:

"The band asked the producers to remove their song from the film when they became aware of the true nature of it. They were told it is too late. That's all there is."

As Doc Halliday might have said, their hypocrisy knows no bounds.

I'm sure as fuck not wasting my time or money on this poorly-made propaganda piece propped up by plagarism. I'd have my choice of theaters, mind: it's on several local screens, but definitely not on reviewers' radar. The Seattle P.I. doesn't even have a review. The Seattle Times does, and tain't pretty:

A hard-core, fundamentalist bit of right-wing propaganda, "Expelled" slyly appropriates its style from liberal and left-wing sources, sending Ben Stein out to do deadpan interviews with a grab-bag of people, while intercutting old movies, new animation and newsreel footage.

Succinct. Manages to capture both the truth of what the movie actually is - i.e., fundamentalist right-wing propaganda - and gets across the fact that the fuckers have to sneak, deceive and steal from others because they don't have the intellectual power to come up with original work. Nice.

The Stranger is even more cruel:

Yes! I love that the Discovery Institute’s precious little pseudoscience has to be peddled directly to pastors, rather than being debated in the open air, as ID proponents constantly insist they’d prefer. When you market a supposedly secular, scientific movie to religious people—purposefully excluding anyone from the independent press—it’s pretty clear that you’re trying to dupe the poor rubes. It’s also sweet that the reviews that the Discovery Institute has been trumpeting so far on their blogs are from places like Christianity Today (you came into the film "very, very skeptical,” did you , Mr. McCracken? I’ll show you skeptical).

After that, no one should be suprised that The Nanny made their list of recommended films, while Expelled did not.

Seattle Weekly didn't pull any punches, either:

[Stein's] thesis: Teaching Darwinian evolution but ignoring intelligent design in America’s public schools and universities is the biggest threat to American freedom today—bigger, presumably, than Al Qaeda, Iraq, and the recession combined. A series of interviews with ID true believers has him playing Michael Moore–dumb—no hard questions for the folks at the Discovery Center, whose infamous leaked 1993 “wedge memo” stated as one of its primary goals the propagation of the idea “that nature and human beings are created by God.” ID’ers protest that they’re simply interested in secular alternatives to Darwinian evolution; their scientific opponents, meanwhile, are potential Communists and Nazis (Stein visits Dachau for an insulting “It happened here” moment). Using the powers of low-grade montage to compare the divide between
evolutionary scientists and ID’s proponents to the Berlin Wall, Stein becomes, with his doc’s insistence that we tear down that wall, Ronald Reagan. Bizarre and hysterical. (Vadim Rizov)

Somehow, I get the sense he didn't mean "hysterical" as in "intentionally humorous."

I want you to take note of something: there's no positive review anywhere in Seattle's main newspapers. Not sure about the minor ones, or the religious ones, but the papers with the broad audiences are sure as shit pretty fucking far from impressed.

I don't know what it is, but I'm just not anticipating a wave of conversions. I feel no need to prepare for a rash of "I believed in evolution, but Expelled showed me how wrong I was!" I am, however, ready with the consoling pat, because I'm sure I'm going to hear plenty of "I want my ten dollars and ninety minutes back!"

We tried to warn them.

Wendi Aarons Excoriates Menstruation and Dumbfuck Ad Campaigns

First, a show of hands: how many of you here have had kidney stones? Thank you. Remember how painful it was? Remember the sensation of every single cell in your kidney trying to implode and explode at the same time? Remember dragging yourself into the ER, begging for Demerol, morphine, a gun to the head, anything to stop the pain? Oh, and a bucket too, please, because all of that pain had you bringing up everything you'd ever eaten, along with any meals your ancestors may have had going back to the dawn of humanity.

One of my clearest memories is lying in a hospital bed in a Demerol haze with the kindly male doctor telling me that the women who have endured both kidney stones and childbirth have told him the stones hurt worse than labor. And I started laughing my ass off. Labor, I announced, must be a piece of fucking cake, then, because as spectacular as the pain from the stones was, they weren't quite as bad as my menstrual cramps.

I used to miss two or three days of school per month. It is very hard to study while vomiting from intense pain. My class counselor was unfortunately male, and never could understand how bad it could get. My friend Patrick, dear friend to women everywhere, suggested I explain it to him with the following demonstration: I should take him into the gym, lay him spread-eagled on the hardwood floor with its concrete base, and hit him in the balls with a sledgehammer. Repeatedly. For 72 hours.

(I can see you men in the audience wincing. Good. Now you know.)

Aunty Flow has been the bane of my existence for decades. Things have gotten minutely better over the years - I now only have to endure kidney-stone level pain for several hours - but the emotional fallout has gotten much worse. If the world is ending, if I'm never going to be capable of happiness ever again and everything that happens reduces me to helpless tears or ungovernable rage, I don't even have to look at the calendar. I know what time of the month it is.

So you can imagine how I felt when Always maxi pads started their "Have a Happy Period" campaign. If I'd had the responsible person in the room with me when I first saw one of those Polly-fucking-anna commercials, I would have strangled him with my bare hands while slamming his head into my TV. To add insult to injury, the fuckers printed that slogan right on the pads. There's nothing like having a burst of homicidal rage every time you open a feminine hygeine product.

All of this is by way of introducing Wendi Aarons, who wrote an open letter to the stupid fuckers responsible for this outrage. She says everything I ever wanted to say. I reproduce her letter in its entirety here, and absolutely encourage you to visit her blog - the rapier wit she displays here is not an isolated occurrence brought on by menstrual rage syndrome. Not much can make me laugh on the first day of Flow's visit, but she did. For that, and for the following, I thank her profusely.

An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Did any of you watch the Democratic debate on ABC last night? I didn't, but I hear anyone who did could really use a drink right now:

Over the last year or so, we’ve seen debates that were pretty bad. We’ve seen a few that were embarrassingly bad. But at least in this cycle, I’m not sure if we’ve seen anything quite as train-wreck, cover-your-eyes bad as the spectacle on ABC last night.

What may prove to be the last Democratic debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama wasn’t just awful on its face, it was hard not to watch wondering if moderators Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos were actually undermining the public discourse with their inanity. It marked a new low for the media freak-show. I was conflicted emotionally between anger at ABC for this travesty and pity for the network for having sunk so low.

Steve Benen from The Carpetbaggerreport, my darlings: suffering so you don't have to. Give the poor man a drink. In fact, give him two:

The administration’s own counter-terrorism policy and the mission of the National Counter-Terrorism Center mandate that officials have a “comprehensive strategy for meeting U.S. national-security goals” in the Federally Administered Tribal Areas of Pakistan. The GAO, however, found that no such strategy currently exists.

[snip]

The same report added: “al Qaeda is now using the Pakistani safe haven to put the last element necessary to launch another attack against America into place, including the identification, training, and positioning of Western operatives for an attack. It stated that al Qaeda is most likely using the FATA to plot terrorist attacks against political, economic, and infrastructure targets in America ‘designed to produce mass casualties, visually dramatic destruction, significant economic aftershocks, and/or fear among the population.’”

And the Bush administration doesn’t have a plan to address this.

Make mine a double. No. A triple. It would be nice to forget for a moment that my country's safety and security is in the hands of a gang of batshit insane lying fuckwits.

President Bush: helping the terrorists win since 2000. Fucking assclown.

Right. We need some better news round here. 'Tis almost Friday. Let's forget that our political press is more flaccid than a 96-year old penis with a Viagra allergy. Let's forget that while Bush & Co. play world-conquering heroes by throwing bodies and money at Iraq, al Qaeda is in Pakistan debating whether to take the C-4 with them on this trip to America. Let's by all means try to forget that while our economy, safety, and national character all go swirling down the toilet, the media continues to bring McSame donuts and spit-shine his loafers with their adoring drool.

And if we can't forget, let's at least reach for an explanation:



Hypnotized. It all makes sense to me now...

Expelled for Plagarism!

Expelled and the Bush Administration have something very much in common: they're evil, lying fuckwits who like to pretend they haven't broken the law. And they can't stop. They can't stop lying, cheating, stealing, or whining.

