Dumbfuckery du Jour

I know, I know, there's plenty of Con dumbfuckery to bash.  But let's face facts: we already know they're a bunch of remarkable dumbfucks who shouldn't be trusted with pointy scissors, much less public office.  And besides, Mary Landrieu's probably headed for their ranks just as soon as she forgets that the Teabagging masses don't elect former Dems.  She's already getting her practice at pulling remarkably fucktarded Con stunts:

Last month, Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) announced that she would be blocking “the nomination of Office of Management and Budget [OMB] director Jack Lew until the Obama administration lifts its deepwater drilling moratorium,” singlehandedly hobbling the OMB. 

Today, the Obama administration announced that it will be ending its deepwater drilling moratorium. “The policy position that we are articulating today is that we are open for business,” Interior Secretary Ken Salazar told reporters at a news conference. Yet Landrieu said in a statement today that she still refuses to lift her hold on Lew’s nomination, and will continue to “evaluate if today’s lifting of the moratorium is actually putting people back to work” and “whether or not drilling activity in both shallow and deep water is resuming” over the next month before making a decision...

Even your average hostage taker is more reasonable than these shit-for-brains wanna-be Cons.

So, my dear Louisiana voters, if you elect to send Landrieu into an early retirement, you have my blessing.  It's just too bad she won't end up on unemployment with no prospect of a job, her benefits set to expire because shit-for-brains supposed Senators can't see their way clear to extending them, living in a box on an oil-slicked beach, watching as the oil companies collect their subsidies, fuck over our environment, and laugh all the way to the bank.  Seeing her kicked out of office shall have to suffice.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Boy, that didn't take long.  Two minutes of scanning headlines, and I come across this remarkable distopian example of the kind of lives we'd lead if Cons could have their way:

As ThinkProgress has noted, there are currently two competing visions of governance in the United States. One, the conservative vision, believes in the on-your-own society, and informs a policy agenda that primarily serves the well off and privileged sectors of the country. The other vision, the progressive one, believes in an American Dream that works for all people, regardless of their racial, religious, or economic background.

The conservative vision was on full display last week in Obion County, Tennessee. In this rural section of Tennessee, Gene Cranick’s home caught on fire. As the Cranicks fled their home, their neighbors alerted the county’s firefighters, who soon arrived at the scene. Yet when the firefighters arrived, they refused to put out the fire, saying that the family failed to pay the annual subscription fee to the fire department. Because the county’s fire services for rural residences is based on household subscription fees, the firefighters, fully equipped to help the Cranicks, stood by and watched as the home burned to the ground.

RIP three dogs and a cat that burned to death because firefighters wouldn't take the $75 Mr. Cranick offered them and do their fucking jobs.  I have no idea how these fucktards can live with themselves.   I have no idea what kind of fucktards thought a subscription service rather than a simple tax would be a brilliant idea. 

You know, I seem to recall discussing this just last month:

Quite soon, we'll start hearing about how emergency services would do much better if they were privatized, as the free market is almost godlike in its ability to solve our every problem.  City and state governments, they'll say, should contract with private entities for the provision of fire and police services.  Why, that would be almost as good as cutting programs meant to help icky poor people out of the budget!  Someone should explain the history of private firefighting to them and ask if they're pining for a return to those halcyon days of private enterprise.

And here I come to find out that you don't have to travel all the way back to nineteenth century America - why, you can just head down to rural Tennessee to see good ol' private emergency services in action! Wait, I mean, inaction.

As for those who, like Glenn Beck, argue that the Cranicks could've avoided all this by simply paying up, let me just mention that a) putting out fires before they spread to neighboring, fully-subscribed properties isn't a bad idea, b) watching as helpless animals and a family's home burn to the ground is a sociopathic thing to do and c) people don't always make farsighted decisions, which is why some decisions shouldn't be left to them.  I'm sure if we dug into your life, Glenn, we'd find some pretty piss-poor contingency planning lurking around somewhere.  And who's gonna scream loudest if someone doesn't come rescue you?  You, that's who.  Conservatives always pull that shit.  They'll all sneer and "personal responsibility" and free market until it's their property in flames, and then it's one long, sustained tantrum because the government they starved to death didn't save them.

There are basic things a civilization needs in order to be a civilization.  A tax base that provides essential services like fire, emergency and police to every member of a community is one.  And if, because Cons hate taxes so much they'd rather pay a fee instead of a tax, a community ends up with a primitive-fucking fire department based on a subscription service, the least bit of human fucking decency should dictate that at the very least, when the homeowner's proffering payment on the spot, you put out his fucking fire.  Or put out the fucking fire and bill him the fucking $75.  Whatever.  Just fight the fucking fire.

This, my darlings, is what happens when the shortsighted voting public elects the sociopaths.  Not pretty, is it?

Think carefully on that before you head to the polls this November.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

I wish Cons would settle on a century.  Some of them seem to want to return us to the glory days of the Middle Ages.  Some yearn for the days of the robber barons and child labor.  Some seem to be pining for the halcyon days of the Puritans, or burning for Revolutionary War times.  This is a new one on me, though:

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas), he of "terror baby" fame, is fond of wandering onto the House floor at odd times and sharing odd thoughts that pop into his head. Last night, Gohmert offered this gem:

"We have people on welfare and I know there's some that just don't wanna work, but there's some that do. How 'bout if instead of the welfare, we give 'em an alternative. We'll give you so many acres that can provide land where you can live off of it, make a living and we'll give you seed money to start, but you have to sign an agreement that you'll never accept welfare again. How 'bout that? We got plenty of land."

He really said that. It's on video.

Ye gods.  This fucktard thinks we can return to the good ol' days of the Homestead Act.  He really thinks city dwellers can eke a living out of subprime farmland (because let's face it, all the good shit's in the hands of agribusinesses).  I suppose it's better than the dumbshit who advocates a return to the days of debtor's prison, but not by much.

