Expelled: a Boon to Humanity

Nonono, my darlings, there's no need to worry: I haven't seen the film and been converted. That's about as likely as me developing a deep and abiding love for my uterus. Considering I'd be first in line for a home hysterectomy kit, you can suss out the odds. They're roughly the same as a meteor landing in Times Square and dancing The Masochism Tango.

Not even going to see the film unless Mark Mathis brings me a free copy. That's right, Mathis: you want to convert my ass, you do it on your own dime, you slimy shit. You can send Mr. Dumbski down with the video - he's the boil on the butt of my city, so he wouldn't have a long drive. Let's see how your film stands up to a scientifically literate layperson, eh?

I think we all know how that's going to go.

But Expelled isn't unmitigated evil. It's an opportunity. And it's been a boon to many sectors of society.

Movie reviewers have gotten their first real challenge in years: how do you review a film that won't let potential critics screen it? Reading through the list of reviews on Expelled Exposed, I get the sense this is the first real fun they've had in years. No other movie has forced them to become spies. Not many movies present so many opportunities for mockery. Aside from actually having to suffer through the film, they seem to be enjoying themselves immensely.

Expelled has also led to a Cambrian Explosion of art. Let's just have a quick survey, shall we?

In drawing and photoshop, we have the classic "IDiot..." from Decrepit Old Fool. We have the excellent Yoko Ono as Kali, Stomping on Ben Stein from Secher Nbiw. Quidam's What? It's Not a Copy, Ours is brown! Midwifetoad's No Intelligents Allowed. And so much more!

In video, a plentitude of mockumentaries have sprung into being. RichardDawkins.net airs Sexpelled: No Intercourse Allowed. You can find FSM Expelled on YouTube.

Comics: Ben Stein's Career Goes Down the Toilet. Win Ben Stein's Intelligence.

Song: Bensteinian Rhapsody.

So. Much. More. This has been a mere smattering of the bounty, my darlings. A taste only.

And it doesn't end there.

Expelled's benefits to science could prove incalculable. The movie has tied Intelligent Design to religion with steel hawsers. Try denying it's all about God now. It's exposed the fact that ID is scientifically empty to a far wider audience than the Dover trial and any number of evolution sites have. It's proven that ID has to fall back on lies, fallicies, theft, politics and pleas to the churches to get into science class, because it can't get there on its own merits.

Many people who wouldn't have given two shits about evolution will now likely be curious just because of all the fuss. And there's an abundance of evolution sites to satisfy their curiosity. I'm sure an explosion of books, movies and lectures will follow. There's a hook, now: in exposing the antics of the Expelled crew and the Discovery Institute, there's a wonderful opportunity to slip real science in with the gory details. They wanted us to "teach the controversy?" Great! By all means, let us teach the controversy. It's amazing how much science you can learn when you're discovering why everything those assclowns say about evolution is wrong. Keeps it interesting, too.

We're not going to reach everyone. Plenty of folks will be happy to pretend that Expelled is purely the truth, because it feeds their persecution complex and their deep-rooted need to be lied to. But there are far more who will be pushed right over to our side because they've now seen the clothes stripped from the ID emperor. There's no pretending it's science now. They're not going to fall for fallacious arguments about Darwin = Hitler, Darwin = atheism, Darwin = evil. And they're going to understand now just what it is that's trying to sneak into their kids' science classrooms, and I doubt they'll like it one little bit.

This run-up to Expelled's release has helped us hone our responses. We're prepared. We have all the resources, wit and wisdom we'll ever need to help folks understand the difference between science and pseudoscience. So when they come stumbling out of Expelled feeling bludgeoned by the rampant stupidity, we'll be ready.

They've heard the lies. Now they'll be ready for the truth.

And we'll have Expelled to thank. How fucked up is that?


Update: Blue Collar Scientist has a fantastic compendium of reviews.