Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XVIII: "It's For Research"

I'll let yer Captain make the announcement:

Did ye think we'd never get away from the dock? Hah! The Elitist Bastard is cutting water and breaking ice. And woe betide any con ships that cross her path this month! Get the top-secret skinny on her mission at Decrepit Old Fool: Carnival Of The Elitist Bastards, the "it's for research" edition.

It's readily apparent I'm no sea-dog, but luckily the crew is fully seasoned!

 Captain George be more sea-dog than he admits!  Ye're in for a treat this month, me hearties - and I hope ye brought yer experimental ammo.  Ye'll see what I mean.

(Postdated to ensure no one misses the news.  New content be below.)