Coyne Pwns Palin With Pun

Only a biologist, my darlings, can pwn Palin with a pun like this:

Here’s her argument in all its glory:

“I believed in the evidence for microevolution—that geologic and species change occurs incrementally over time, (…) But I didn’t believe in the theory that human beings—thinking, loving beings—originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea. Or that human beings began as single-celled organisms that developed into monkeys who eventually swung down from trees; I believed we came about not through a random process, but were created by God.”

Leaving aside the tiresome misinterpretation that natural selection is “random” (where has any evolutionist said this?), this needs some robust rebuttal, which was provided by Jerry Coyne, in an e-mail published over at The Daily Beast:

“University of Chicago ecology and evolution professor at Jerry Coyne calls the passage in Palin’s book a “typical creationist ploy” easily refuted by fossil evidence suggesting transitions between animals as fish and amphibians or land animals and whales. “Her stand is basically a biblically oriented stand…that has no basis in fact,” Coyne told The Daily Beast in an e-mail. “It is a ridiculous ploy of the ‘duck kind,’ i.e. a canard.”

‘Nuff said.

Indeed.

I Know, I Know: You're Sick of Sarah. But Wait'll You Read The Teaser....

Sarah Palin, a Dead Parrot, and Scrotal Asymmetry

What does scrotal asymmetry have to do with Sarah Palin? At first, the answer might seem like a mystery and an enigma wrapped in a conundrum. But the real answer is within our grasp, and it reveals something about the unreality of American politics.

And astonishingly, it does.

Taught me something about male human anatomy, too...

Sarah Palin Word Salad Bar

I'm catching up on all the blog reading I missed whilst gallivanting around Arizona. I spent tonight on Canadian Cynic, where I came across the link to this exercise in agony. I feel so sorry for AKMuckraker, who actually subjected himself to 17 minutes' worth of Palin. At least I got to pause and go look at LOLcats when my brain started seeping out my ears:

So Ronald Reagan spoke to us then with us here in our hearts is where he reached us, and that's where he won the arguments and then, this was, this was the good part, we the American people through him, we imposed our will on Washington, and that is the way it's supposed to be.

(I think that sentence may get the "Word Salad Award.")

Our government is supposed to be working for us, we are not to be working for our government. It's our will to be imposed on them. (applause) He captured our hearts so he could affect positive change by what he did. He focused on our kids, on our children, on their future, on the future of America. And when he fought socialism and any sort of tyranny that he knew would ruin us, he stood strong on his knowing that the framework through which he believed that positive change that framework for our kids, it was freedom.

(Wait.....no....maybe it was that one)

Today the things that some in Washington would do to take away our freedoms, it's absolutely astounding, and we would do so well to look back on those Reagan years as he championed the cause for freedom and then he lived it out as our president - cheerfully, persistently and unapologetically. Reagan knew that real change and real change requiring shaking things up and maybe takin' off the entrenched interest thwarting the will of the people with their ignoring of our concerns about future peril caused by selfish short-sighted advocacy for growing government and digging more debt, and taking away individual and state's rights and hampering opportunity to responsibly develop our resources, and coddling those who would seek to harm America and her allies.

(Nope. It's definitely THAT one!)

Good thing we're not at a real salad bar, because I'd be lobotomizing myself with a fork just to make the pain stop.

As Lulu said:

Just think, boys and girls -- the Republican brain trust (and I use the term very loosely) actually believed this was someone capable of being one rather feeble heartbeat away from the presidency.

Scary, huh?

That's the exact thought that haunts my nightmares. Especially since these flaming fuckwits still think "Palin for President!" isn't a sick fucking joke. I guess she blinds them with bullshit.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a jelly mold for my poor melted brain. I'm hoping it'll reset overnight...

