Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Plenty of red meat for us today, my darlings. Let us forgo bar food and dig in to some nice, juicy steaks (unless, of course, you plump for the vegetarian option).

You remember how a few days ago, I mentioned Tony Snow's joining CNN? Yeah. That Tony Snow. Mr. "My Nose is Glued to Bush's Buttocks" Snow. And I'm sure you're all wondering how he's doing.

Carpetbagger reports: Not too good.

Well, it appears that Snow is having a little trouble making the transition back to broadcasting, because CNN’s latest addition seems to think he’s still the White House press secretary.

Blitzer: What do you think about McCain’s decision yesterday? He was very forceful in making it clear he did not like the Bush administration’s handling of Katrina.

Snow: Of course he also doesn’t know a lot about what went on behind the scenes, but you would expect that. You’ve got somebody who’s running for a nomination. The president’s popularity ratings are low. He’s going to put a distance between himself and the president. Everybody hates what happened in Katrina, including the president.

I see, so Bush’s handling of Katrina was fine, and McCain is just making cheap criticism for crass electoral purposes.

Blitzer: Do you think he’ll be doing more distancing of himself on other issues?

Snow: I think he’ll do it when it’s easy. But on the other hand, there are things, like the war, where he’s agreed with the president…. Right now, Democrats have made it clear they don’t have any issue other than the fact they’re not George Bush. What McCain wants to be able to do is say, “Neither am I.”

Hmm. Democrats are running on their ideas regarding Iraq, healthcare, the economy, the environment, veterans’ issues, energy policy, foreign policy, and homeland security. They don’t, however, “have any issue other than the fact they’re not George Bush.” Why, this is the kind of insightful analysis you can only hear from CNN’s highly-paid political analysts — and any fourth-tier right-wing blog.

Oh, snap! Nice one, CB! Poor Tony's balls must be stinging just about now. Oh, wait, he's a conservative pundit: he doesn't have balls. Never mind.

A funny coinkydink, here: I stopped watching CNN many years back when they stopped reporting the news and started spouting conservative bullshit along with all the sensational marlarkey I've come to expect from the glossy tabloids. This ain't likely to win my viewership back.

Speaking of clueless media sorts, I found this fascinating:

We’ve all heard the expression, “90% of life is just showing up.” It seems to be the basis of an LA Times editorial today, praising John McCain’s week-long tour of small towns, urban areas, and other communities that have struggled economically for years. McCain appeared in impoverished areas in Alabama, Kentucky, Louisiana, and Ohio, and the LAT thinks that’s just great — even if he doesn’t have any intention of actually helping the families who live there.

[I]nstead of promising truckloads of aid if he’s elected, McCain talked up his vision of a government that helps more by doing less.

It’s not a new message from the Arizona senator, who follows an unpredictable political muse but typically favors smaller government and less regulation.

Excuse me. So sorry for the interruption - I just had to wipe my drink off the screen.

Unpredictable political muse? What the fuck are you assclowns talking about? His political muse is completely fucking predictable! It tells him to follow conservative talking points - except when he's lost a primary using those, so he should try to look Democratic in hopes of getting picked up as a VP. He's absolutely fucking predictable.

In fact, let me predict it right here: his political muse will tell him to keep sailing Republicon, with only minor, safe criticisms of Bush to snooker the Bush-is-anathema crowd, until the media stops saying he's a maverick. In that unlikely event, his muse will tell him to go do something mavericky but flip-flop on it later. Oh, and if the Democrats look to be winning, expect him to attempt to lock his nose onto their buttocks with the same glue Tony Snow's been using for the Bush Administration.

That's it. I'm sending my Muse to go beat the ever-loving shit out of his muse.

In election news, those who aren't satisfied with the current field of candidates now have a fourth option:

Alan Keyes appears to have locked up the Constitution Party’s nomination for president.

[snip]

I really want to see Alan campaign hard, especially in states like Iowa, Missouri, Ohio, Florida, New Mexico and New Hampshire. As you may know, Keyes is one of the great orators of our time, and he’s the genuine item: anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-public programs, anti-public schools, anti-civil liberties, anti-pretty much everything (except guns and Jesus – he’s very pro on those).

I never thought I’d say this, but I mean it sincerely: Give ‘em hell, Alan!

Everybody loves options! I especially love those options that siphon votes from McCain. So I'd just like to give Alan Keyes my blessing. Now, if we could just give him the Colbert Bump, we'd be set.

Update: It appears reports of Alan Keyes's victory were greatly exaggerated. As Morbo says, "Darn! I knew I shouldn't have trusted the MSM!" Chuck Baldwin has won the Constitution Party nomination. Who the fuck is Chuck? I have no idea. And if you ask me how many tugs on a dead dog's dick I give, the answer is, "Very few indeed."

Still, I think we should all let our die-hard conservative acquaintences know they have options.