Dumbfuckery du Jour

I've been happily immersed in chasing after strata today, along with clearing two weeks' worth of Daily Show and Colbert Report from my DVR.  Haven't had much time or desire to muck about with pollyticks, but I dropped by TPM anyway, and when I saw this, I laughed and laughed and knew I had to share it with you:

To many conservatives, almost everything is a secret liberal plot: from fluoride in the water to medicare reimbursements for end-of-life planning with your doctor to efforts to teach evolution in schools. But Conservapedia founder and Eagle Forum University instructor Andy Schlafly -- Phyllis Schlafly's son -- has found one more liberal plot: the theory of relativity. 

If you're behind on your physics, the Theory of Relativity was Albert Einstein's formulation in the early 20th century that gave rise to the famous theorum that E=mc², otherwise stated as energy is equal to mass times the square of the speed of light. Why does Andy Schlafly hate the theory of relativity? We're pretty sure it's because he's decided it doesn't square with the Bible.

That's one of those products of a pathetic mind that you just have to laugh at, because otherwise you'd scream.  This isn't just weapons-grade stupidity, it's nuclear.  Only, not really nuclear, because E=mc² is a horrible librul plot and so is everything that arose from it, including nuclear weapons and nuclear power plants.

Schlafly whines about how people who understand relativity don't read their Bible (and the Bible's a bestseller!!1!11!),  ergo it's like totally evil, and from there he jumps to it can't be true!1!11!!!  Oh, and Jesus was faster than the speed of light.  I wonder if Schafly realizes just how ridiculous he sounds.  He's arguing against relativity because people smart enough to understand it are also smart enough to be bored by the superstitious ramblings of ancient goatherders, which is silly enough.  But then he starts that inane babble about how the Bible outsells all other NYT bestsellers, as if this were some sort of popularity contest.  And if his god is, after all, a god, what the fuck do speed limits matter?  Aren't gods supposed to be supernatural?  Couldn't his god break the laws of physics?  If not, he's not much of a god, now, is he?

It takes a special kind of stupid to write something this incredibly dumb.  It's too bad we can't tap it as an alternative form of energy - we'd be able to plug Andy Schlafly into the power grid and keep America brightly lit for decades.  At least then he'd be of some use.