Premise Media, the incredible gang of assclowns behind Expelled, is going to need more lawyers soon. I think Alberto Gonzales should apply. He'd be a perfect match.

So, you knew it was coming. It's not even news: Expelled has ripped off still more people. The entire fucking movie is nothing but plagarism.

Today, it's revealed that they filched from John Lennon:

Having ruffled feathers in the scientific community, the filmmakers behind a documentary questioning evolution theory have now incurred the wrath of one of the most powerful figures in the popular music business, Yoko Ono, and have generated a blogosphere mini-drama in the process.

The flap concerns the film's use of the song "Imagine," by the late John Lennon. Bloggers had accused Ms. Ono, Mr. Lennon's wife, of selling out by licensing the song to the filmmakers. In fact, her lawyers say, she never granted permission for its use.

Well, we knew they were dumbshits, but pissing off Yoko? They're suicidal as well, apparently.

But wait, there's more! They may also have stolen from the Killers. I know, I know, it's shocking.

In other Expelled legal news, ERV got her hands on a copy of Premise Media's SLAPP lawsuit against XVIVO. Her assessment?

It is quite possibly the dumbest thing I have ever read in my entire life. And I have read the Bible and Atlas Shrugged.

Yepper.

I can hardly wait to see how many thousands of people stumble out of the theaters tomorrow shouting, "Hey! They stole my work!" I don't think there are enough SLAPP lawsuits in the universe to help these asshats now.

At least we can see with blinding clarity exactly why it is they got Expelled. Flagrant, prolific plagarism is still frowned upon in academic circles.

With the Watchdogs Silent, Vigilantes Must Act

Day 7, and the media is still too obsessed with personality politics to notice that President Bush wholeheartedly approves of torture. At this point, our Assclown in Chief could admit to stir-frying babies, and the media would stick a three-line item on page B-18. They simply don't care.

I don't know how they got the idea that Americans only want stories about gaffes, bullshit, woo, and general fluff. It's time to disabuse them of that notion.

Firedoglake has put together a nifty little tool for writing easy letters to the editor of a bajillion papers. I've done my part:

Bush Approves Torture, Media Obsesses Over Orange Juice

Dear Editor,

Where are our watchdogs of democracy?

President Bush knew of meetings held at the highest level of his administration to discuss and approve specific torture
techniques. He approved of those meetings.

The American President approved of torture. ABC broke the story on April 10th. And yet, Dan Fromkin of the Washington Post notes, "There was no mention of Bush's admission in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal or the Los Angeles Times. There was nothing on the major wire services. And nothing on CNN, CBS or NBC."

Barak Obama's choice of morning beverage was far more important to our media than our president approving torture.

When President Nixon authorized a burglary, the media kept the story going until he was impeached. President Bush's authorization of torture would seem a far worse offense, but the media has ignored it.

Democracy's watchdogs barked at Watergate. Why are they silent now?

I know a fair number of you are writers. Go forth and write.

The King is Dead. Long Live the Queen.

The King.

The Queen.

Sucks to be my stepmother right now.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Bad news for people on death row:

* Huge day at the Supreme Court: “U.S. executions are all but sure to resume soon after a nationwide halt, cleared Wednesday by a splintered Supreme Court that approved the most widely used method of lethal injection. Virginia immediately lifted its moratorium; Oklahoma
and Mississippi said they would seek execution dates for convicted murderers, and other states were ready to follow after nearly seven months without an execution in the United States. Voting 7-2, the conservative court led by Chief Justice John Roberts rebuffed the latest assault on capital punishment, this time by foes focusing on methods rather than on the legality of the death penalty itself. Justice John Paul Stevens voted with the majority on the
question of lethal injections but said for the first time that he now believes the death penalty is unconstitutional.”

Personal note: I used to be a death penalty advocate, but after soul-searching, research and listening to a variety of opinions, I've come down on the side of life without parole. There are too many innocent people who get executed. We also know that the death penalty doesn't work as a general deterrent, although, as former FBI profiler John Douglas has said, it's definitely a specific deterrent. It's not that I have any sympathy for the fuckers who ended up there by raping and killing, mind, but a civilized society has a few more options besides "eye for an eye" justice.

In other news, Glenn Greenwald has an excellent post highlighting the media's fucked-up double standards, and explaining why it's not hypocrisy to denounce the Right's use of personality politics while engaging in some of our own:

The Right has mastered the art of transforming their leaders into heroic icons while demolishing the character of virtually every liberal and Democratic leader. Those are the themes that, far and away, dominate the establishment media's political coverage. There has been no more conclusive proof for that proposition than the news cycles of the last several weeks.

[snip]

Given that dynamic, Democrats have two choices and only two choices: (1) allow the Right to wield these themes unchallenged, in a one-sided manner, or (2) engage them just as aggressively and directly in order to neutralize the advantage they confer. The point is that having our elections decided primarily on substantive issues isn't an option, precisely because the Right and the shallow, slothful media ensure that petty personality controversies predominate. The only choice is to engage them or to ignore them, thereby allowing them to rage unchallenged.

When the Right inserts personality-based trash into our political discourse -- and when they build up their leaders based on mythological themes of heroic, morally upstanding character imagery -- it isn't an "ad hominem" attack to highlight the deceit that lies at the heart of those
claims, to document the actual character of those individuals. It's a necessary response for debunking the manipulative, substance-free character themes that are outcome-determinative in our elections, for neutralizing the twisted attacks that predominate.

[snip]

Decrying that principle while simultaneously subjecting the Right to it is not "hypocritical" or "contradictory" but, instead, is a means -- the only means -- for undermining it.

Excellent point. And I'd just like to extend that to debunking Expelled: the Farce. I've heard more than enough talk about framing, being above the fray, respond to sheer fuckwittery not with ridicule but with cold, hard science, etc. What Glenn speaks is the truth: sometimes, the only way to neutralize a particular method of attack is to engage in it gleefully. Put it like this: did your sibling respond better to "Please stop poking me in the eye," or "See how you like it! HA!" *POKE* "Not very nice, is it?"

Simple, yet effective, and it's about all these assclowns are capable of comprehending.

And finally, a vital question: Is your right-wing blogger stupid or evil? Village Voice has the answer:

Sick of political blogs? Too bad! The 2008 campaign is unavoidable; if you know what superdelegates are, or who said “God damn America,” you’re already a victim. Thanks to the curse of modern technology, you’ll be hearing what top Internet buffoons are saying about the candidates—whether you want to or not. So you may as well prepare yourself. Herewith, a rundown of 10 conservative Web scribblers who, by virtue of their high readership or annoyance factor, are likely to invade your casual conversations until the gruesome finale of our Celebration of Democracy drives us all back to our blessed, customary ignorance.

Quite amusing. It should help ease the pain until November. Ye gods, how I can't wait for "blessed, customary ignorance."

Subterranean Homesick Blues

I stopped by Stranger Fruit tonight and got slammed between the eyes with terminal homesickness:

Astronomy Picture of the Day - A Protected Night Sky Over Flagstaff

I lived there most of my life. These peaks were framed in my back door at home. My mother and I used to lay on lawn chairs, snuggled down in sleeping bags, on those glorious clear nights, watching stars fall. My neighbor was an astronomer with a 10" telescope in his back yard. In 1986, we neighborhood kids used to troop over to his place to go gawk at Halley's Comet. My love of science was born there. Those peaks were the center of my universe for over 20 years.



They still are.



The photograph below, Turbulent Skies Over the San Francisco Peaks, was taken by a cherished friend of mine, Michael Smith-Sardior. It's sitting right above me as I type.

Times like this, I'm reminded I'm a stranger in a strange land. Seattle and I, we love each other, but we don't have history. I ooo and aaah at the beauty up here. Love having the ocean so close, love the Cascades and Rainier and all that, but it's not my roots. It's not the seat of my soul. Flagstaff is. I spent the best years of my life there. Most of the best friends I've ever had, that's where they hail from. I found my place and my purpose right there in the shadow of those peaks, under those spectacular skies, where the universe seems to go on forever. That's powerful stuff.