Louis.  Louis.  Louis.  I have to explain something to you.  This



is a fantasy.  It's not reality.  It's nostalgia for an era that never really was.

This

is reality (.pdf).  Notice that 60% of all farms make less than $10,000 per year.  And a fair number of those that make more do so with government subsidies.  Go have a look, Louis.  I know these numbers may be hard for a brain dead fucktard like you to understand, but get someone on your staff to write it up as a Dick and Jane book for you.

Either that, or go try to make your own living on a few miserable acres of substandard farmland, and let's see how long it is before you start screaming for help.  I'm a generous person, and I understand you have your pride, so I'll give you a week.

What a dumbass.  And to think we'll have a whole new crop of little Louies running around Congress come next January.  Fanfuckingtastic.

Dumbfuckey du Jour

It proved difficult to choose a bit of dumbfuckery today.  There's just so damned much of it.  Sen. Jim "Witless" DeMint takes top prize for shitting all over the Senate:

Stan Collender speculated over the weekend that Senate Republicans may very well try to shut down the pre-adjournment legislative schedule, and possibly even try to shut down the government, this week. As it turns out, Collender was onto something. Roll Call reports on a new GOP scheme that the newspaper accurately describes as "remarkable."

Sen. Jim DeMint warned his colleagues Monday night that he would place a hold on all legislation that has not been "hot-lined" by the chamber or has not been cleared by his office before the close of business Tuesday. [...]

Traditionally, the Senate passes noncontroversial measures by unanimous consent at the end of most workdays, a process known as hot-lining. DeMint, Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) and others have fought against the practice for years and have dedicated staff members to reviewing bills that are to be hot-lined.

As a result, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) have generally given DeMint, Coburn and others time to review legislation before proceeding with unanimous consent agreements.

But in a terse e-mail sent to all 100 Senate chiefs of staff Monday evening, Steering Committee Chief of Staff Bret Bernhardt warned that DeMint would place a hold on any legislation that had not been hot-lined or been cleared by his office before the close of business Tuesday.

Roll Call added that aides from both parties were "stunned" by DeMint's stunt, which effectively amounts to "a unilateral decision to end legislative activity in the Senate." If he doesn't personally approve of a measure, DeMint will kill it.

If this doesn't force a reconsideration of Senate rules and procedure, nothing will.  When one squalling infant can stamp his little feet and bring the entire body to a howling halt, it's time to ensure that there are methods in place to paddle said squalling infants right on their bottoms.

And speaking of Senate dumbfuckery, it appears that the entire Con contingent, plus Baucus, Nelson, Tester, Warner, and Lieberman, have all decided that shipping jobs to foreign countries is a fine old American tradition that must not be interfered with. Remember them, especially if your job ends up in India next week.

But according to Senate candidate Ron Johnson, those jobs that do stay in the United States should come with the optional extra of corporate immunity if the kiddies get hurt.  That's right.  He's totally against holding businesses accountable if they coulda woulda shoulda prevented their employees from abusing children.  Can't let a little thing like liability (or common human decency) stand in the way of commerce!

Anyone get the sense that if these folks emigrated, America's collective morality would suddenly rocket up by about 100%?  Maybe we should offshore Senators....

Dumbfuckery du Jour

What rocks do the Cons turn over to find these idiots?

Millionaire businessman John Raese, running as the GOP Senate nominee to fill Robert Byrd’s West Virginia seat, wants to take the state back to the 19th century. Not only does he want to return capitalism to the era before child labor laws, Social Security, and civil rights laws, he also promotes a pre-industrial vision of science. In an interview with Real Clear Politics, Raese said he has “zero” trust that “human activity is contributing to climate change”:

The oceans that surround the world produce 185 billion tons of CO2 per annum. Man per annum only produces six billion tons, so what could possibly be the concern? One volcano puts out more toxic gases-one volcano-than man makes in a whole year. And when you look at this “climate change,” and when you look at the regular climate change that we all have in the world, we have warm and we have cooling spells.

Although Raese is well-versed in conspiracy-theory talking points, they’re as nonsensical as his desire to abolish the Departments of Energy and Education. Human activity puts about 29 billion tons of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere each year, well over 100 times as much as all the volcanoes in the world. The oceans actually vent about 332 billion tons of CO2 per year, but also absorb that much. 

There seems to be an exam you have to pass in order to become a Con candidate.  Questions include:

• Are you terminally insane?
• Are you a frothing fundie fucktard?
• Are you completely ignorant of science?

If you answer yes to all three, you are qualified to win the hearts and ostensible minds of the Teabagging masses.  Our government is poised to be filled with people who make my dear maternal uncle, who once went off his meds and decided to hold up a bank in order to obtain the funds for a boat so that he could become a pirate, look completely rational and scholarly.

I think I should begin stocking up on alcohol.  I'll need bathtubs full come November.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Oh, yes.  At last.  The Smack-o-Matic's coming off the wall, baby, yeah.

And what better way to begin than with a classic bit of dumbfuckery, proving the Senate has always contained politicians who have some difficulty confronting Really Serious Issues and are terrified of change:

June 25, 1930
Senate Considers Banning Dial Phones

Senator Carter Glass of Virginia
Carter Glass (D-VA)

In the spring of 1930, the Senate considered the following resolution:

Whereas dial telephones are more difficult to operate than are manual telephones; and Whereas Senators are required, since the installation of dial phones in the Capitol, to perform the duties of telephone operators in order to enjoy the benefits of telephone service; and Whereas dial telephones have failed to expedite telephone service; Therefore be it resolved that the Sergeant at Arms of the Senate is authorized and directed to order the Chesapeake and Potomac Telephone Co. to replace with manual phones within 30 days after the adoption of this resolution, all dial telephones in the Senate wing of the United States Capitol and in the Senate office building.