Horrifying Thought

Deargodspleasenoooooooo:

Asked Wednesday whether she still believed that Mr. Stevens should resign, Ms. Palin was circumspect, saying only that the people of Alaska “just spoke” on the issue at the ballot box and that “they want him as their senator.” She said Mr. Stevens should decide “what happens next.” (Mr. Stevens could still be forced to step down, and Ms. Palin is widely viewed as a potential candidate for his seat if he does.) [emphasis added]

You know something? If those are the choices - a convicted felon and Sarah Palin - I'd rather have the felon. At least Stevens is merely a corrupt fucking bastard rather than a batshit insane, lying, scheming, stealing, power-abusing, dead-ignorant, frothing fundie fucktard.

Could this be a gambit to ensure Stevens retains his seat?

Palin Pranked by Pretend President

Watch this in its entirety. Then, after you've picked your laughing ass off the floor, wiped the tears of mingled mirth and horror, and regained a semblance of composure, send it on to all of those relatives, coworkers, acquaintances and friends who have clung tenaciously to the idea that voting for McCain/Palin is the right thing to do for this country.



Ask them a single question afterward: do you really think that a woman naive enough to get suckered into thinking that two radio station comedians are actually the President of France and his aide, who despite clear signals that this is a prank doesn't catch on until they tell her, is equipped to handle foreign policy responsibilities in a dangerous world?

This woman isn't just stupid. She's terrifyingly stupid.

(Tip o' the shot glass to Scout Finch at Daily Kos)

Walking the Walk: Palin Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot

Sarah Palin's talent for fucking herself over every time she opens her mouth is truly mind-boggling:

"Here's the difference between John McCain and our ticket and Barack Obama and Joe Biden," she said. "We don't just talk the talk, we walk the walk. And that's why in not just that first speech, but in every speech I give, I talk about being an advocate and a friend in the White House for our families who have members who have these special needs." [emphasis added]

When asked by "gotcha" journalist Shelby Sheehan of KRNV just how she and McCain planned to walk the walk they were talking about, Palin tripped over her own feet:

Alaska Governor and Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin says autism is an issue "near and dear" to her heart and she can't wait to get to work helping more than 5,000 Nevada families affected by it. However, when pressed, she was unable to provide details on a plan to do that.

[snip]

"There are a lot of wasteful expenditures in the federal (government)," Palin said. "Let's get rid of those and put them into strengthening NIH (National Institutes of Health) and these other areas where we can help our kids with autism."

Palin did not name any specific expenditure she wanted to cut in favor of funding for autism research or services, nor did she name what specific programs she'd like to fund in order to help those families.

Sarah Palin walking the walk: epic fucking fail.

Shelby Sheehan perpetrating journalism upon her: priceless.

(Tip o' the shot glass to Kula2316 at Daily Kos, who also found the best quote o' the day: "Widespread antagonism toward Obama in mid August gave way in September to overwhelming horror over McCain picking Palin as his vice presidential nominee." I'm sure I have no idea why undecided voters in Florida would feel that way. Heh.)

Sarah Palin's Fuckwittery Knows No Bounds

I know, I know. I'm not telling you anything new. But there's fuckwittery, and then there's scummy fuckwittery, and then there's this kind of fuckwittery:

The Alaska governor told Ingraham’s listeners that if those questions were being answered, voters would find Obama “out of the mainstream,” adding that the Illinois senator would diminish “the prestige of the United States presidency.”

Sarah? Do you really want to talk about "diminish[ing] the prestige of the United States presidency"? I mean, do you really want to bring this up? Cuz we could go there, but I don't think you'd like the view.

Just sayin'.

(Tip o' the shot glass to Jackbauer8393 at Daily Kos)

A Ready Supply of Brownshirts

Decent people are baffled by atrocities. They want to believe that regular folks don't engage in horrible acts of mass violence. That attitude was pronounced in the years following the Holocaust: we in the West have a superiority complex, and we just couldn't imagine that ordinary Europeans took enthusiastic part in Hitler's Final Solution. His Brownshirts and the SS had to be filled with ranks of crazed, godless, evil fuckers, not average European citizens. Civilized people wouldn't do such things.