You don't have to be holy to feel that sort of awe and wonder. Just human. And I'm damned grateful that folks like Dan & Cindi Duriscoe and Michael Smith-Sardior have captured the immensity of it.

Almost makes me feel I'm home.

No More

The Washington Monthly has a message for the Bush regime: we're done here.

In most issues of the Washington Monthly, we favor articles that we hope will launch a debate. In this issue we seek to end one. The unifying message of the articles that follow is, simply, Stop. In the wake of September 11, the United States became a nation that practiced torture. Astonishingly—despite the repudiation of torture by experts and the revelations of Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib—we remain one. As we go to press, President George W. Bush stands poised to veto a measure that would end all use of torture by the United States. His move, we suspect, will provoke only limited outcry. What once was shocking is now ordinary.

Well, guess what? It is. Bush admits that he approved torture, and the media can't be bothered. Congress passes a bill that would ban torture, he vetoes it, the country has a heart attack from not surprised.

(CBS/AP) President George W. Bush said Saturday he vetoed legislation that would ban the CIA from using harsh interrogation methods such as waterboarding to break suspected terrorists because it would end practices that have prevented attacks. "The bill Congress sent me would take away one of the most valuable tools in the war on terror," the president said in his weekly radio address taped for broadcast Saturday. "So today I vetoed it."

Is anyone else taken aback by this? "One of the most valuable tools?" Since the fuck when has torture been a "valuable tool"? Ten fucking seconds on Wikipedia kills that notion:

One well documented effect of torture is that with rare exceptions people will say or do anything to escape the situation, including untrue "confessions" and implication of others without genuine knowledge, who
may well then be tortured in turn.

Insult to injury, listen to the way he announces his veto. Like it's the most ordinary thing in the world to do. Like any idiot would have done the same. You can hear the "Well, duh" lurking behind the words.

We're all pretty focused on Expelled: the Dumbfuckery right now. But it's worth saving some outrage over this. Our country tortures people. Our president supports torture 110%. And this has become so expected that we just shrug and wait for November.

We can't wait. We can't just shrug this off. We have work to do:

One thing we can do is try and get ABC to ask some sort of question on this in this week's Democratic debate. They BROKE the story, after all, so they have a little connection to it. You can contact them here and demand that they follow up their reporting on torture by pushing it into the Presidential race. Contacting World News Tonight with moderator
Charlie Gibson and ABC News Programming Specials would probably be the most helpful.

It stops.

Mr. Forehead, Meet Mr. Wall. Wall, Forehead.

There comes a time in every debunker's life when you look over the panorama of breathtaking dumbfuckery and find yourself breathless. All you can do is search for the nearest brick wall and beat your head against it in the hopes the pain will go away.

My darlings, tonight I have reached that point. I have ceased to ask: can the Expelled crew possibly do anything more terminally stupid than they already have? The answer's always "Yes."

Via Pharyngula comes the news the asshats have gone on the offensive:

Expelled is suing XVIVO! Oh, and take note of the
bizarre complaint that I've put in bold in the middle of this freaky press
release:

Premise Media is ready to challenge the unfounded copyright infringement claims asserted recently by representatives of XVIVO, LLC concerning original animation Premise Media created for the documentary, EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed.

On April 14, 2008, Premise Media filed a lawsuit in the United States District Court for the Northern District of Texas seeking declaratory judgment that there is no copyright or other infringement. Premise Media also seeks its attorneys' fees in responding to the XVIVO claims.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?

This is what their top-notch intellectual property lawyer has come up with? They think this isn't going to explode all over them? I can't wait to see these fuckers in court, because they're going to get their asses handed to them in a baggie.

And they'll also have to explain this:

After denying, then admitting, then denying (OH! Mega-TARD took that last post down! No harbles for him, eh?) stealing the hard work of a small animation company and a couple of hard working scientists, turns out the Discovery Institute Fellows stole from PBS too. The organization they found just sooooooooo offensive after 'Judgment Day' and Evolution'. The organization that teaches little kids how to count and the alphabet and how to read and how being different is okay...

The Discovery Institute stole from Mr. Fucking Rogers.

Abby at ERV rips them a gaping new one, and if you haven't read her takedown, go do so.

I just have one thing to say to these fuckwits: if the scientific community and its advocates were truly into persecution, we'd have fitted you all for the iron maiden long ago. You'd better be damned fucking glad we're not Bible literalists ourselves, because I seem to remember that the punishment for theft was lopping off a hand. Chop! Slash! Literal interpretations of the Bible suddenly don't look so great, do they, now?

But there is good news. Even Tristero from Digby's Hullaballoo taken up the cudgel:

A new piece of propaganda called Expelled is about to be inflicted on an America that needs more lies the way a dog needs a huge helping of chocolate - if we enthusiastically consume it, it will make us sick and is possibly fatal.

Too fucking right. And the fact that Tristero took time out of slamming the Bush regime bloody over the torture debacle to debunk this piece of shit says something about how rancid it truly is.

I'm just going to let Tool speak for me. Intolerance is right. I can't fucking tolerate these assclowns anymore.

The gent who put this video together was also kind enough to beat up on my other bete noir, which is a kindly bonus:

One Superstition I Can't Shake

I'm generally a rational thinker - a silly trait in a fantasy author, admittedly. But I've got this hate-hate relationship with the number 7. And here we are, on Post #77. So I figured I'd make fun of myself while posting fluff.

Superstitions are funny beasts. I know they pop up because of coincidence and hyper-attention: X happens a few times when Y number comes up, we start noticing X more when Y correlates (while ignoring X when N or Z are in play), and the next thing you know, superstition abounds.

It's not just numbers. It can be boots, too. My dad didn't take his boots off for months in Vietnam because every time he did, they came under mortar fire. He didn't mention how many times they came under fire when he had his boots on - I imagine it was plenty of times. But it didn't register, because it didn't fit the superstition.

A friend of mine nearly got burned at the stake by a clerk at a Christian college commissary because his junk food purchase totalled $6.66. He was too amused by it to buy a pack of gum, but we've all had plenty experiences of folks who won't let that total stand. They'll reach for the nearest small item like they're forever marked by Satan if their total doesn't change instantly.

I had a customer recently who called to change her phone number because we'd given her unlucky digits. She paid $36 for her superstition.

I haven't gone so far as to buy an extra item or pay to have a number changed, but I've been known to avoid leaving comments on blogs if I'll be the 7th commenter. And I won't listen to a particular song by Xandria because the constant mention of my least favorite number gets on my nerves. Pathetic, but true.

The funny thing is, 21 and I get along just fine. Go figure.

Since I don't have anything particularly insightful to add, I'll just leave you with the appropriate awful hair band song:

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

To no one's surprise, Bush has achieved a new record: longest losing streak:

At 39 months in the doghouse, George W. Bush has surpassed Harry Truman's record as the postwar president to linger longest without majority public approval.

Bush hasn't received majority approval for his work in office in ABC News/Washington Post polls since Jan. 16, 2005 — three years and three months ago. The previous record was Truman's during his last 38 months in office.

He's a loser. The majority of the country knows he's a loser. And a lying fuckwit who approves torture, dumps America's reputation in the toilet, and shits on it for good measure. Tell me again why this bastard hasn't been impeached.

In other loser news, McCain responds to a petition from 30,000 veterans asking him to support updating the GI Bill by saying no:

Just a few days ago, appearing on ABC’s “The View,” John McCain talked about the importance of increasing the size of the U.S. military. To entice more volunteers, he said, the government should focus on incentives: “[O]ne of the things we ought to do is provide [the troops with] significant educational benefits in return for serving.”

Naturally, then, McCain indicated a few days later that he’ll withhold support for a bipartisan
measure to renew and expand the GI Bill for a new generation of veterans.

So, let me get this straight: McCain says we "ought to" provide educational benefits to our troops, but he ain't gonna. Does this make sense? It does to him:

Bush administration officials, and apparently McCain, “worry that a more generous and expansive GI Bill would create an incentive for troops to get out of the military and go to college.”

Bush and McCain: Keeping our troops stoopid since 2000. Nice to know they're fully supporting our valiant men and women in uniform there.

