God's President

This... this is priceless. Via Sadly, No! comes word that needs to be spread to every 28-percenter in the country:

Yes, we can vote for George W. Bush in 2008. We have the right to write in the name of our chosen candidate, regardless of whether or not he is officially on the ballot.

We know that George Bush was God's Candidate in 2000. We know that George Bush was God's candidate again in 2004. And George Bush has been God's president for the last 8 years.

Trust in God and vote your faith. Keep America safe. Write-in George W. Bush for President in 2008.

Stay the Course

Under the strong leadership of God's President we've been safe for 7 years. But if we abandon God now, we could be hit again. We don't need to worry about the details, we just trust in God and vote our faith. When we step out in faith and leave the details to God, there's no limit to what can be accomplished.

God's President, eh? I like it. There's a certain truth to it. If, after all, we go for a literal interpretation of the Bible, God was indeed an egomaniacal fuckwit who liked to level whole civilizations for the gain of his chosen few, and to hell with the rest. So is Bush. God was just the kind of short-sighted assclown who would, in a fit of pique, destroy the entire world and then go, "Whoops." So is Bush. God created all sorts of nonsensical laws that show remarkable moral blind spots. So does Bush.

They're absolutely right. He is God's President!

We'll leave the Smack-o-Matic on the wall. Oh, sure, I could go to bloody town with their batshit insane idea that not keeping Bush in office forever is tantamount to abandoning God. I could wear my arm out on people stupid enough to equate voting for Bush with voting their faith. I could tear my rotator cuff pounding these lackwits over willfully ignorant "we don't need to worry about the details" bullshit. But I won't. You know why?

For one thing, I'll exhaust myself for nothing. I could beat these people with a smart-stick for five years straight, and at the end of it my stick would be worn down, I'd be worn out, and people like this would still be as dumb as a bag of bargain-basement bricks.

I could even enlist every intelligent Christian in our arsenal to go try to lead these people to some semblance of rationality, and they'd remain as religiously incompetent as a lobotomized lobster.

So I want them voting for Bush. If they're busy writing in their hero's name, they're manifestly not voting for McCain.

I don't have to spell this out for you, do I? You can do this wee bit o' math.

Tell your neoconservative friends, family and sworn enemies that they do have a choice this November! Give them a pen. Help the more backward of them learn how to write George W. Bush. You can even order up some practice ballots and coach them. Make sure they're fully prepared for the election this November.

Between Bush and Barr, I'd bet Obama could come out as a kitten-raping, baby-munching, professional earthling-exterminator from Alpha Centauri, and he'd still win this election by a landslide. This could be the only election in U.S. history where a major-party candidate gets 1/2 of 1% of the vote. This could be such fun.

So who wants to hand out Write-in Bush bumper stickers at the Republicon National Convention with me?