It's terrifying to realize that civilization is a thin veneer, that decency and humanity can so easily be stripped away by politicians playing on ordinary people's fears and insecurities. All it takes is a set of leaders giving people permission to unleash their inner demons on easy scapegoats. They blame an indentifiable minority for the country's ills: Jews, blacks, liberals. They whip up the hate. They work the crowd into a frenzy. And then, suddenly, ordinary people become a howling mob. Ordinary, civilized folks find themselves willing to do the unthinkable, because they've been given permission. It's normal. It's okay. It's patriotic:

It’s no wonder that the slightest incitement from Sarah Palin or John McCain will turn one of their rallies into a lynch mob. Just talk to the folks who attend.

My camera was rolling for literally seconds before people happily said to me, on camera, that Barack Obama is a terrorist. If I hadn’t spent most of my time at the event inside, waiting for the candidates to show up, I could have gotten dozens of these people on tape.

[snip]

I’ve been doing blog video for a while, and presidential rallies a lot longer. And this is the most strange, ignorant, uninformed, angry, up-to-no-good, and gullible group of people I’ve ever seen at a political rally.

Ever.

These people have been told for years that their lives are threatened by scary brown Islamofascists. They've been told that their problems are caused by the minorities taking over America. Then, when a man with a Kenyan father and a white mother runs for office, they're told he's a closet Muslim with a militant black pastor who befriends terrorists - and the easy conclusion is jumped to. They're terrified and primed to strike out. All they need is permission.

It seems McCain and Palin are more than willing to give them that permission for the sake of winning an election.

Of all the evil McCain's responsible for, this is the worst.

Don't Miss Your Chance to Interview Sarah Palin!

One thing McCain provided us with his disastrous pick: endless opportunities for amusement.

First we had the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator. Then we had the Gibson and Couric interviews. Assorted and sundry gaffes, misstatements, flotsam of the past rising up to sink her, protests, and a zillion other utterly unbelievable idiocies chronicled lavishly here and on other blogs.

Now, we have the Interview Palin site:

Q: What is the role of the US in Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: Iraq and Afghanistan will lead to war and it doesn't have to lead, as I said, to a Cold War. We must have good relationship with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to a position like we are a free and we have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the terrorists who are hell bent on destroying America and American troops are providing in his country. But no, the Pakistani people also, they want freedom. They want democratic values and tolerance and freedom. I see the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska.

Let's perform an experiment, shall we? Place a transcript from the Couric interviews - any question and answer you like - side-by-side with this randomly-generated gobbledygook and ask a sampling of people to try to figure out which is which. I'll just about guarantee you they'll do no better than chance.

These things are like bonbons. I'll just indulge in one more:

Q: Why should the US elect Senator McCain?

A: John McCain has a great plan to get in there and fix it. It is for no more politics as usual. And somebody's big, fat resume maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yes, they've had opportunity to change, and who's actually done it? That's something that John McCain had pushed for, more troops? A counterinsurgency strategy?" And he said, "yes." And he also showed great appreciation for what America needs today.

Delicious!

Palin Sez: Who the Hell's Hamas?

Sarah Palin on Hamas:



Oh, yeah. Those are some serious foreign policy chops. You betcha.

I invite you to look up the definition of "word salad." I believe Sarah Palin is suffering from a political form of it. If you run across any ignorant fools who are enamored of Palin, you might want to ask them if they want an incoherent fuckwit in charge of national security.

Just sayin'.

(Tip o' the shot glass to Cenk Uygur at Daily Kos)

Biden vs. Palin: a Preview

This video should tell you exactly who's bringing the sizzle and who's bringing the steak to tonight's debates:


Biden can discuss Supreme Court decisions intelligently and in depth. Palin vomits forth a loosely-connected stream of platitudes, personal impressions, and smoke.

There is no contest here. Palin is not the droid you are looking for.