And, finally, by way of Digby, something constructive we can do about our "Torture President:"

I would like to reiterate D-Day's call to send emails to ABC today to ask Charlie Gibson to follow up on ABC's scoop revealing that the highest levels of the executive branch held meetings in the white house to discuss in great detail and unanimously approve of torture techniques. ABC should be proud of their story and asking the Democratic candidates about it in such a big public forum would do a lot to get the story out.

You can contact them here and demand that they follow up their reporting on torture by pushing it into the Presidential race. Contacting World News Tonight with moderator Charlie Gibson and ABC News Programming Specials would probably be the most helpful.

Digby has other good suggestions to go with that. Let's go make noise, my darlings.

Expelled Exposed! It's Aaaalllliiiiivvvveeeee!

A banner day, my darlings: the National Center for Science Education's Expelled Exposed is fully operational and ready for battle. Expelled is going to get the crap knocked out of it. Well, what's left of it, at any rate:

Welcome to Expelled Exposed, a detailed look at the Ben Stein movie Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. We'll show you why this movie is
not a documentary at all, but anti-science propaganda aimed at creating the appearance of controversy where there is none.

To learn why the claims made in Expelled are false, find out The Truth behind the Fiction. For information on the producers and their actions, go Behind the Scenes. To learn more about evolution and intelligent design, or to see what other people thought of Expelled, view our links to other online Resources.

Ah, yummy goodness. I know what I'm doing tomorrow night.

To celebrate the site's launch, I'm serving up a delicious banquet of Expelled-taunting tidbits. But first, an imperative from PZ Myers:

We need to get the NCSE's counter-site to the hideous little propaganda film, Expelled, to rank higher in the search engines. The way to do this is for lots and lots of you to link to the Expelled Exposed site with the word Expelled. It's not hard: just copy this code into a blog post.

Expelled

He's got red banners both top and bottom that repeat OBEY, so I think he's serious. You know what to do, troops.

Next course: file this under "Doh! Why didn't I think of this?" The Factician at Conspiracy Factory quotes Carl Sagan, and gives me a brilliant idea that has, alas, come far too late to take action on. It would have been all too much fun to prostelytize right outside the one (1) theater in the Seattle area that's showing Expelled. How much fun would it have been to stand outside with a Candle o' Science, handing out copies of Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark, and spreading the Good News of Science? A damn lot of fun. Too bad it's too late to place a bulk order.

The Factician has really outdone himself this month: he's also got this hysterically funny analysis of William Dumbski's past predictions:

Expelled, the Musical is about to hit theaters! In theaters across the country! Well, in a few theaters. This has inspired creationist mathematician and philosopher William Dembski to fire up his prognostication machine!

And we all know how infallible that is. If you don't, well, there's a link up there for ye.

Great minds, I'm telling you. I'm talking Expelled: the Musical, so is he. Muy bueno.

Abby over at ERV's our next confection. She absolutely murders the idea that the Expelled crew's animation of an actin network is an original. Not ripped off from XVIVO at all. Nossir. And if you're inclined to believe that, you either need to send me money, or you need to take a look at the sequence of photos at ERV that expel that notion thoroughly.

And, my darlings, the feast isn't over yet. Via Expelled Exposed, we have a sinfully good New Scientist article about the debacle:

Expelled is pure propaganda, its style reminiscent of a sub-standard Michael Moore flick complete with voice-over narration and lots of aimless wandering around. Its selling point is that academic freedom in the US is threatened by a vast conspiracy of atheist scientists, hypnotised by what Stein labels in the film the "Darwinian gospel".
Supporters of ID are fired from their institutions or denied tenure, the film argues, while journalists who report on ID are silenced or shunned. This is an old trick. By claiming their views are suppressed, proponents of ID hope to be protected from criticism. When someone argues that ID is bogus, all they need do is yell: "See? Suppression!"

A masterful summary, madam. Allow me to translate: what you're saying is, they're a bunch of whiny fuckers with a persecution complex.

And that's it, my darlings. Couldn't eat another bite. Let's have a nice apertif, shall we? A little TV sounds excellent just now. And I have just the thing. You remember that list of scientists who signed a Discovery Institute declaration against Evolution, the Universe and everything? Well, funny thing, and I know this will shock you, but... they lied about the signatories:

"Now, tracking down many of these [scientists] was actually somewhat difficult because what the Discovery Institute would dishonestly do was
take the most prestigious organization that was ever affiliated with this individual, and they would put that beside their name."

Ye gods, man! You mean to tell me, they made shit up? Egads! And then you inform me that of all the biologists who signed this document, of those you were able to contact, only two actually reject evolution? The rest were shocked and upset to find their names on that list? I am astonished, sir!

/sarcasm off

DonExodus2 is a generous man. He gives Disco their full 101 names, and calculates that IF those were all biologists (not mathematicians and so forth) and IF they ALL rejected evolution, they would represent .0025% of the biologists in America. I'm not so generous. I calculated by those biologists who didn't state uncategorically that they do not reject evolution, and I get a figure of .00074%.

Yes. That's right. An infintesimal fraction of biologists in this country are total fuckwits. The rest are perfectly sane, even though their poor names got dragged through the muck by Disco.

Why do I get a feeling there won't be a sudden stampede of biologists rushing into the free air of Intelligent Design once Expelled is released?

Our feast is ended for tonight, my darlings, but I have no doubt that Expelled and Crew will provide a hearty bounty for us as the week wears on.

Salud!

Monique Davis: Crusader for... Atheists...?

Via Decrepit Old Fool (who has fast become one of my favorite bloggers), I came across a pure gem of a post from Half-Hearted Fanatic. He's got a strange-but-true take on the whole Monique Davis drama:

However, Davis may just be the kind of crackpot that atheism needs.

This is a life lesson I learned two years ago: Ranting lunatics can be a blessing.

Funny, but I was thinking the same thing. I've seen more than one person pull themselves up short when they realize the company they're keeping. It's like a bucket of icewater down the old collar.

Half-Hearted Fanatic does a perfect job showing this. Go read. Find out for yourselves how skate parks, stubborn old ladies, and Monique Davis all relate.

And remember that this extends beyond Davis. I get the same sense from Bush's spectacular fuck-up as president. I think that once this long slog of a nightmare is over, a lot of people are going to wake up and take a quick shuffle toward the left. Not many folks want to be too close to the rabid monkey.

Go Forth and Encourage, My Darlings

Brian Switek over at Laelaps is having a bad moment. My fellow writers, and interested readers, we need to troop over there and give him some love:

Given all the false-starts and struggles I've had as the concept of this book has evolved in my own head, it's not unreasonable to ask why anyone needs another book about evolution. There's presently a glut of books talking about evolution and why it is important, so what can I really hope to achieve? I have no idea if the finished product will be popular at all, but I think it's important to try and express why I find evolution so fascinating.

I think so, too. Let's all tell him so. There's always room for one more, and Brian has the potential to be one of those science writers who fires up the next generation of evolutionary biologists. Don't let him forget that.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

I loves my Senator (via McClachy):

WASHINGTON — With the price of crude oil hovering near $110 a barrel and gasoline prices at record levels, a Washington senator says federal regulators need to stop delaying and start investigating whether petroleum markets are being manipulated.

Democratic Sen. Maria Cantwell said the Federal Trade Commission should move quickly to implement a provision she inserted in a national energy bill approved by Congress late last year that gives it authority to investigate whether excessive speculation and manipulation have driven up prices.

[snip]

Cantwell noted that crude oil prices have doubled over the past year despite adequate inventories, no major disruption in supply and a slight drop in demand in the United States as the economy has cooled.

Observant of her, no? That's why I like her: little things like skyrocketing oil profits combined with agony at the AMPM mini-mart don't escape her notice, unlike a particular President I could name. Considering her history, I don't think she'll let this one go.

In other news, our President signing off on torture is no news:

And yet, major news outlets have decided not to bother mentioning these revelations to the public at all. Froomkin observed, “There was no mention of Bush’s admission in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal or the Los Angeles Times. There was nothing on the major wire services. And nothing on CNN, CBS or NBC.”

