I've just spent the last hour-and-a-half researching wedding shit for a scene I'm writing, and I can think of only two words: fucking paininthearse.
If I ever have the misfortune to have someone I actually love pop the question, the first thing I'll ask before even considering saying yes is, "Are you good with eloping?" If the answer is yes, then my answer might be yes. It depends on whether ye olde significant other plans to have a big reception later on or not. If not, then all is well.
This is some crazy shit we engage in when it comes to signing a few documents saying you're not longer a Miss.
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Damn straight.
P.S. I tried to suggest to my not-yet-spouse that we should have an Elopement Ceremony, part of which would go like this:
Wedding Official: Take now the Ladder and place it upon the Window Sill of the Bride and say unto her these words: "pssst, it's me."
I think the fact that she was less than enthusiastic about this idea should have been a warning sign.
Now I know what I want. I want an Elopement Ceremony. That is the most awesome thing ever.
You can do a small wedding without eloping, and have it come out really well. When we were married in 1980, we had a total of 16 people attend the ceremony (not including the neighbor cat who wandered into the church halfway through the ceremony). Our wedding was at 10 am, and it was followed by cake and punch on the church lawn. Very little fuss and mess, and while I did wear a simple wedding dress, that wasn't necessary. We could've all just dressed in our best outfits and been more comfortable as well as having the thing be a bit cheaper.
I've attended lots of lavish weddings, and at the end of the day those couples who throw such wedding are no more married than I am.
The marriage itself was just the minimum required -- the two of us, dressed informally, plus a friend and her future husband as witnesses.
Our marriage lasted 10 years. They're still married (almost 20 years now, whoa! ...they had a beautiful sunrise wedding at the beach, near his family's home, one or two dozen people at most), but it sounds like it's more from expedience to provide for the kids (3 of 'em) than for love or companionship. I'd have curled up in a ball and died a long time ago under those circumstances, I think.
If I were advising my past self, I'd say (at least) two things: (1) don't do it out of desperation; you just *think* you need this, but you don't; (2) communication -- what do you want out of life? What does she want? Are you comfortable with what she wants? Pay attention to warning lights; they're a sign that you need to ponder the situation.
I could write a book on this topic, I guess.
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