Couric Plays Pin the Question on the Politician

You know how the McCain campaign keeps reminding me of a circus? Now picture a clown being chased around the ring by someone trying to beat them with a bladder, and you have a good approximation of Katie Couric's latest interview with Sarah Palin:

Global warming: Couric asked Palin if she believes global warming is the result of human activity. Palin dodged the question, talking about having formed "a sub-cabinet" to focus on climate change in Alaska. Couric asked again. Palin responded, "You know there are, there are man's activities that can be contributed to the issues that we're dealing with now, these impacts. I'm not going to solely blame all of man's activities on changes in climate. Because the world's weather patterns are cyclical."

Abortion: Couric asked, "If a 15-year-old is raped by her father, do you believe it should be illegal for her to get an abortion, and why?" Palin dodged, explaining that she's "pro-life," and wants to help "women who find themselves in circumstances that are absolutely less than ideal." Couric asked again. Palin dodged again, before saying she's uncomfortable with sending a woman to jail for having an abortion. "That's nothing I would ever support," she said.

Contraception: Since Palin mentioned reducing the number of abortions, Couric asked about the morning-after pill. Palin dodged. Couric asked again, and Palin dodged again. Couric asked a third time, and Palin would only say, "[P]ersonally, I would not choose to participate in that kind of contraception."

Homosexuality: Couric asked about her church sponsoring a conference about making gay people straight through prayer. Palin said she didn't know if prayer could change a person's sexual orientation, adding, "I have one of my absolute best friends for the last 30 years happens to be gay, and I love her dearly. And she is not my 'gay friend,' she is one of my best friends, who happens to have made a choice that isn't a choice I would have made." (In other words, Palin believes sexual orientation is a "choice" people make?)

I'm sure Katie's getting sick of repeating herself by now. You can tell from her expression that she feels like she's trying to elicit a clear answer from a particularly dense toddler.

All of this dodging and weaving tells me something. Sarah Palin knows how noxious her ideas and beliefs are to mainstream Americans. And she's too fucking greenhorn to know how to give an answer that sounds like an answer that doesn't actually answer the question, but keeps the pol from looking like an absolute moron. That combination in the White House would lead to untold amounts of pain for any thinking person in this country.

And by thinking, I mean any person with the brain capacity to form one single coherent thought per day.

Will someone please convince this disaster to go back to Alaska and leave us in peace? She's a national joke. Why wouldn't she want to go home where she's liked and wanted?

As the Anchorage Daily News wrote in a blistering op-ed over the weekend: "Is it too much to ask that Alaska's governor speak for herself, directly to Alaskans, about her actions as Alaska's governor?" One longtime observer - a Palin fan who says she's done "brilliant" things in the state - worried aloud to me over coffee in downtown Anchorage that allowing the McCain campaign to antagonize both parties in the legislature on Palin's behalf could even lead to her eventual impeachment, if her bid to become Vice President fails and she returns to the state with a little less political luster.

Oh. Right. Well, never mind, then.

Sarah Palin: Foreign Policy (Avoidance) Expert

So. We all know Sarah Palin can practically see Russia from her window, and that makes her the World's Leading Expert on all things foreign policy. She sez so:

COURIC: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land -- boundary that we have with -- Canada. [...]

COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.

PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our -- our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia --

COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We -- we do -- it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where -- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is -- from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to -- to our state.

And so, it's probably fair to ask: what has Sarah Palin done to further US/Russian relations? Bugger all:

Opportunities abound for Alaska governors to engage in Russian diplomacy, with the state host to several organizations focusing on Arctic issues. Anchorage is the seat of the Northern Forum, an 18-year-old organization that represents the leaders of regional governments in Russia, as well as Finland, Iceland and Canada, Japan, China and South Korea.

Yet under Palin, the state government — without consultation — reduced its annual financial support to the Northern Forum to $15,000 from $75,000, according to Priscilla Wohl, the group's executive director. That forced the forum's Anchorage office to go without pay for two months.

Palin — unlike the previous administrations of Gov. Frank Murkowski and Gov. Tony Knowles — also stopped sending representatives to Northern Forum's annual meetings, including one last year for regional governors held in the heart of Russia's oil territory.