I will have a shitload more to say on this within the next few days, but for now: our media's priorities are so fucking out of line it's beyond belief. If anything should be news, it should be this. Does anybody know why this isn't newsworthy?

At least they're taking note of all the fuckery that went on under HUD chief Alphonso Jackson:

All the while, Jackson enjoyed a chef and a full-time security detail that trailed him to Washington social events. His office launched a new $7 million auditorium and cafeteria at HUD's headquarters, money that some within the agency believed should have been directed toward housing for the poor. His office solicited an emergency bid to obtain oil portraits of
Jackson and four other HUD secretaries at a cost to taxpayers of $100,000.

Since when is getting an oil portrait of yourself and your buddies an "emergency?" In the midst of foreclosures, defaults, and other crises in the housing market, you need a new cafe and a fucking portrait?

Why, oh why, did we let the monkeys take over the zoo?

A Nation of Idiots

That's what Bush & Co. want. Stupid people can be led. They won't ask for evidence, because they'll believe arguments from authority. They'll swallow any lie because they don't know better. They'll talk endlessly about the outrage of ordering orange juice instead of coffee, because they're fucking clueless about the outrage of war crimes.


George "What the Fuck Do People Need to Read For" Bush has now decided that $26,000,000 is too much for a children's literacy program.

Reading Is Fundamental was eliminated from the President's proposed FY2009 budget. Congress can save it.

Congress can indeed save it, and so can you. Write now. Takes about 30 seconds, sends a note to your senators and Congressman, shoves the old British two-fingered salute firmly up both the Bush nostrils. What's not to love?


A lot of us were lucky enough to have parents who could give us houses full of books. A lot of kids aren't. Reading Is Fundamental does something about that:

Founded in 1966, RIF is the oldest and largest children's and family nonprofit literacy organization in the United States. RIF’s highest priority is reaching underserved children from birth to age 8. Through community volunteers in every state and U.S. territory, RIF provides 4.5 million children with 16 million new, free books and literacy resources each year.

A book of their own. Every kid should have their own book, and someone to read it to them. Now Bush wants to take even that away from kids.


John Lynch over at Stranger Fruit puts things into perspective:

Consider: an F-16C/D fighter will set you back $19 million and B-2 bomber can be yours for between $737 million and $2.2 billion. The USAF has ~200 of the former and twenty of the latter. Twenty-six million just doesn’t seem that much, now does it?

No, John. It doesn't. Especially not when those numbers are compared to these numbers:

By age 17, only about 1 in 17 seventeen year olds can read and gain information from specialized text, for example the science section in the local newspaper. This includes:

1 in 12 White 17 year olds,
1 in 50 Latino 17 year olds, and
1 in 100 African American 17 year olds.
(Haycock, p5)

You want to know why we're having to wage such a pitched battle against creationism? You want to know why otherwise intelligent people might get snookered by Expelled's pernicious lies? There's your answer. Kids who can't fucking read turn into adults who can't fucking read, and those adults turn into uninformed victims of the first snake-oil salesman who comes along. They have no way of understanding the information that would tell them the assclown's full of shit.


So get on the ball, my darlings. Write your own dear representatives. Let them know that this country can afford a few more books and a few less bombs. Let them know we don't plan on becoming a nation of idiots.


*This, the 71st post of En Tequila Es Verdad, is dedicated to 71-Hour Ahmed. If you haven't met him yet, now is the perfect time to pick up a copy of Jingo by Terry Pratchett. I think you'll find it has plenty to say about what's going on in America just now, for all it's written by a Brit and set on a flat world carried through space on the backs of four elephants standing on a turtle...

Countdown to Humiliation

You know things are bad when Expelled gets pilloried in Salt Lake City, Utah:

Every semi-knowledgeable moviegoer and reader of movie criticism knows what the words "not screened for critics" means: The movie is a
dog.

"Not screened for critics" means a movie is so terrible that the studio will take its chances, deprive itself of free publicity, and go without release-date reviews. Considering the garbage the studios will show us
critics ahead of time (such as the gruesomely lurid "Street Kings" or the laughably stupid "10,000 B.C."), to keep a movie away from critics is usually a sign that things are really, really bad.

That's Sean P. Means with the Salt Lake Tribune, telling it like it is. I don't think I've ever been this delighted reading something out of that newspaper. It's actually the first time I've read anything in that newspaper, but that's beside the point. I sure as shit didn't expect a writer in one of the most conservative states in America to excoriate Expelled. Then again, I've lived right on the Utah border, and I can tell you that, conservatism aside, quite a few folks in Utah are pretty adept at putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with "wait just a darn minute..."

Sean is very good at smelling a stench and identifying a rat:

Now, I have no idea whether "Expelled" is a good movie or a bad one. Like a good critic, I will reserve judgment until I actually see the thing. But I can't help but be struck by the irony of Stein's own words in the movie's introduction (which is also on YouTube):

"In my experience, people who are confident in their ideas are not afraid of criticism. So that tells me the Darwinists are afraid. They're hiding something."

What, pray tell, are Stein and the "Expelled" producers hiding? And what are they afraid of?

Just so, Sean. And I can tell you exactly what they're afraid of: intelligent folk who do their research (the body of the article sniffs around the antics of the Expelled Clown Crew, since they wouldn't let him get within a mile of the actual film). Intelligent folk like you, who have a public forum in which to say: "The movie is a dog."

Something tells me that April 18th is not going to go at all well for these assmonkeys.

A Note of Appreciation

This blog is beginning to develop a healthy community of readers. I just want to take this opportunity to tell you something: each and every one of you is precious to me. You give me hope. You give me strength. I read your blogs, and I see you making a difference, and that keeps me from giving up. You make me realize that we can and will make a difference. We can and will make this a finer world.

What we do is important. Don't ever forget that.

You matter.

Carry on.

Dana Is Melancholy. You All Get to Suffer

It's been a shit day. Spring flipped me the finger, showed me her heels, and went to play silly buggers with some other population, leaving me sitting in the rain and cold. I suppose I should be grateful she was kind enough to stay my weekend, but still. She could have eased us back into winter rather than leaving in the night without so much as a Dear John letter.

Add to this my supervisor calling me into her office to tell me that helping customers actually solve the problems that are making their cell phones a black hole of misery is the wrong thing to do. I should be keeping the calls short instead. I'm sorry. I can't do that. I'm a fixer. This is appreciated only by the numerous customers who lavish praise upon me for actually taking the time and making the effort to solve problems they didn't think could be fixed. My supervisor is unimpressed by their sentiments. She cares about numbers.

You've all been there, I'm sure. Loved by everyone except the one person who holds your career in the hollow of their greedy little hand. If you feel like blowing off steam in the comments regarding same, please feel free.

On top of this, Aunty Flow is late. This does not mean a stay of execution. It means Cousin Pre-Menstrual Syndrome gets an extra week of sleeping on my couch and making me want to slam things. Peri-menopause, I am here to tell you, sucks shit. When you're not bleeding, you're bitchy.

So it's been one of those days wherein lemons abound and there's not enough sugar in the house to make lemonade. The only thing that kept me from beating innocent doorframes to death was the hilarity reported in Discurso.

When I'm upset, I fixate on certain songs. Tonight, there are two. The first is by Dead Can Dance, one of the finest bands in the universe. It's called "American Dreaming," and it's just melancholy yet hopeful enough to match my mood precisely:



I'll be honest with you. When I first stumbled across this song, I almost didn't listen to it, because I was terrified it would be another jingoistic propaganda piece. It's not. And that's very much to my liking.

The second song is Enigma's "Return to Innocence." The older gentleman is singing a Chinese peasant song, and that combined with the soaring female vocals convince even this hormone-ridden sadsack that yes, possibly, things aren't as bad as all that:



And where else can you possibly see a unicorn running backwards?

This song makes me raise my hands, dance, laugh and sing. It makes me want to dance through a rice paddy with a double-fistful of grainy goodness, waving said bunches at the sky and shouting Chinese peasant songs with glee. This will be difficult to accomplish, as I haven't got a rice paddy.

