Calling All Captains!

(Postdated for what I hope are obvious reasons)

We're down to the final week, and all captains appear to be having a rather fraught month. Meaning: to avoid imposing the Duty on a frantically busy Elitist Bastard, I've had to get creative.

So here's what we're gonna do.

We'll sail from the Carnival's blog this month. Or, more precisely, we won't sail: we'll do a Naval Academy/Maneuvers theme, wherein we're back at base to train. This gives everybody some breathing room, and most importantly, allows everyone to ride the wake of PZ's fame once he's taken the helm in July.

Everyone who's volunteered to captain the ship has a simple assignment: send me a one-paragraph bio by Friday. Introduce yourself to the crew. Tell us what kind of Elitist Bastard you are. Touch on your special area of expertise, say something rousing that'll get the crew all fired up and ready to fight, tell us why you decided to volunteer to take the helm; be creative, or snarky, but above all be you.

It doesn't have to be long. It doesn't have to be profound. And if you absolutely can't think of anything or don't have enough time to do so, just give me a few bits about yourself that you'd like me to whip up into a nice introduction. You'd be amazed at what I can do with a list like, "Hi, name's Bob, software engineer, hobby's cat shaving."

Send it on to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com, and I'll thread your bio into the narrative.

I'll have the schedule of captains up by the end of the week. Muchos gracias to all who volunteered!

And no, for all of you who wanted to muster for this outing, it's not too late to get your submissions in. Send them on to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com. The deadline's not until end of day Friday. We've got many incredible submissions, but that doesn't mean I'm not a greedy bastard: I want more!

Right? Right. Let's do this Elitist Bastard thing!