Dear Ken Ham: You Suck Leper Donkey Dick

This requires escalation.

Dear Ken Ham:

You are the boil on the ass of humanity. You're an infantile fuckwit whose insistence on the truth of fairy tales promotes nothing but ignorance and hate. I've known syphillitic penises smarter than you (and this is after the disease has progressed to general paresis). You, sir, suck leper donkey dick, and moreover I believe you swallow.

America has imported some shoddy products, but even the melamine-tainted pet food was of more benefit to this country than you. At least the pets who survived the onslaught retained their brain function and had full tummies. The poison you spew is far more dangerous than any amount of lead-based paint or corrupted cat chow: at least those things are not pushed upon the population under the guise of "religion." If ever a case could be made for screening and rejecting immigrants based on general stupidity, you would be Exhibit A.

You have infected this country like ebola. Answers in Genesis was foul enough, but at least school children weren't likely to have their young brains mashed into pious pulp by the rampant fuckwittery there. But you had to open your Creation Museum, the most disgraceful building ever to squat on American soil, in order to indoctrinate innocent children with your Young Earth Creationist crap. For this, sir, you can never be forgiven. There is at present no cure for infections like you, but isolation and containment can still be employed, and I believe the bleach of extra-strong ridicule may be beneficial. Judging from the way you howl when it's applied, it does appear to have some effect, a fact for which I am grateful.

We should have applied these emergency measures before you got your pestilenial hands all over the Pentagon. This country has already suffered a long and devastating illness imposed by a born-again fucktard with God delusions galore. Our military is already sick with the disease of Christian proselytizing. It hardly needed a psychotic, lame-brained, willfully ignorant, incessant God-botherer such as yourself oozing his way into the highest military circles. But fanatics like you get aroused by others' pain, don't you? If your insanity infects the men with the missles and causes a global catastrophe, you'll believe it's "God's plan." You not only believe the Earth is young, you'd like to see it die that way.

Well, you lackwit, fantasy-prone, bonkers bonehead, I hope that if your supreme idiocy leads the boys with the bombs to make a spectacular mistake, you survive the ensuing fallout. I hope you're one of the sorry-ass motherfuckers who has to shamefacedly come up with yet more lame excuses as to why Jesus is late.

I'd tell you to get your despicable ass out of my country, but I wouldn't wish you on the rest of the world. May I just suggest, however, that you take your good news about Jesus to Saudi Arabia? I hear they're very eager to have Christian missionaries come visit. Put your money where your bloody mouth is, you insane son of a bitch, and try to impose your religion on the infidels. Go on. I double-dog dare you.

But you'd never do that. You're a pure fucking coward. You can't even face the evidence of evolution, for fuck's sake. You're nothing but a one-bit con man. You're just a sad little shyster who's unfortunately found a pool of willing victims, and you'd never do anything half so courageous as actually risk your pathetic life for your faith.

I have things growing in my toilet that are more of a boon to humanity than you. After all, science may someday be able to isolate a new antibiotic from those growths. No such luck with an infestation such as you.

Have I offended you? Good. The offense is mutual. Just ask Answers in Creation, Creation Ministries International, and all of the other Christians you've managed to piss off. They're just as annoyed as the scientists, atheists, and other rational human beings who have had to put up with your rancid stench.

Now fuck off.

Sincerely,
Dana Hunter