But I have got hope again.

Off with the melancholy. On with the outrage.

"God Bless the Idiots"

A while back, I pondered why Christians are so afraid of atheists, and threw out some ideas. I couldn't really answer that question. During that brief period I was a Christian, I wasn't afraid of atheists. My Christian friends aren't afraid of them (obviously). I don't go out of my way to collar Christians, announce my atheism, and ask the ones who start trembling in terror why they're deathly scared of me. It's hard to hang onto their collars, for one thing - I don't weigh 100 lbs soaking wet, and they've got the power of adrenaline lending them super-strength and speed.


So it's a good thing I have best friends like N.P., who are not only wonderful writers, but totally non-fearing Christians who have observed the timid ones and can report back. She very kindly gave me permission to bung her email up here.


I think she's dead-on here. I believe it's important to highlight this, because the first step in reaching an accord is to understand each other. And I'm adding emphasis to the part that resonated most:


Here's the thing, lovey. Some Christians are, in fact, insecure in their faith, and they've been raised to believe it so wholeheartedly, that in the back of their minds, they're afraid that if they discover a bitty hole in their logic, the whole damned (pardon the expression) thing would unravel before them, and then what have they got to cling to?

Others have been taught to believe wholeheartedly that it's risky to expose themselves to that which is "of the world."

There was an anecdote in a Bible study I had in high school. It's about a mother and daughter in conversation as the mother prepares dinner for the family. The daughter wants to go to a concert with her friends, and the mother doesn't want her to go because of the nature of the music. The daughter objects, trying to assure her mother that it's just music, and she'll still have her faith if she goes to the concert. At this comment, the mother tosses the carrot peelings from the sink into the salad bowl. When the daughter asks her why she did it, the mother answers, "Well, you don't seem to mind garbage in your heart and mind, so I thought you wouldn't mind a little in your salad, either."

While a mildly amusing story that makes a larger point within the spectrum of the Scriptures, this anecdote makes an interesting point from an exterior point of view: Christians avoid that which may invite sin into their hearts, and pretty much anything outside of the teachings of the church invites sin into hearts.

I was raised in a church that shunned me for wearing a cap-sleeved shirt that showed too much of my shoulders or a skirt that didn't cover my knees when I sat in the pews. The idea was that if I dressed "immodestly" (anyone who knows me knows I'm anything but immodest), I would tempt the men of the church with my womanly wiles I guess, which would lead to all kinds of sinful whatever and eventually would lead to "backsliding" from the church, and eternal damnation.

So Christians guard themselves from all things that could potentially corrupt them so as not to become corrupted.

I think they've got it backwards, though. Jesus knew it wasn't the faithful who needed His Love. Jesus dined with tax collectors and prostitutes. He sat among the lepers. Jesus knew it was those who were "sick" that needed Him. He didn't shy away from the opportunity to spread His message of Love, no matter who was there to listen. It's the people who get their hands dirty that get the most work done. Mother Teresa, for example, didn't spend all her time with the Pope or the local bishops. She went where she believed she was needed, as all Christians should.

I consider myself one of your friends who isn't scared of anything. I am a Christian, yes, and I try to love people the way Jesus demonstrated through His ministry on earth. I admire the beauty in Wiccan rituals. I practice yoga. I read anything and everything I can get my hands on. I have friends who are Catholic, Protestant, Wiccan, atheist, agnostic, liberal, conservative, straight, gay, bisexual, American, German, Hispanic, Irish, Polish, and animal. If God doesn't discriminate in His powerful and unconditional love, who am I to turn someone away from my imperfect, human love?

Christians who are scared have already taken those first steps away from God's love because they're letting the worldly, sinful emotion of fear overshadow the love they claim to have for everyone.

God bless the idiots.


I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wish more Christians understood this. And I think you see now why N.P is one of the most remarkable human beings I've ever known, and why I cherish her so.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Something to celebrate today, my darlings: Congress stood up to the President, the world didn't end, and Bush backed down:

Following up on an item from a couple of weeks ago, much to everyone’s surprise, House Democrats simply wouldn’t budge when the Bush administration demanded that Congress pass a permanent “Protect America Act” — with retroactive immunity for telecommunications companies. The law expired, the president threw a fit, and lawmakers broke for a two-week spring recess.

Despite claims that congressional inaction was responsible for increased threats against Americans, and despite demands that the president would never accept a compromise on surveillance power and telecom immunity, the White House indicated recently that the Bush gang might be willing to chat with Democratic leaders after all.

Earlier this week, The Hill reported that House Republicans, who had been shouting that the sky was falling as a result of the PAA’s expiration, have apparently decided to accept the status quo and turn their attention elsewhere.

The FISA fight is one I'd been watching closely, and it's good to see the Dems finally develop a spine on this. Now, was that so hard? No. Do continue with the spine.

Continuing our feast of delight, Alberto Gonzales is apparently discovering that being a lying shitbag sometimes means your chances for employment are somewhat dimmed:

In general, there’s nothing amusing about someone struggling to find a job. There are exceptions.

Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was forced to resign last year, has been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster, Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews.

This warms my heart to an amazing degree. You know, despite appearances here, I'm generally a sympathetic and understanding person. I don't generally delight in the misfortune of others.

For former Bush officials, however, exceptions are made. Now, if only John Yoo et al would suffer the same fate, my evil delight will be complete.

And, to add the whipped cream to my pina colada:

A lawsuit against the Federal Election Commission, to be filed Monday in U.S. District Court, questions the agency's ability to enforce the law and review McCain's decision to opt out of the system. The Republican presidential candidate, who had been entitled to $5.8 million in federal funds for the primary campaign, decided earlier this year to give up that money so he
could avoid strict spending limits between now and the GOP's national convention in September.

During a conference call with reporters Sunday, DNC officials said the FEC is unable to act because four of its six seats are vacant. They want a judge to either order the FEC to begin an immediate review, or allow the Democratic Party to file a lawsuit against McCain's campaign
challenging his decision.

My darlings, I am simply soaring. Raise your glasses with me, now, for a toast: "It couldn't have happened to a better bunch of folks. May their woe be our rescue."

Salud!

Michael Medved: Assclown Extraordinaire

I was going to write a blazing post beating Michael Medved down for his fuckery regarding why an atheist could never be President, but others have done the job for me. To them, I am grateful. It means I can turn my attention to other assclowns.

Carpetbagger highlighted the dumbassitude in "This Week in God:"

First up from the God machine this week is an eyebrow-raising column about why Americans couldn’t possibly vote for a non-believer as president.

The very idea is remarkably remote. Gallup did a poll last year and found that Americans would sooner vote for anyone other than an atheist. But far-right commentator Michael Medved devoted his weekly column to explaining why Americans are right about this, and should only consider monotheists for the presidency. To elect a non-believer to a secular office to lead a secular executive branch, Medved said, would be “bad for the country.”

[snip]

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve seen in print in quite some time.

Considering the stupidity CB runs in to on a daily basis, that's saying something.

Daylight Atheism gives Medved the pounding he deserves, saving me the trouble:

This is the old canard that atheism is somehow intrinsically disrespectful of the religious in the way that other religions are not. It's hard to see how this claim can be sustained, though, because Mormonism and Judaism both deny fundamental tenets of Christianity: one rejects Jesus' claim to be the messiah, while the other asserts that he was just one in a potentially infinite line of deified humans. These faiths already deny so many of each other's major tenets: why does the one additional tenet denied by atheism make all the difference?

If you want to know what I was going to say, go there. I might have a few potshots to take later, but honestly, I can't muster up the energy. Not for a wingnut radio host who believes in Bigfoot and is a Discovery Institute fellow.

No, I'm off to find more challenging game. Spanking someone who's already removed their pants is just not the same.

Expelled: No Wonder They Call It "No Intelligence Allowed"

You know, it's pretty fucking pathetic when I could be blindfolded, blind stinking drunk, standing on one leg on a pilates ball, shooting a compound bow with my tongue, and still manage to hit me some stupid from Expelled & Co.


It's almost epic. It's beyond farce. We need to stop answering them with science and produce Expelled! The Musical. It's already pure fucking comedy: all we need are some catchy tunes.


