Passing Observations

Today must have been National Retard Day. And I'm just scratching the surface here, my darlings.

Let's start with a bit o' my personal history. Way back when I was in high school, full of vim and vigor and needing money in the worst possible way, I got the crazy idea that joining the Army would be a great way to pay for college. That enterprise ended in disillusionment.

Look, you want to keep volunteers, you don't herd them all together into a depressing building that smells of ancient linoleum and cranky old men. You don't process them using ancient geezers in godawful-pea-green uniforms that look like they came off the rack at Wal-Mart, mooching about the place with bowed heads and bitter stares. You especially don't have a Methuselah with skin the texture of a dessicated lizzard performing the physical exams, and you're really fucking stupid to do all of this where the now-doubtful recruits can see the Navy boys in their sharp so-blue-they're-almost-black uniforms sailing down the halls with their chins up and the pride billowing out from them like Greek fire. None of us needed the money that badly. And, since we couldn't switch to the Navy right then and there, we all said "Sod this for a game of larks" and went home.

Good thing, too:

Robert Lopez served 8 years in our military, fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan as a tank commander. He was told he'd get his whole education bill paid for when he got out of the service.

Yeah, they told me the same thing. So how much do they cover?

Whereas veterans used to be able to count on the government to pay for all of their college expenses, troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan are finding that the GI Bill barely scratches the surface of today’s college costs.

So what this basically means is, I would have served my country, and then come back to find out I'd have to pay for my own damned education, just like Lopez. Not. Fucking. Worth it.

And what's McCain doing about that, pray tell?

...Senators Jim Webb and Chuck Hagel proposed a new GI Bill, which would bring back WWII-style standards of providing vets with full tuition, room and board. And that is why 51 senators have signed on, including 9 Republicans like John Warner, giving this GI Bill tremendous bi-partisan support.

But it isn't enough. Faced with unprecedented filibusters, the only way
to ensure Senate passage of the GI Bill is to get 60 cosponsors. So far, John McCain has refused.

Ah. Bugger-all. That's right. What else did I expect?

Shorter John McCain: "Fuck the troops. Big Daddy Bush don't want me voting for this, I ain't gonna."

And the stupid's not limited to Republicons today. Oh, hell no. Some Democrats were standing behind the door with their buddies in the Republicon party when the common sense was handed out:

South Jersey Rep. Rob Andrews announced yesterday he will challenge four-term incumbent U.S. Sen. Frank Lautenberg for the Democratic nomination in a primary that is bound to become a battle of the generations.

"The people of the state want a choice and they want a change," said Andrews, who is 50. Lautenberg is 84 and has represented New Jersey in the U.S. Senate for almost a quarter-century.

[snip]

Lautenberg's campaign manager, Brendan Gill, said the primary "will be a unique opportunity for Democrats to make a clear choice: Whether to choose Senator Lautenberg, who has consistently stood up to George Bush, or Congressman Andrews, who helped write Bush's resolution to go to war with Iraq."

Bravo, sir. That was an excellent response to a total fuckwit. Very politic. I'm sure what you really wanted to say was "Oh, yes, New Jersey's just been begging for another batshit insane wanna-be Republicon senator."

Carpetbagger has Andrews's campaign slogan all ready for him:

Andrews doesn’t even appear to have a rationale for opposing Lautenberg, outside of the fact that Andrews simply wants a promotion to the Senate, and thinks this might be his chance. With Lamont and Edwards, they could go to voters and say, “The incumbent sides with Republicans on issues that matter.” With Andrews, he’s prepared to go to voters and say, "The incumbent is an octogenarian." (emphasis added)

Yeah. Let's get those bumper stickers made!

Finally, no trip through the stupid-o-sphere would be really complete without seeing what Karl Rove's been up to these days. Oh, so he had an interview with GQ, eh? I'll just bet that was full of substantial and savvy observations:

At one point during the lengthy discussion, Rove explained why he rejects the notion that Republicans will support Obama in fairly large numbers, and actually believes it’s McCain who can win over Dems.

Rove: There are Democrats, particularly blue-collar Democrats, who defect to McCain because they see McCain as a patriotic figure and they see Obama as an elitist who's looking down is nose at 'em. Which he is. That comment where he said, you know, "After 9/11, I didn't wear a flag lapel pin because true patriotism consists of speaking out on the issues, not wearing a flag lapel pin"? Well, to a lot of ordinary people, putting that flag lapel pin on is true patriotism. It's a statement of their patriotic love of the country. And for him to sit there and dismiss it as he did—

GQ: You're not wearing a flag pin, Karl.

Rove: Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But I respect those who consciously get up in the morning and put a flag lapel pin on.

Dear Karl: Shut the fuck up. Jesus fucking Christ, I don't have enough lifetimes to parse the stupid in that snippet. If you're going to spout off about how true patriotism is wearing a fucking flag pin, at least be wearing a fucking flag pin when you do so. Never mind the sheer fuckwittery of the rest of what you said.

By his lights, the woman who called me after 9/11 wanting American flags embroidered on literally every inch of her company shirts must be presidential material.

Somebody give me a drink. I can take no more.