Magpiemom posted this as a comment on the DFDJ deriding Senate Cons for valiantly defending the incandescent bulb, and she's right - I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Be sure to read on, my darlings.  Stupidity never goes out of fashion.  It just finds different issues to be stupid about.

(Note to new readers: the comment system doesn't hate you, it's just set to moderate comments after X days to stymie spammers.  Sorry 'bout that!)

On to modern dumbfuckery, then, and nothing's entertained me more this week than watching Cons unveil their Pledge to America to near-universal derision.  How desperate are they for some sign, any sign, that somebody somewhere doesn't think their Pledge is a ridiculous fucking waste of time?  So desperate they're pretending Stephen Colbert is who he pretends to be:

House Republicans have had a tough time getting anyone — even fellow conservatives and Republicans — to endorse their new gimmicky “Pledge to America” they rolled out yesterday. Newt Gingrich, David Frum, Erick Erickson, the Club for Growth, conservative radio hosts, and even some GOP House candidates aren’t too thrilled with the recycled Republican pledges.

It seems Republicans are so desperate for someone to endorse the Pledge that they are now touting the fake support from a fictional character. Today, Comedy Central host Stephen Colbert testified — in character — before Congress on migrant labor issues. During the hearing, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-TX) noted that Colbert supports giving lawmakers 72 hours to read bills before they’re voted on and extrapolated that Colbert must support the entire Pledge because that “idea” is within it. Later, Colbert reassured Smith with this satirical response:

COLBERT: By the way I do endorse your policies. I do endorse your policies. You asked me if I endorse Republican policies. I endorse all Republican policies without question.

[snip]

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) was so happy someone announced support of the GOP’s “Pledge” that he promoted Colbert’s (fake) endorsement on twitter:

That's just too pathetic for words.  If they truly don't understand that Stephen Colbert's schtick is just a schtick, then we're in uber-pathetic territory and accelerating as near-light speeds towards epic stupidity.  Put it like this: I probably won't die of shock if that proves to be the case.

We cannot end today's delving back into the realms of dumbfuckery without highlighting this extraordinary bit of Con hypocrisy:

The Washington Post ran an item the other day that, at first blush, doesn't seem especially political, but is worth considering in a larger context.

The issue is the spread of the brown marmorated stink bug through the mid-Atlantic states. They're harmless to people -- the don't bite, sting, or carry diseases -- but for the first time on the continent, they're doing significant damage to crops, ornamental shrubs, and trees. And as homeowners are discovering, as the bugs begin moving inside as temperatures drop, "when squashed or irritated, the bugs release the distinctive smell of sweaty feet."

The insects reached the U.S. in Allentown, Pa., in 2001, apparently as stowaways in a shipping container from Asia. Now they're spreading, they have no known natural predators, and there's "no easy way to kill lots of the bugs at once." Complicating matters, "the invasion is only going to get worse."

So, where's the political angle?

Rep. Roscoe Bartlett, a Republican who represents Maryland's rural 6th District, sent a letter Friday, signed by 15 members of Congress, asking U.S. Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack and Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa P. Jackson to take immediate action to limit damage caused by Halyomorpha halys.

Of the 15 members who signed the letter, eight of them are Republicans -- all from states between West Virginia and New Jersey, and all fairly conservative members of the GOP caucus. The group of lawmakers are looking for "coordinated federal government assistance" from the Obama administration to help farmers and local economies deal with the bugs.

[snip]

There seems to be a bit of disconnect here between Republican ideology and real-world problems. On the one hand, conservative lawmakers like Bartlett hate "big government," the EPA, federal regulations, and government bureaucrats. This year, plenty of GOP candidates are talking about eliminating the EPA, firing parts of the federal workforce, scrapping regulations, and slashing spending on various agencies.

Shouldn't conservative lawmakers, right about now, expect the free market to offer a solution to the stink-bug problem? Why hasn't the GOP offered everyone a tax credit for fly swatters and facemasks? Why aren't Tenthers running around demanding to know where, exactly, the Constitution empowers the federal government to deal with an insect infestation?

Apparently, when confronted with the potential horror of smelling sweaty feet in their very own homes, Cons can be persuaded to abandon their principles and scream for Mommy.  So here's an idea for you, my darlings.  Go collect yourselves some brown marmorated stink bugs.  They should fit easily in a match box or some such container.  Then bring them to your Con politician's next town hall.  When they start frothing at the mouth over the evul gubmint, remove the lid from your container, present the contents to the Con, and ask in calm and reasonable tones, "Then why did you scream for the 'evul gubmint' to eradicate these poor little pests?"

It's probably just a matter of time before the Teabaggers start parading around with signs saying "Keep Your Government Hands Off Our Agricultural Pests." 

Dumbfuckery du Jour

The reasons for a special Friday Dumbfuckery are two.  Firstly, I'll be abandoning all you all for Oregon, which means no fresh pollyticks till Wednesday at the earliest.  Secondly, and most importantly, both of the following items made me pound my desk with mirth.  So I figured you should enjoy yourselves as well.

Firstly, please welcome our next great candidate from Delaware.  Teabaggers gifted us not only with Christine O'Donnell, whose insanity is exhaustively cataloged here, but chose Glen Urquhart for the House:

And just to get a sense of what kind of congressional candidate Glen Urquhart is, note that he believes the notion of separation of church and state was crafted, not by Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, but by Adolf Hitler. He recently told voters, "[The] next time your liberal friends talk about the separation of church and state, ask them why they're Nazis."

Seriously. He actually said that.

PPP's Dean Debnam noted this week, "Delaware has really worked out well for Democrats."

