Figure I'll take the opportunity to tell a funny story. Considering the mush that my brain is after a week of unmitigated chaos, it's about all I can manage for you lot.
After the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, I decided to do Captain Jack Sparrow. Took some doing, that - had to make most of the costume myself, as it hadn't yet achieved the kind of popularity that leads to ready-made items affordable on my pathetic salary. A friend sewed the shirt, a little patience with craft store beads and dollar store jewelry got me the hair pieces, and spirit gum, a wizard's beard, and fun with scissors gave me the facial hair. Duly kitted, I went to work that Halloween, and promptly had my lesbian supervisor disturbed as hell. Turns out Johnny Depp's the only man she's attracted to. A lot of the other women at work demanded pics. All good fun.
I stopped by the grocery store for (what else?) a bottle of Captain Morgan's before going on to a friend's party after work. I'd just collected my bottle and turned for the exit when a girl sidled up to me, wrapped her arm around my shoulders, and said in her sultriest voice, "Hi."
I looked deeply into her eyes and smiled.
She took a closer look at my face. A puzzled expression, a double-take, and then total mortification flashed across hers as she figured out my actual gender. She dropped her arm, took a brisk step away, and stammered, "I'm sorry!"
I wasn't. I bowed, gave her my best Captain Jack grin, and strutted out the door.
And that, my darlings, is why once every year, I'm grateful for being flat-chested.
And that, my darlings, is why once every year, I'm grateful for being flat-chested.
4 comments:
I've uploaded the full-size original to that same page, so when you print it be sure to get that version (here). Refresh your browser if the small one still shows up.
And if you send me a larger version of the pirate photo, I'll swap it in for the blown-up JPEG I snagged from ur blog. (Then again, the compression artifacts kind of add to Jack's seedy, rakish look...)
That is priceless!
The first time you posted that photo I thought "Wow, that looks familiar".
I've just realized why. In that photo (with the longish hair and the bit of fluff on the chin, the slim build and the slightly angular features), you look so much like my friend Tim (except he's really tall).
@Woozle: you rock! I'll see what the compression artifacts do when I print out a full-size version (which will have to wait for me to either replace my color cartridge or drag my happy ass to Staples, argh), but thanks for offering to modify with the original if that doesn't turn out well!
@Karen: Absolutely! I've been bragging about this thing all day. Good thing it's online forever now, or I'd have a hard time choosing between saving it or my cat in a fire.
Okay, so not really, but tears would have been shed. I really liked that cat. ;-P
@Efrique: I'm choosing to take that as a compliment...
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