"It was an opportunity for the Alaska governor to take a delegation of business leaders to the largest oil-producing region in Russia, and she would have been shaking hands with major leaders in Russia," Wohl said.

Take a moment to digest this. Sarah Palin could have met with world leaders, could have supported US foreign policy, and could have furthered neighborly relations with a variety of countries, and pissed it all away.

And now she wants us to believe she has foreign policy experience.

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

I Do Believe McCain's Set a New Record for Dumbfuckery

It's been quite the day for the McCain campaign. I don't think any presidential campaign in the history of America has ever had this many missteps, embarrassments, lies, gaffes, and damn fool moves in a single week. McCain's managed it in one day.

The sad thing is, the following list is probably far from exhaustive. But I'll do my best.

After slamming Obama for non-existent ties to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac executives, the campaign had to engage in some desperate damage control after it was revealed that campaign manager Rick Davis's lobbying firm had been paid $15,000 a month by none other than Freddie Mac:

Today, McCain campaign spokesperson/blogger Michael Goldfarb published a 700-word response to the news, and by any reasonable measure, the statement is a complete mess. In the very first sentence, Goldfarb says the reports charge that Davis "was paid by Freddie Mac until last month," which Goldfarb insists is false. Actually, the reports charge that Davis' lobbying firm was the one paid until last month, which is true.

My goodness, what a shock: they tried to lie and obfuscate themselves out of a tough corner. And that was only the beginning.

Davis, perhaps realizing what a bloodbath it would be, decided to skip lunch with reporters. Better to look like a sissy than have to face tough questions about your business buddies, I suppose.

Especially in light of the fact that, you know, the campaign kinda sorta blatantly lied about him not having anything to do with the lobbying firm he's - whoops! - still director of.

Sarah Palin, horror of horrors, got asked a question by a reporter. The campaign earned itself jeers by hustling said reporters out of the room before she could so much as open her mouth, thus proving that whatever else she might be, vice presidential material she ain't.

Then came a poll showing Obama with a nine-point lead. Freakout! They promptly proclaimed the poll bogus, then belied that assessment by showing raw nekkid fear. What else explains McCain's impetuous decision to suspend his campaign in order to rush back to Washington to play economic savior?

Obama, Pelosi, and Reid all took the opportunity to explain to McCain that a) his presence in Washington wouldn't be helpful and b) people who hope to become President should know how to handle more than one thing at a time. Americans everywhere are now being treated to the novel idea that their President should be able to multi-task, and McCain has proven he's incapable of doing so.

As far as political stunts go, this one is roughly equivalent to Evil Knievel trying to jump the Grand Canyon and ending up spattered all over the bottom. It's working out just slightly better than McCain's choice of Palin as a veep. Let us turn now to the spectacular series of serious embarrassments that is the Palin Political Pick:

Karl Rove, when asked if Palin would make a good president, said, "I don't know." Seriously. Even Turd Blossom can't make this shit smell like a rose.

Laura Bush chimed in with this brutally honest response when asked by CNN if Sarah Palin has foreign policy experience: "Well, obviously — Of course she doesn’t have that." Geez, Laura, what happened to "Hey, I can see Russia from here!"?

Then there's the ominous rumblings from Alaska. Seems like the campaign's about to be dealing with a scandal a whole lot worse than Troopergate - an Alaska state rep is calling for an investigation into criminal witness tampering, and his evidence-loaded finger is pointed right at McCain staffers.

But that almost pales in comparison to the disasterous interview with Katie Couric. Go. Watch. Wince. There's something terribly wrong with the anchor being orders of magnitude more intelligent than the vice presidential candidate. Stunningly stupid quotes are already flying thick and fast - and this was only an excerpt. The whole thing has yet to air. Betcha McCain's goons try to get it quashed.