Heh.  No shit, eh?

You may, at this point, be wondering how one could possibly follow that up (if you're not too busy contemplating why you're a Nazi, that is).  Well, there's really only one way to do it:

The International House of Prayer, an “end times” ministry based in Kansas City, Missouri, is being sued by a pancake restaurant which claims that it has already staked a claim to the “IHOP” acronym:

The International House of Pancakes has a filed a lawsuit against a Kansas City, Mo.-based religious group that calls itself the International House of Prayer over the acronym “IHOP.”

[snip]

Amusingly, because trademark infringement cases often come down to whether the defendant’s use of the plaintiff’s mark is “likely to cause confusion” between the two parties, this case could turn upon whether anyone is likely to confuse a church with a pancake joint.

My friend Sean believes that it will all come down to whether IHOP (the church one) also hosts pancake breakfasts.

And, just in case you haven't topped up on stupidity yet, the Texas Board of Education [sic] is at it again.  This time, they have become upset because Muslim beliefs are mentioned more in Christian beliefs in textbooks that Texas students haven't used since 2003. 


I can hardly wait to see what the right wing comes up with next.  It's said that if you don't laugh at these idiots, you'll cry, but I've just ended up laughing so hard I cried anyway. 

Dumbfuckery du Jour

The Priorities of PG&E.

When asking for a $5 million rate hike in 2007:

PG&E asked the PUC for permission for a $5 million rate hike to “replace a section of the same pipeline that blew up in San Bruno.” The PUC approved PG&E’s request, allowing it to hike its rates so that it could repair the line in 2009. 

When not using the $5 million rate hike to repair the dangerous pipeline:

While the company failed to spend the $5 million it took from customers in 2009 to repair the faulty pipeline, it did spend that exact same amount in the same year on bonuses for its executives, according to TURN. 

When asking for yet another $5 million rate hike to fix the dangerous pipeline in 2009:

In its request, PG&E warned that if “the replacement of this pipe does not occur, risks associated with this segment will not be reduced. Coupled with the consequences of failure of this section of pipeline, the likelihood of a failure makes the risk of a failure at this location unacceptably high.” Despite these admitted risks, the company could only promise to make its repairs by 2013.

What PG&E was spending its millions on in the meantime:

Calitics notes that while PG&E failed to use the millions it charged consumers in rate hikes to repair its pipeline, it did manage to spend millions of dollars supporting Proposition 16, which would've allowed it to secure its monopoly over the power sector in the state.

And this is what they say about spending the five million meant to fix the deadly pipeline on executive bonuses, and spending further millions that could've fixed the pipeline on trying to buy a monopoly instead:

Local news station KTVU asked PG&E President Chris Johns why his company failed to make the repairs on schedule, despite recognizing that the pipeline was a considerable risk and using a rate hike on consumer to do it. “Some things happen when we’re going down, and a year later maybe some other item becomes more emergent that we need to fix,” replied Johns. “And so that’s why we will redirect funds to take care of the things that are urgent today, and then go back and say what are the things that are urgent tomorrow.”

Four people died and several were critically injured, while hundreds of others lost everything they had, because these assclowns didn't think that pipeline was "urgent today."  Except, of course, when they were asking for more cash from their customers.

I'm not a huge believer in the death penalty.  Not for individuals.  But some corporations need to be put down like rabid dogs.  PG&E is one.  Send its executives to the unemployment lines, shut it down, and put people in charge of the utilities who believe that the things that are urgent today are the lives and safety of human beings, not the already-overflowing bank accounts of executives and manipulating the political system to further engorge an already engorged company.

These fucktards are beyond despicable.  There should be no place for them in a civilized society.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Primary Day is a very dangerous day.

In Delaware, the Teabagging hoardes overthrew the sometimes-sane Mike Castle in favor of a candidate who believes there's just as much evidence supporting Young Earth Creationism as there is evolution, says condoms can't stop AIDS, thinks coed dorms will lead to "orgy rooms", and wouldn't have lied to Nazis to save a Jew.  Among other insanity.  At least she'll be entertaining, but I hope to fuck the people in Delaware are smart enough not to let the Teabaggers propel this moron to victory.

In New York, Teabaggers ensured Andrew Cuomo faces off against a man whose pasttimes include sending out racist, pornographic emails, and who thinks the poor belong in prison.

You probably heard quite a bit of screaming Tuesday night.  That was because the Dems were screaming for joy, unable to believe their luck, while Republican Party officials were howling, "We have to support what?"  The Republican slate of candidates is now almost exclusively filled with freaks, lunatics, and incredibly fucking stupid people, and Cons know that once the non-Teabagging cadre of voters gets a good look at what's on offer, they might run screaming to the other party no matter how disillusioned they've become.  What was supposed to be a banner year for the Cons is rapidly turning in to a test of the Cons' ability to sell insanity to the sane.  The NRSC and others don't seem to be terribly happy about it.

To which Steve Benen says, "Reap what you sow, you silly fuckers. Suck it!"  Although he puts it in somewhat more polite terms.

I hope you had a few metric tons of popcorn and several thousand gallons of butter handy, my darlings.  We shall need it this fall.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

It's weird.  Cons are getting their arses kicked in primary after primary by batshit fucking insane freaks, and yet they seem to have this overconfidence problem.  They're utterly positive they're going to win big in November.  So positive, it seems, that they have no qualms showing their true colors.

They're throwing something of an orgy.  Not to put too fine a point on it, but it seems they're relishing some corporate dick-sucking.  Why, today, Cons voted in lockstep to keep very burdensome IRS reporting requirements in place for small businesses.  Is it because they're throwing a tantrum over their pet proposed fix having gone down in flames?  No.  It seems they threw a tantrum because the sensible fix would have reduced subsidies to oil companies.  That's right.  Businesses of all shapes and sizes will find themselves struggling to satisfy the tax man, but that's okay to these Cons, because we couldn't possibly pull oil companies' mouths away from the public money fire hose.

