27 April, 2008

Hangover Discurso

I found some items in my Yahoo! News feed that are too tasty not to pass on.

You know the White House Correspondents' "Let's All Get Together and Wank Over Our Own Greatness" Dinner? Yeah, the dinner that Stephen Colbert delivered his masterful smackdown at two years ago? They still haven't recovered, and that warms my heart:

The Scottish-born [Craig] Ferguson found middle ground between the tepid impersonations of last year's entertainer, Rich Little, and the merciless satire that Comedy Central's Stephen Colbert delivered in
2006.

Heh. "Merciless satire." I would've said "absolute fucking verbal slaughter," but merciless satire works.

Craig wasn't exactly kind, either, telling Bush he could "look for a job with more vacation time," and remarking that it "takes longer than you think to pack up an entire dungeon" when noting that Cheney's already started moving.

Bush proved once again that he's not only a lame duck, but a lame-ass joker as well:

"Senator McCain's not here," Bush said of GOP nominee-in-waiting John McCain. "He probably wanted to distance himself from me a little bit. You know, he's not alone. Jenna's moving out too."

Bush then referred to scandals that have dogged the campaigns of the two remaining Democratic candidates, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama, in explaining their absence: "Hillary Clinton couldn't get in because of sniper fire and Senator Obama's at church."

Earth to Bush: you're not fucking funny. You're a pathetic little power-mad moron. Shut the fuck up.

The White House Press Corps handed each other little awards telling each other how wonderful they are. A few of those awards were even given for substantial reporting, such as the National Journal's Alexis Simendinger's breaking the RNC-White House email story. My own Seattle P-I had three reporters walked off with a Poe for their series "The Terrorism Trade-off." It's just too bad that there was so little substantial reporting to choose from.

On to election news. We have work to do, my darlings:

In 2004, Bush won 286 electoral votes to 251 for Kerry. This year's Democratic nominee must triumph in all the states Kerry won, and pick up 19 more votes to prevail — or come up with another game plan to reach the magic number. McCain, for his part, must fend off Democratic challenges to hang on to the GOP advantage.

The AP article cites Colorado, New Mexico, Nevada, Iowa, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, and Virginia as prime battlegrounds. Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Oregon are listed as Republican opportunities. Wild-card states are Arkansas, West Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Montana, Kentucky, Arizona, Maine, New Jersey, Delaware, California, and Washington.

You know what to do.

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