What the Fuck, Mom and Dad!?!

All right, I know my parents are conservative, but I love them anyway. They're not fuckwits - far from it. So I forgive them these little lapses, such as, oh, you know, voting for fucking George "What a Spectacular Dumbass" Bush, especially since they're planning on voting for Obama this time round.* My stepmother nearly gave me a heart attack when she announced they were voting Democratic, but she nearly gave me apoplexy with this:

But that is only if the Anti Christ (Hillary) doesn’t get nominated. If she does, then we are both voting for McCain, and I don’t like him at all.

(Picks self up off floor, pounds self on back, finally stops coughing and choking.)

John McCain? Seriously, John McCain? John "Bush III" fucking McCain?

Let us review:

McCain is a pure neoconservative in exactly the way that Bush and Cheney are, which is exactly why David Brooks, and like-minded ideologues like Bill Kristol, swoon over McCain's foreign policy "principles." - Glenn Greenwald

John McCain's economic plan is to convene a couple of meetings. Oh, and some more tax cuts. What's that I hear? The sound of Ohio voting Democratic? It's one thing to make a high-minded pledge to eschew "election-year politics." It's quite another to act willfully ignorant of the pressing concerns of millions of Americans. - Andrew Leonard

Seems to me that on the priority chart, it's far more important to let the public in on the fact that one Presidential candidate doesn't know what he's talking about on foreign policy, his perceived strength, than which pins were knocked down at what bowling alley in Altoona on a Saturday night. But maybe I just don't have a good appreciation of metaphor. - dday

Now that he's running as a conservative presidential candidate, the Arizona senator who's been flip-flopping all over the place, has come to believe the worst of the Republicans' economic nonsense. - Steve Benen (see updated flip-flop list here.)

Senator John McCain likes to present himself as the candidate of the “Straight Talk Express” who does not pander to voters or change his positions with the political breeze. But the fine print of his record in the Senate indicates that he has been a lot less consistent on some of his signature issues than he has presented himself to be so far in his presidential campaign. - New York Times

And let's not forget that Mr. Not-afraid-to-call-batshit-insane-theocons-"Agents of intolerance"-McCain is getting mighty damned comfy with folks who make some of the more rabid imams look nearly mainstream by comparison.

While I am sure that John McCain does not share the hateful views of Hagee and Parsely, this episode surfaces another dimension of the character and judgement of candidate McCain. He has demonstrated a double talking side to his political ambitions at odds with the aw shucks style of an allegedly straight-talking pol. The chasm between his stated principles and his public actions is wide, as he forges profound political alliances with Religious Right leaders who are every bit as divisive as Robertson and Falwell in utter abandonment of principles he once fiercely held and famously declared during the 2000 presidential campaign. - Talk to Action

You mean, that McCain?

Oh, no. Nonono. Look, I don't care much for Hillary Clinton myself. I would go so far as wishing she'd get abducted by aliens, thus ending any possibility of her getting nominated (not that it's likely) and providing us with hours of entertaining pseudoscience on her return, but at least she's not a batshit insane flip-flopper with notions about the economy and the war that only a fucktard with an IQ of 12 could possibly entertain, courting even more batshit insane frothing fundamentalist fuckwits. I'll have to swallow hard and then go take a shower afterward if I pull Hillary's lever, but I'd have to go shoot myself in the head if I voted for McCain. I'd even go so far as to take a gun-toting friend to the polls with me. If I so much as look like I'm voting for that lackwit conservative fake fucking neocon, I want my brains decorating the precinct walls. And I'll count it a cheap price to pay to keep that asscrunch out of the Oval Office.

You love your daughter, right? You were upset when she moved all the way to Washington State on you? Well, how do you think you'll feel when she emigrates to fucking New Zealand, because that's what's gonna happen if John McFuckingCain gets elected. I will leave the country. I can't fucking take it anymore.

Mommy. Daddy. Please, for the sake of your child, don't vote for that sack of shit!

*I just want to make it abundantly clear that, despite our disparate views on who's qualified for the highest office in the land, my parents are brilliant people. This post should in no way suggest that they are anything but. If all conservatives were like them, I wouldn't have to spend a good portion of my day bashing conservatives. I wouldn't have any damned material to work with. So, actually, it's a good thing more conservatives aren't like them...