How that one squares with Teabagger anti-IRS rhetoric is a mystery to me.  Feel free to speculate.

Then we had Sen. Johanns telling small businesses they "need another loan like they need a kick in the pants."  This must be a thrilling statement to all those small businesses needing loans so they can expand, meet payroll and all that. 

Sen. Mitch McConnell's been in rare form.  He made this incredible statement:

"We can't let the people who've been hit hardest by this recession and who we need to create the jobs that will get us out of it foot the bill for the Democrats' two-year adventure in expanded government."

Now, considering that the only people who are going to see any sort of tax cut expiration under the Dems' plan are those who are already making a shitload of money, that's a pretty amazing thing to say.  "Hit hardest"?  Why, according to Mitch McConnell, those of you who've lost your jobs altogether, who are struggling to put food on the table, who are losing your homes to foreclosure, you're all doing just fine.  It's those poor rich people who maybe can't afford the third mansion and the yacht who're really suffering.


And as if that belief isn't amazing enough, he also believes it's a good idea for Cons to fight against tax breaks for the middle class.  If the filthy rich can't keep their tax cuts, McConnell's reasoning goes, then the middle class and the poor can go fuck themselves and lose theirs, too.  Interesting.  I wonder what the Taxed-Enough-Already crowd will have to say when their tax bill comes up and it's all Mitch's fault?  He must be counting on their native stupidity to help him sell the idea it's all the Dems' fault.  And while I'll admit Teabaggers can look and act pretty fucking stupid, I'm not sure they're quite that stupid.  Dangerous game you're playing there, Mitch.  And while you might fool all of the Teabaggers some of the time, I think you're going to find the swing voters taking a swing away from you and yours if this little stunt succeeds.  They may be pissed at Dems for, well, nearly everything just now, but when the Cons in Congress so blatantly stand with the rich against the middle class, not to mention directly affect the middle-class pocketbook, well, those angry independents might discover they're not all that pissed off Dems after all.

I know that Dems are the champions in turning a winning situation into a losing one, but it seems like the Cons are scrambling hard to match up.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Can Cons really get any more hypocritical and ridiculous?  Haley Barbour is suddenly of the opinion that tax cuts must be paid for - if they're tax cuts suggested by those dirty Dems, that is:

Yesterday, in an attempt to reach out to Republicans and jump start the economy, President Obama proposed new tax breaks for businesses, which would allow them to write off the cost of new investment in plants and equipment through 2011. 

[snip]

In an interview with the National Review, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour (R), whom Politico recently dubbed “the most powerful Republican in politics,” called Obama’s proposal “very good.” However, in keeping with the GOP’s reflexive opposition anything to Obama supports, Barbour said the “problem” with Obama’s plan is that “we do not know how he will pay for it“...

You've got to be fucking kidding me.  This is the party of tax cuts pay for themselves.  The party of "you should never have to offset cost" of tax cuts.  The party of tax cuts "expand tax revenue."  The party of the Tax Fairy.  This is the party that has been wailing and screaming and howling for tax cuts, positive that our every woe requires nothing more than a good tax cut to fix it, and damn the expense - until the President of the United States is a Democrat proposing tax cuts, in which case tax cuts maybe aren't so magical and must be paid for.  ZOMG WTF???

Double fucking standards, anyone?

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Republicans have somehow convinced enough people that taxes = pure evil to make increasing taxes well-nigh impossible.  Witness the fruits of their labor:

A month ago, the New York Times reported that cash-strapped states and municipalities are resorting to "major life-changing cuts in core services." This includes four-day weeks for public schools, local bus systems being shut down, and turning off streetlights in Colorado Springs. The report came on the heels of a Wall Street Journal piece about several state governments cutting back on paved roads, because they can only afford gravel. More recently, we learned that struggling public schools, finding their budgets slashed, used to simply require students to bring in glue, scissors, and crayons. They're now demanding that families provide everything from paper towels to garbage bags to liquid soap. In one instance, children are asked to even bring in toilet paper.

Today the NYT reports on "a nascent budget-balancing trend in municipal government: police and fire departments have begun to charge accident victims as a way to offset budget cuts."

Ambulance charges have long been common and are usually paid by health insurance, but fees for other responders are relatively new. The charge is variously called a "crash tax" or "resource recovery," depending on one's point of view. In either case, motorists are billed for services they may have thought were covered by taxpayers.

Sometimes the victim's insurer pays. But if it declines, motorists may face threats from a collection agency if they don't pay.

The AAA opposes such fees, said Jill Ingrassia, managing director for government relations and traffic safety advocacy. "Generally, we see that public safety services are a core government function that should be properly budgeted for with general taxes and not addressed by fees after the fact," she said.

Ms. Ingrassia says such charges can place an "undue burden on motorists who can't choose the size or duration of an emergency response," which means they cannot control the size of the bill they may get. "We also really don't want to discourage any motorist involved in a crash from calling for police or rescue services if they fear they are going to be billed for it," she said.

Now, I'm sure Cons will start babbling about how charging accident victims enforces personal responsibility, makes us drive more carefully, and that accident-free people shouldn't have to pay for other people's bad driving.  They'll repeat such tropes ad nauseum  - right up until they're the ones in an accident, when they'll instantly start shrieking about how outrageous it is to have to pay for a police response.  Not that they'll see the light and authorize a tax increase to pay for basic emergency services - they'll just demand we do something like let poor people starve to death in the streets (but not any streets where sensitive Cons might see their icky dead bodies).  Budget cuts, we're told, are the solution to every governmental budget woe - as long as those cuts only impact the icky poor people who do awful things like vote for Democrats.

