Wasn't There Supposed to be a Rapture First?

Damn. And to think I had plans to go to a Julia Sweeney movie with a bunch of skeptics on Friday. Looks like it's the last thing I'll ever do:

An elusive group just outside of Abilene, Texas is claiming the end of the world is coming in less than a week.

The House of Yahweh recently gave ABC reporter Brian Ross access to their west Texas compound. Yahweh leader Yisrayl Hawkins says a nuclear holocaust will come June 12th and only members of his group will be saved.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this doesn't quite follow the Bible's version of events, does it? Everybody on earth dies tomorrow except for a handful of Texas twits? I seem to recall that we heathens would get to have our bit o' fun, first.

But that's not the funniest part:

Hawkins has predicted a doomsday twice before.

A doomsday, you see, not the doomsday. The other two were just warm-ups. You know, the prophetic version of practice shots. It's too bad the article doesn't tell us what those doomsdays were - that could've provided us endless entertainment.

Ed Brayton said it best when he said, "Here's a simple rule I find useful: if you belong to a religious group that has a 'compound,' things are not going to end well." Which may mean that poor ol' Yisrayl Hawkins has it bass ackwards as far as who survives.

Of course, this brings to mind two very appropriate songs. You know what's coming, don't you? Of course you do:






Ooo, and a bonus Tom Lehrer I've never heard before!