Fighting Fair

I don't hang about Conservapedia much, or I wouldn't have missed this delightful exchange. Y'see, Andy Schlafly, assclown extraordinaire, would lurrrv to debate a stinking librul - except for the fact he can't. He ran away from Ames like a kicked cur.

(Note to Andy: here's how challenges work. If you make 'em, you pay for 'em, and you stick by the original terms of your fucking challenge. Unless, of course, you're so shit-scared of being publicly clobbered by a flaming liberal that you have to find a way to weasel out when one of the buggers misunderstands your grandstanding, chest-thumping, self-congratulatory bullshit and actually takes you seriously.)

The problem is this: Ames and people like him not only fight fair, they fight nice. They're good, kind, decent people who try not to sink to the stinking pits of depravity their neocon opponents inhabit. And this is why liberals lose even when they win.

Ames won this round. Andy will claim the victory because he's a lying sack of choleric monkey shit. It's how the game is played, and the fake celebrations confuse people into believing something's there to be celebrated. Since a liberal wouldn't think of celebrating such a hollow victory, well, it's the neocons who look like they've won.

I think there's a lesson in here.

Yes, we have values, and we shouldn't engage in tactics we despise to win.

But we need to be better bastards.

When slime like Andy tries to kick liberals in the teeth, don't turn the other cheek. Let him break his foot hitting the hard stuff.

When bottom feeders like Andy try to move the goalposts, give their hands a good, sharp smack and announce, "The goalposts stay where they are, you son of a bitch. What, you have to cheat to win now?"

We don't have to be nasty, necessarily. But liberals have a tendency to be conciliatory and offer compromises and try to accommodate, and people like Andy see that as weakness. They use others' good will to fuck them over, because they know they can get away with it. They don't understand diplomacy. They do, however, understand the use of force.

So we should get forceful. When we've tried a compromise and found the only thing our opponent's willing to compromise is his integrity, compromise stops, and the smackdown begins. Call them out. Call them six kinds of coward, explain to the universe at large just what a stupid fucking loser your opponents have to be to pull that shit, expose the dishonesty and don't fucking back down. Bludgeon them with the truth. Ream them with the facts. Don't get nice again until they've shown you their belly. Because if you offer your hand the instant they stop growling but before they've shown submission, you're gonna lose a finger.

And no, that's not going to keep these pathetic little liars from slithering their way out of a tight corner and trying to play the victor. They won't fight you honestly because they know they're gonna lose. That's why you celebrate calling them out on their lies. Throw the loudest, longest victory party evah whenever some neocon weasel-fucker has just ducked, weaved, and goal-post shifted himself away from certain disaster.

Stuff your liberal guilt into a sack and drown it. What do you have to feel guilty about when you're fighting fair? You're being assertive, not aggressive. You don't lie, you don't cheat, you don't make impossible demands, so there's nothing in the world to be ashamed of. And if you called your opponent a two-faced goat-fucker during a heated exchange, well, sometimes, truth hurts, but it's important to tell the truth even so.

We don't have to fight dirty. But fighting fair doesn't mean having to fight nice.