Quite soon, we'll start hearing about how emergency services would do much better if they were privatized, as the free market is almost godlike in its ability to solve our every problem.  City and state governments, they'll say, should contract with private entities for the provision of fire and police services.  Why, that would be almost as good as cutting programs meant to help icky poor people out of the budget!  Someone should explain the history of private firefighting to them and ask if they're pining for a return to those halcyon days of private enterprise.

Something tells me they still won't get it even when they're house is burning down and the private companies are too busy fighting over who's going to put out the fire to actually put out the fire, but one can always hope that a tiny spark of sense will ignite somewhere in the depths of what passes for their brains.

I don't hold out much hope, however.  We are talking about a group of morons who believe that $50 billion for infrastructure improvements is an outrageous, unaffordable expense (probably because it's already paid for by removing minuscule amounts of public money from private oil companies), while around $800 billion in tax cuts for the fabulously wealthy is a bargain.  You cannot reason with people whose math skills are only equaled by Dr. Evil's.

And in the must-be-seen-to-be-believed category, watch Teabaggers and Con candidates rally round a man who thinks stringing up murdered gays is an excellent decorative idea.  I'm sure these folks could be a lot more offensive, disgusting and morally bankrupt.  It's just hard to imagine how.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

How many Cons does it take to keep us from changing a lightbulb (h/t)?

Unemployment remains at record highs. The economy is stuck in a rut. The US is still fighting wars on two fronts and constant threats to security here at home. But the real menace facing America? The looming phase-out of incandescent light bulbs.

That's the second-biggest threat to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness (after healthcare reform)—at least if you're Erick Erickson. The Red State blogger has launched a campaign to save the old-school bulbs, which, under the 2007 energy bill, are set to begin phasing out in 2012 in favor of more energy-efficient compact florescent bulbs. Erickson wants to "get every Republican out there to pledge their support to saving the incandescent light bulb when they take back Congress."

What a putz.  Focusing the energies of Congress on saving the incandescent light bulb is Erick Erickson's #1 priority.  I wonder if he also ran a campaign to save chalk from dry erase markers and the daguerreotype from the camera. 

Now, this would be ridiculous enough, except that there are no sane Republicans left in Congress.  Michele Bachmann and Ted Poe have already begun the crusade to save the world from the horror of energy-saving bulbs.  I can only imagine there will soon be a stampede.  Tea Partiers everywhere will be calling for the restoration of our right to use outdated bulb technology.  Cons will speechify on the stump, promising to overturn this hideous threat to our precious liberty.

Ah, well.  If it distracts them from the rabid Islamophobia and trying to repeal health care reform, I suppose we can count it good.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

I didn't intend to write much about pollyticks this weekend, seeing as how it's a holiday and everything.  But this is just too extreme to ignore:

First up from the God Machine this week is a good example of the larger dynamic among political conservatives this year, with competing contingents split between secular economic issues and religious culture-war issues. For much of the right, the emphasis on issues like taxes and health care should remain the focus, especially in the midterm elections, but as we saw last week, self-proclaimed moralists also have a religious war in mind.

It's leading some Republican officials to shape campaign messages built around notions of "righteousness."

The head of the Hawaii Republican Party is calling GOP Lt. Gov. James "Duke" Aiona the only "righteous" gubernatorial candidate while urging pastors to bar Democrat Mufi Hannemann from campaigning in their churches.

In an undated e-mail that came to light Sunday in three Hawaii political blogs, Jonah Kaauwai also wrote that a vote for Hannemann or Democrat Neil Abercrombie is "succumbing to fear and advancing unrighteousness."

The e-mail frequently cites Bible verses and uses other religious language to allege that Hannemann deceptively wants to visit church services to boost his support in the Sept. 18 Democratic primary.

"Duke will win because the church has been behind him the entire time operating in the POWER and the AUTHORITY of the NAME OF JESUS!" stated Kaauwai's lengthy e-mail. [emphasis in the original]

Kaauwai added that Hannemann does not deserve voters' support because he's shown "no signs" of being "controlled by the Holy Spirit." He also described the Republican candidate's campaign as "Christ's opportunity."

Just to be clear, the letter wasn't written by some odd televangelist, but rather, the head of a statewide Republican Party -- who apparently believes in some kind of evangelical religious test for public office.

Note: these are the same fucktards screaming about sharia law and dictatorships and so forth.  Then they turn around and spew this frothing fundie bullshit.  If these assholes had their druthers, they'd set up a Christian theocracy in this country in about a tenth of a second.

They're not even trying to hide it anymore.

American Taliban indeed.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

All I want to do is spend time with my new books.  I want to sit surrounded by them, and page lovingly through them, lingering here and there on a page or a photo.  Oh, and I want to change the blade on my razor, since I finally found blades at a somewhat less than obscene price.  So what happens?  Today, the stupid overfloweth.  Argh.

So difficult to choose which deserves the tender attentions of the Smack-o-Matic.  So many excellent targets to choose from, so little time.

Let's start with a little news from my former home state.  Over the years I lived there, I saw plenty o' lame in Arizona politicians - we are, after all, the state that has foisted Jon Kyl, J.D. Hayworth, and John McCain upon this poor nation, among a great many others so painfully stupid that one wonders how a state so beautiful can elect so many dumbfucks.  But Jan Brewer is vying for the title of Dumbshit of the Decade.

Folks, we are talking about a governor - an actual sitting governor - who can't even make a simple opening statement in a debate:

It really is bizarre, and kind of painful to watch. An opening statement is the easy part -- a quick introduction, highlight a few talking points, something about getting stuff done, ask for support, and move on. It's the part of a debate in which folks tend to memorize a short spiel so they come across as competent and set a good impression for the rest of the debate.