I can't even do a takedown here. I just can't. Others have done the work, and what follows is a compendium. If you haven't had your daily dose of overwhelming fuckwittery, or if you just need a good reason to whack your forehead into your desk until unconscious, go follow the links, my darlings.


Valerie Tarico from the Huffington Post introduces us to a useful new word: Manufactroversy.

Scientific controversy exists only when the jury of relevant experts is out on whether a new finding meets the standard of evidence. The debate and evidence gathering still are in process. A manufactroversy is when someone motivated by profit or ideology fosters confusion in the public mind long after scientists have moved on to the next set of questions. Think tobacco and lung cancer. Think Exxon and global warming. Now think Ben Stein and evolution.

Elegant. Simple. Hits like a sledgehammer. And the whole article's like that. I especially love her list of IDiot tactics, including their newest one: whining.


I suspect, for their next trick, we'll see them falling down screaming and pounding their little fists into the floor.


Efrique over at Ecstathy has started counting the number of commandments the Expelled crew has broken:

The makers of Expelled have taken lying to the form of art, or at least artifice. They lied to obtain their interviews - lied about the film's title and purpose, lied in the film, lied in marketing it. The whole "not bearing false witness" thing is apparently only a suggestion. Certainly it doesn't carry the force of the cryptotheist's only commandment - Promoting creationism's lies shalt be the whole of the law."

But it doesn't end there. Apparently a few other biblical commandments are also mere suggestions, not, well, commandments.

It's pretty sad when they can be taken down by an atheist on the basis of their own faith, you know.


In keeping with the Biblical theme, John Lynch at Stranger Fruit makes a kindly suggestion about seeing to the log in one own's eye. I'm not going to quote from the piece. It needs to be read as a whole so you can appreciate the beautiful snap at the end.


On to plagarism and nasty legal issues. In case anyone was suffering any doubt that the animation The Inner Life of a Cell was ripped off by the Expelled crew, David Bolinsky weighs in with an open letter. I sort of get the impression that maybe he knows what he's talking about, considering, you know, he was one of the chief medical illustrators involved in creating the original:

Given the vast number of structures to be removed, and given the structures remaining "on camera", whose positioning and relationships,
both aesthetic and functional, needed to remain true to the function and beauty of molecular biology, it is inconceivable, mathematically, that the animator hired by EXPELLED's producers, independently and randomly came up with the same identical actin filament mesh XVIVO depicted in one scene, which had never before been rendered anywhere in 3D! It is astonishing that among well over a dozen functional kinesins from which an animator might choose, we both chose the
same configuration of kinesin, pulling the same protein-studded vesicle, on the same microtubule! Can YOU believe we coincidentally picked the same camera angles and left in the same specific structures in the background, positioned with the same composition?

When you put it that way, no. But do go on:

To Mr. Dembski: The only reason I am involved in this discussion is because I do not want the reputation of my company, hard-earned as
it is, to be sullied by even oblique affiliation to your sort of smarmy ethics, if only through works of ours, purloined to fit your agenda. Last year you were charging colleges thousands of dollars to give lectures showing a copy of The Inner Life of the Cell, you claimed you "found somewhere", with Harvard's and XVIVO's credits stripped out and the copyright notice removed (which is in itself a felony) and a creationist voice-over pasted on over our music (yes, I have a recording of your lecture). Harvard slapped you down for that, and yes there is a paper trail. One can only assume that had we not taken notice then,
we would be debating The Inner Life of the Cell being used in EXPELLED, instead of a copy.

I haven't any doubts on this point, either. Especially in light of what Mr. Dumbski - excuse me, Freudian slip there - Dembski had to say:

I ve gotten to know the producers quite well. As far as I can tell, they
made sure to budget for lawsuits. Also, I know for a fact that they have one of the best intellectual property attorneys in the business. I expect that the producers made their video close enough to the Harvard video to get tongues awagging (Headline: Harvard University Seeks Injunction Against Ben Stein and EXPELLED you think that might generate interest in the movie?), but different enough so that they are unexposed.

Un-fucking-believable. And I thought Behe was the world champion of shooting one's own side in the foot. I'm going to make a prediction here, but don't call me a psychic if it comes true: I expect that once this whole fiasco has wound its way through the courts, Expelled's so-called best intellectual property attorney is going to be a laughingstock. Furthermore, I predict it'll turn out Dembski was just a tad wrong about that attorney being so great to begin with. I mean, look who's making the assessment.


Abby at ERV delivers a full-course banquet in Expelled's latest dumbfuckitude. I present you the appetizer, the main coursehttp://endogenousretrovirus.blogspot.com/2008/04/anyone-want-seconds.html, and of course, dessert. Enjoy!


I just want to highlight the dumbest thing Dembski said:

BOTTOM LINE: Before you think the producers of EXPELLED are idiots, you might think that they are chess players who have seen several
moves ahead.

Chess players, William? Would these be the kind of chess players who shout "Hey, look! It's Deep Blue!" and switch the pieces on the board when their opponent looks away? Because that's the only fucking way these fuckwits are going to win at chess even against a player with massive brain damage and the palsy. Reality really doesn't have any meaning for you, does it? Getting sued for plagarism and theft of intellectual property is no way to advertise a film that asks for a seat at the academic's table. On the other hand, it's a damned good way to prove that your entire premise is dishonest bullshit.


You know, one of these days, I think I'll have to amble down to the good ol' Discovery Institute and ask William personally if he's this fucking stupid naturally or if he has to work at it. The man's a museum piece. If they ever have an exhibit of all-time dumbest bastards, he'll be a contender.

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

We'll jump straight into it with both feet today, my darlings. Just make sure you're holding your noses:

President Bush says he knew his top national security advisers discussed and approved specific details about how high-value al Qaeda suspects would be interrogated by the Central Intelligence Agency, according to an exclusive interview with ABC News Friday.

"Well, we started to connect the dots in order to protect the American people." Bush told ABC News White House correspondent Martha Raddatz. "And yes, I'm aware our national security team met on this issue. And I approved." [emphasis added]

That's right. We're discovering that the Administration approved torture from the top-down, not the bottom-up. Now Bush is going out of his way to inform us he approved - gleefully shattering the shield "The Principals" raised in an attempt to keep him from getting splattered with shit. Apparently, he likes to splash about in the sewage.

Digby is discovering that even after so many years of fuckwittedness, leading to a numbed state, she's not yet innured to the idiocy:

I thought I was long past the point of being shocked at anything the Bush administration did. They suspended the constitution after 9/11 and set forth a series of legal opinions that said the president can do anything he deems necessary to "protect the country." Once you truly absorb that fact, it's hard to be emotionally affected by anything else you learn.

But I was wrong. This shocks me. The president of the United States casually admits on television that he approved of his national security team personally deciding which specific torture techniques should be used against prisoners...

And what is the media doing about it? Emptywheel at Firedoglake answers: Bugger-all:

The President just admitted that he approved torture.

And thus far at least, no one seems to give a damn. As of 9AM, the NYT published no news of Bush's admission. The WaPo placed a story on A3 stating that they had already reported this, even though they hadn't reported this). ABC, the outlet that got the damn scoop, places the story fourth on its list of stories, behind Obama and Indiana and Hillary telling Bill to "butt out," with the main picture on the front page cycling through such critical stories as a dog who invited himself to his owner's funeral.

Hunter at Daily Kos has a pretty good breakdown of media reaction to such things:

NEWSCASTER BOB: Good evening, and welcome to the news. A disturbing revelation tonight, as reports indicate the abusive treatment of prisoners in United States custody was specifically endorsed at the highest levels of government. Vice President Richard Cheney, then Secretary of State Colin Powell, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Attorney General John Ashcroft and CIA Director George Tenet specifically signed off on torture techniques like "waterboarding" that could be used on prisoners, including specific numbers of times some techniques could be used.

This contradicts frequent statements by the administration that these torture techniques were not used, and may have legal ramifications as --

PUNDIT 1: Bob, I'm going to have to break in here. We have breaking news that Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama today turned down a cup of coffee, asking for orange juice instead. Could this be the gaffe that brings down the Obama campaign? Let's talk to our panel of interchangeable political experts.

