The Pleasures and Perils of Literal Interpretations

Via PZ, I see that Answers in Genesis (you know, that group of fundie lackwits who go in for an utterly literal interpretation of the Bible to the point of absurdity) wishes Christians to "stand unashamedly and uncompromisingly on the Bible." 

Yes, I got finished laughing later in the afternoon.

Happy Jihad's House of Pancakes is running a bit of a campaign in response:

I am hereby starting my own campaign, the I-Am-Who-Am Is Ashamed of Your Slogan Campaign. It is my hope that we will show the world that we too can be ignorant, pigheaded literalists. 

Though I hate to mistreat any book, being a bibliophile, I cannot dash the hopes of Happy Jihad's House of Pancakes.  Moreover, I happen to own a Bible.  Furthermore, I've been egged on by my best friend, who belongs to a very conservative Christian denomination and, after years of experience, realizes that literalism needs a good twist of the nose every so often.  (Yes, he eventually got finished laughing as well.  Eventually.)  So I am more than happy to report that non-Christians, too, can "stand unashamedly and uncompromisingly on the Bible."  Although, as Garrett pointed out, it's also "uncomfortably," because the book is rather small and slippery. 

And so, to demonstrate the utter stupidity of taking every last thing literally, here is my unashamed and uncompromising stand upon the Bible:

I tried to get my cat to join me, but she found the whole thing utterly boring and too much effort.  She only consented to lounge unashamedly and uncompromisingly instead:

I do so hope that Answers in Genesis runs another campaign soon.  And this has clarified some matters for me.  I have discovered that one possible reason for taking things literally is because it's such ridiculous fun.