Brewer just had a breakdown of sorts. Worse, she seems to be referring to notes in front of her -- which would seemingly tell her what to say if she forgets -- but which didn't help.

By my count, there's a full nine seconds in which a stumped Brewer says literally nothing. That may not sound like a long time, but on the air, during a debate, it's an eternity.

Video at the link.  But wait!  There's more!

During an exchange on the economy, state Attorney General Terry Goddard, the Democratic gubernatorial nominee, noted that it doesn't help the state when its governor tells the nation that Arizona is a dangerous place, unsafe for tourists and investors. He was referencing an incident in which Brewer insisted that immigrants entering the U.S. illegally are responsible for "beheadings" in the Arizona desert. The governor appears to have just made the claim up out of whole cloth, as part of a larger attempt at shameless demagoguery.

During the debate, Brewer refused to comment on her own allegations, so after the event, reporters followed up. The frighteningly unprepared governor, unable to think of a response, froze, said nothing, and then literally fled.

Friends.  Countrymen.  Arizonans.  If you elect this nitwit, thus condemning my beautiful former state to several more years of inane Con artistry wrapped up in a ball of burning stupid, I shall never ever forgive you. 

In other news, Sheriff Joe's getting his ass sued by the DOJ.  Good.

And, in case you haven't had your fill o' burning stupid, Mr. Dan "Bike Riding Programs Are a Dastardly UN Plot for WORLD DOMINATION!!1!!!" Maes is at it again, this time spinning hair-raising tales of his daring deeds in the Kansas Bureau of Investigation.  Perhaps he got reality confused with a novel he's read, because he never actually worked for the Kansas Bureau of Investigation.

Where the hell does the GOP keep finding these morons?

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Mr. Alan "Social Security's Just A Bunch of Cow Tits" Simpson's at it again:

It was encouraging to see the Obama administration make it easier for veterans affected by Agent Orange to receive disability payments. This is a worthwhile move, and it reinforces the fact that this administration is committed to doing right by those who wear the uniform.

It was far less encouraging when Alan Simpson decided it was a good time to start mouthing off again.

The system that automatically awards disability benefits to some veterans because of concerns about Agent Orange seems contrary to efforts to control federal spending, the Republican co-chairman of President Barack Obama's deficit commission said Tuesday.

Former Wyoming Sen. Alan Simpson's comments came a day after The Associated Press reported that diabetes has become the most frequently compensated ailment among Vietnam veterans, even though decades of research has failed to find more than a possible link between the defoliant Agent Orange and diabetes.

"The irony (is) that the veterans who saved this country are now, in a way, not helping us to save the country in this fiscal mess," said Simpson, an Army veteran who was once chairman of the Senate Veterans' Affairs Committee.

Oh, I'm sorry, are our veterans' illnesses inconvenient for you, Alan Simpson?

Yup.  So are healthy, happy elderly folk.  In fact, Mr. Simpson seems to believe that the 98% of us who aren't filthy stinking rich should just get off his lawn.  It's rather difficult to believe that a former vet could be so callous towards his fellow vets, but then again, he served less than two years in Germany in peacetime, so it would seem he's never had to experience any actual medical issues from his service to his country.  Perhaps that's why he can so breezily demand that men who have already sacrificed too much sacrifice their health care as well.

It's hard to capture in words just what a rancid piece of leper donkey dick this man is.  Put it this way: one gets the sense that Stalin might back away from him after the above comments, muttering in awe, "Dude, that's harsh."

Dear Mr. President: it's well past time to fire his ass.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

I don't know whether to thank the Cons or scream:

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) has conceded defeat in her Republican primary, losing in a major upset to right-wing challenger Joe Miller. The primary was held last week, with Miller taking a 51%-49% lead in the election night count to the surprise of many observers. However, the final result was delayed by an extended period of absentee ballots arriving, with many of them counted earlier today.

So, this leaves us with yet another race in which the Dem will face not a staunch conservative lackwit, but a batshit frothing insane conservative fucktard who thinks Social Security and Medicare are illegal, would condemn states to fiscal ruin, and says "we haven't heard" that humans are responsible for the current drastic global warming trend.  The "we" he's talking about may not have heard about it, but only because their heads are so far up their own asses all they're hearing is the sound of their own wind.

If I felt better about Dems' chances this fall, I probably wouldn't mind so much.  But the American public is in a throw-the-bastards-out mood, and I'm not sure many general election voters are paying attention to more than the letter after the candidate's name.  This means that we may end up with a herd of certifiably crazy morons and one hell of a feedback loop.

Those who don't believe things can get much, much worse are in for a very rude shock indeed if the Crazy Caucus finds its way to the halls of power. 

Dumbfuckery du Jour

And the horsemen of hypocrisy keep on ridin'.  Short story: NJ's Education Commissioner, Bret Schundler, managed a cock-up of astounding proportions, thus losing New Jersey a shitload of education funding.  Gov. Chris Christie threw a screaming fit, claiming the Obama administration's bureaucracy was to blame (it manifestly wasn't). 

We'll stop right there for a sec.  Christie, who is a Con fucktard, was howling over not getting big guvmint largesse.  Yes, a Con wanted federal money.  Yes, the same Con who swore up and down he wouldn't take federal money if it had strings attached (and one can't imagine this chunk o' change came without strings) threw a fit over not getting federal money.  But that's not the hypocrisy that caught my attention at first.  This is:

Christie, now having been caught misleading the entire state about what transpired, got rid of his education commissioner today.

And then there's the interesting part.

[Schundler] said he was asked to resign, but he requested to be fired instead so he could collect unemployment insurance.

"I have a mortgage to pay and a daughter about to start college," he said.