Our media watchdogs are too busy watching pretty shiny things to take notice of the crooks in the building. This is exactly how they act.

And what's going to happen to John Yoo, the man who wrote the torture memo, now a tenured professor? Again, bugger all:

In response to mounting criticisms of its ongoing employment of John Yoo, UC Berkeley School of Law's Dean Christopher Edley issued a Memorandum -- entitled "The Torture Memos and Academic Freedom" -- citing the "near absolute" values of academic freedom and tenure to explain why the law school will not dismiss Yoo nor even initiate an inquiry into whether action ought to be taken against him.

And because of this vaunted academic freedom, a man who tortured the spirit, letter and meaning of the law gets to hang around in comfy digs at one of our nation's most prestigious schools and teach a whole new generation how to break national, international and military law and get off scott-free. Charming.

I have news for Berkeley: there are times when tenure don't mean jack shit.

This is where the line is crossed. This is where academic freedom ends. I don't give two shits about tenure: when it comes out that you authored a memo that enabled this kind of outrageous, illegal, despicable and digusting behavior, you've lost your right to immunity. Berkeley: investigate his ass. Beat his bottom bloody. After all, I'm sure there's a way you can twist the law to make it perfectly legal and reasonable, eh? Just ask John Yoo.

Glenn Greenwald, at least, understands:

I think all of those concerns are valid, though ultimately, what matters most is that some important American institution -- somewhere -- meaningfully demonstrate that perpetrating systematic torture and committing war crimes renders one beyond the pale in the United States. It shouldn't be up to Berkeley to enforce that precept by itself, but if no other institutions are doing so, then (after a full and careful investigation), Berkeley should.

Exactly.

'Nuff said.

Bloggers Rule, MSM Drool

Cobalt makes an interesting observation in comments on One Apology Down, 303,829,130 To Go:

Davis didn't respond with as strong an apology as we deserve, but she was forced to backtrack because The Internet got pissed. That's encouraging.

Damned skippy, and I hope we never forget that power.

I've been constantly reminded lately of a statement from Batman Begins: "What chance does Gotham have when good people do nothing?" Substitute Gotham for another city, the country, the world. What chance do we have when the good people do nothing?

And that's what's been so great about the internet. A lot of good people have gotten together, done something, and made a difference. Monique Davis is forced to apologize. Expelled is exposed. And there's so much more.

These posts we write, the comments we leave, the emails and the petitions and the donations, they're making a difference.

Democracy only flourishes when its people participate. There were far too many years when the good people did nothing, and the religious bigots, the warmongers, the batshit insane powergrabbers, took over. We have a chance to reverse that. We can pull the country back left. We can bring reason and discourse back. We will make a difference.

One blog. One comment. One email. One petition. One donation at a time. We are The Internet: hear us roar.

Who the fuck needs the Mainstream Media when they've got us?

Skeptics Unite! Take Back Your TV!

Phil Plait, the Bad Astronomer himself, could become a TV star!




The pilot episode of the Skeptologists has been filmed, and it's time now to shop it out to the networks in hopes that they'll nudge aside enough pseudoscience, bullshit, mindless yapping, and otherwise pure crap to make room for a nugget of pure gold.

You can find more information on the show here and here. You can throw your weight behind the show thusly:

Also, if you want to support the show (and given how many people responded to the call for a transcriptionist, I see that y’all do!), you can send an email to skeptologists@newrule.com. You’ll get an automated reply, but we’re collecting emails to show networks that there is a demand for quality shows for intelligent people who don’t buy into all the nonsense being aired right now.

Wanna see Phil & Crew on TV! Wanna wanna skeptical show! So do you. So start bawling with me in hopes we get fed. Mmm, tasty fun skepticism!

Time Gets It Right, Then Fucks Up

Time magazine's Jeffrey Kluger does his best to present a "fair and balanced" assessment of the propumentary Expelled. He gets a few things spectacularly right:

[Ben Stein] makes all the usual mistakes nonscientists make whenever they try to take down evolution, asking, for example, how something as complex as a living cell could have possibly arisen whole from the earth's primordial soup. The answer is it couldn't--and it didn't. Organic chemicals needed eons of stirring and slow cooking before they could produce compounds that could begin to lead to a living thing. More dishonestly, Stein employs the common dodge of enumerating all the admittedly unanswered questions in evolutionary theory and using this to refute the whole idea. But all scientific knowledge is built this way. A fishnet is made up of a lot more holes than strings, but you can't therefore argue that the net doesn't exist. Just ask the fish.

It's hard to imagine a more succinct and elegant way of presenting scientific reality. I think I'll have this paragraph made into a little laminated card and carry it around so that nonsensical non-scientists and I can read it slowly together. Even your uncommon dumbass should be able to grasp it after several perusings and some help with the big words. It's even got a brilliant metaphor at the end. And that's why I feel a little bad about having to spank Jeffrey's bottom now.

But spank I must. Just remember, Jeffie - this will hurt you more than it hurts me.

First off, your snooty I'm-so-above-the-fray tone starting out is just ridiculous. You say this:

There is nothing so tiresome as an argument that no one will ever concede--particularly if the participants don't seem to know it. And there's no place the fighting is growing more pointless than in the ongoing smackdown between evolutionists and advocates of intelligent
design...

As if it's an argument that can be conceeded. As if evolutionary biologists and science teachers can just throw up their hands, mutter "Fine! Your science is stupid, but if it makes you feel better, we'll mention it." The fight isn't pointless, any more than the fight against racism is pointless. Some people will never get it. That doesn't mean that the people who are on the side of reason can stop fighting the irrational just so you don't have to listen to such tiresome arguments.

Let me let you in on a little secret, Jeffrey. If you give the religious fanatics a millimeter, they take a thousand miles. Fighting them is only pointless if you think it's fine to teach fiction as science, it's okay for the public to be lied to, and you don't care much for the advances evolution allows science to make in fields like, oh, say, the medicine that keeps your sorry self alive.

For someone who understands science, that was a stupid fucking thing to say, and I think you know it.

Then you really screw the pooch:

In fairness to Stein, his opponents have hardly covered themselves in glory. Evolutionary biologists and social commentators have lately taken to answering the claims of intelligent-design boosters not with clear-eyed scientific empiricism but with sneering, finger-in-the-eye atheism.

Where do I even begin? Firstly, in fairness to Stein? Are you fucking insane? In fairness to a bald-faced liar who likes to pretend that evolution leads to mass murder? Stein lost his right to fair and balanced treatment a long fucking time ago.

But I digress. Let's take on the second half of your remarkable pooch-screwing: the whole "covered themselves in glory" schtick. Give me a fucking break, Jeffrey. It's largely thanks to your kind that "covering yourself in glory" generally means "being nice so you can be roundly ignored." And what's this bullshit about not answering the claims of IDiots with "clear-eyed scientific empiricism"? What's this, a code phrase for "I really want to lick Ben Stein's balls, so I'll reference his Clear-Eyes commercials and pretend everyone's a nasty, name calling atheist crank"? Is that what you intended? Because it's sure as fuck how you sounded.

I know this is very hard for really-real mainstream journalists to grasp, but do your fucking homework. There's this little thing we like to call research. Only bloggers and a few lonely investigative reporters seem to remember what it is. Let me refresh you: before setting up a straw man and burning him, Google the key ideas in your argument, you fuckwit. Wikipedia alone provides all the information you need. It even debunks the film's claim that scientists are losing their jobs due to belief in intelligent design, which you worried over in an earlier paragraph (hint: they lost their jobs because they were shitty scientists. Nuttin' to do with ID).

"Evolutionary biologists and social commentators" are still answering ID claims with "clear-eyed scientific empiricism," but you lot never notice them, Jeffie. You only notice people who kick up a fuss. That could be a subtle clue as to why some of us have taken to using "sneering, finger-in-the-eye atheism," no? I notice you have plenty to say about PZ Myers, Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens, but bugger all about Eugenie Scott, Ken Miller,