So, to summarize, Schundler, a far-right Republican, screwed up and cost New Jersey $400 million in education grants. But his top concern, upon being shown the door, is qualifying for unemployment benefits -- which his far-right brethren don't think should exist.

My goodness, how attitudes change when the unemployment check's in the other wallet.

Bonus Dumbfuckery: Mississippi hasn't got the memo about our post-racial society.  And the AFA's attempting to install frothing fundie judges to get rid of those horrible gay-lovin' libruls in Iowa, which makes this a good time to point out how psychotic they are.  A sample:

• Claiming gay people cause Biblical plagues:  AFA’s Maine director even attributes everything from graffiti to burglarized cars to crop failure and the absence of the sun to gay people.  No word yet on whether plagues of frogs and locusts also follow in gay people’s wake.

And freaks like these scream I should be proud to be an American.  Not when they're around, I'm not.  If we, by some horrid turn of fate, find ourselves in the same room with the AFA, I'm Canadian, eh?

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Memo to Gov. McDonnell and idiot friends thereof:  Taking $2.5 billion from the feds to balance your state budget does not make you a brilliant balancer:

The Wall Street Journal editorial board has an item today heralding Virginia Gov. Robert McDonnell's (R) $400 million budget surplus. According to the WSJ, it "proves" the efficacy of the Republican approach, and reminds federal policymakers to "employ the Virginia strategy."

In his ridiculous economic speech today, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) also singled out Bob McDonnell for praise, noting how impressive it was to see the Virginia Republican "balance his state's budget ... without raising taxes."

McDonnell himself has started patting himself on the back. Last week, he stopped by the Fox Business Network to boast about the greatness of his "conservative, fiscal, practical approach" to budgeting. McDonnell added his way is a model for reducing the "dependence of people on government." Fox Business described it as "an amazing story."

So amazing, in fact, that it deserves a closer look. Indeed, there's a key detail about Virginia's surplus that Republican leaders and their media outlets hope you'll overlook.

Gov. Bob McDonnell decries rising federal spending, but a handout from Washington is helping him balance Virginia's cash-strapped budget, a fiscal think tank says.

If not for $2.5 billion from President Barack Obama's economic-stimulus program, the state's shortfall would have swelled from more than $4 billion to nearly $5.5 billion, according to the Commonwealth Institute for Fiscal Analysis.

[snip]

Republicans consider this "an amazing story." That's not the adjective I'd use.

Oh, it's certainly the adjective I'd use.  It's amazing to me that Cons can be this bloody stupid, ungrateful, and blatant in their lying.

And here's something else amazing: Faux News and the lengths they'll go to in order to whip their dumbshit viewers into a frenzy:

My one wish out of all of this is that everyone who watches Fox News for news becomes aware that their second most invested shareholder is Arab and, yeah even I gotta admit, looks like a South Park Cartoon Terrorist. And Fox and Friends just got caught calling this co-owner of their parent company, Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, a "funder of radical madrassahs."

One wonders how Prince Alwaleed bin Talal will feel about his money going to an organization that subsequently smears him as a terrorist (though they were careful not to mention said "funder of radical madrassahs" by name because, y'know, the average Faux News viewer can be trusted not to be able to add 1 and 1).

Bing's rant on this is epic.

Dumbfuckery du Jour

Way to go, fucktards:

For nearly eight years, the right had a simple mantra when it came to defending the Bush/Cheney White House against criticism from the left: liberals were emboldening terrorists. If there was another large-scale attack, it'd be our fault.

It's hard to overstate how common this was. The left was constantly reminded that al Qaeda had access to modern communications, and could monitor American media. If Democrats, liberals, and other Bush detractors made us appear divided in a time of crisis, and sent a signal to the world that the Commander in Chief lacked Americans' support, we'd look weak and invite terrorism. Progressives in America, the argument went, were -- deliberately or not -- helping our enemies.

In the summer of 2010, it's interesting to see just how much has changed.

Islamic radicals are seizing on protests against a planned Islamic community center near Manhattan's Ground Zero and anti-Muslim rhetoric elsewhere as a propaganda opportunity and are stepping up anti-U.S. chatter and threats on their websites.

One jihadist site vowed to conduct suicide bombings in Florida to avenge a threatened Koran burning, while others predicted an increase in terrorist recruits as a result of such actions. [...]

A U.S. official on Sunday said the administration was taking the upswing in anti-U.S. chatter seriously. "Terrorists like al-Qaeda and its violent allies are motivated already to try to attack the United States, but when it comes to propaganda, extremists are pure opportunists. They'll use whatever they can," the official said.

And the right is giving them all kinds of fodder to work with, isn't it?

"We are handing al Qaeda a propaganda coup, an absolute propaganda coup," with the Islamic-center controversy, said Evan Kohlmann, an independent terrorism consultant at Flashpoint Partners who monitors jihadist websites.

So, you hystiCon fuckwits, I do not ever again want to hear how anyone on the left is emboldening terrorists or letting the terrorists win.  I do not want to hear a single peep cross your lips about respecting the President of the United States no matter what kind of jackass you all managed to get elected.  I want you to remember that the instant a President took office with a D rather than an R after his name, you all forgot your "patriotic" rhetoric and practically started writing al Qaeda's recruitment pamphlets for them. 

I expected no less of all of you, considering you stood by and cheered for eight years while Bush the Younger and his sidekick Darth Cheney shat regularly upon the Constitution.  You've practically made xenophobia into a religion.  But the last remaining hope I have is that somewhere in the pea-sized rotted smear of gray matter that can only be referred to as a brain due to its location within your skulls, you realize that what little authority you had to babble about "freedom" and tell the left to STFU lest the terrorists win has perished like a snowflake in a blast furnace.

Of course, I'll be expecting your usual hypocrisy.