Speaking of quashing... McCain's not only trying to get this Friday's debate with Obama punted, he wants the October 2nd vice presidential debate nixed. Something tells me he's terrified that what's left of his campaign is going to get blown to smithereens the instant Palin opens her mouth on a stage with Joe Biden. He's right. Biden won't even have to say a word to win this one.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, McCain's effort to portray himself as so deeply concerned about the economy that he felt compelled to suspend his campaign, attempt to weasel out of the debate, and rush back to Washington was belied by his lies. He said he was meeting with key advisors to discuss the crisis, when in reality he was meeting with Lady Lynn "I Hates Elitists! Hates Them!" de Rothschild. He then begged off Letterman by saying he was at that very moment flying back to Washington - which would be true only if Katie Couric's studio got moved onto his campaign plane. Letterman responded by indulging in a rather thorough and accurate McCain bashing session while Keith Olbermann looked on in wonder.

And, as if all of that wasn't enough, McCain's volunteers in Colorado didn't get the list of campaign suspension talking points - the media did. It turns out that McCain's not the only one in his campaign who doesn't understand how to send an email. The money quote: “Fuck, tell me I didn’t send it to the wrong list.”

Oh, but you did. It's good to see McCain keeping up the tradition of Bush-league incompetence in his staff.

A complete musical comedy could be written around just this single day. If McCain somehow manages to lie, cheat, and steal his way to the White House, we can be assured of one thing: that while we may be bankrupt, at war with everyone in the entire world, choking on endless pollution, boiling in our own global warming juices, facing illness without the benefit of health insurance, suffering from the further erosion of our civil liberties and subjected to a Sarah Palin Dominionist crusade served up with a heaping helping of painful stupidity, at least we'll never be short of breathtaking dumbfuckery to marvel at.

Palin Word Salad

Ingredients:

1 self-described hockey mom chosen as a running mate to score political points
1 softball interview
1 economy in meltdown
1 studio without a teleprompter

Mix ingredients in a large soundstage. Shake well. Serve incoherent:

On fixing the economy: “Through reform, absolutely. Look at the oversight that has been lack, I believe, here at the 1930s type of regulatory regime overseeing some of these corporations. And we’ve got to get a more coordinated and a much more stringent oversight regime…government can play a very, very appropriate role in the oversight as people are trusting these companies with their life savings, with their investments, with their insurance policies, and construction bonds, and everything else.”

On who is responsible for the failing financial institutions: “I think the corruption on Wall Street. That’s to blame. And that violation of the public trust. And that contract that should be inherent in corporations who are spending, investing other people’s money, the abuse of that is what has got to stop.

“And it’s a matter, too, of some of these CEOs and top management people, and shareholders too not holding that management accountable, being addicted to, we call it, OPM, O-P-M, “other people’s money.”

“Spending that, investing that, not using the prudence that we expect of them. But here again, government has got to play an appropriate role in the stringent oversight, making sure that those abuses stop.”

On AIG getting government bailout: “Well, you know, first, Fannie and Freddie, different because quasi-government agencies there where government had to step in because of the adverse impacts all across our nation, especially with homeowners.

“It’s just too impacting, we had to step in there. I do not like the idea though of taxpayers being used to bailout these corporations. Today it was AIG, important call there, though, because of the construction bonds and the insurance carrier duties of AIG.”

For a more piquant flavor, add a dash of energy "expertise:"

"Of course, it's a fungible commodity and they don't flag, you know, the molecules, where it's going and where it's not. But in the sense of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry domestic markets that need that oil first. So, I believe that what Congress is going to do, also, is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it's Americans who get stuck holding the bag without the energy source that is produced here, pumped here. It's got to flow into our domestic markets first."

Of course, after the last eight years of incoherence, you may have lost your taste for political word salads. In that case, I suggest you go with Obama/Biden instead.

Chin Trout Palin Welcomes You to Spackle Camshaft Palin

This is entirely too much fun.

dana hunter, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Chin Trout Palin

Heh. Lessee... what about the cantina?

en tequila es verdad, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Spackle Camshaft Palin

I could be here all night. What else, what else... I know! The cat!

Misha, sweetie: how would you feel if Mommy renamed you Duct Idaho?




Not too happy about that. Okay. How's about Clamp Noodle?



Well. If that's the kind of reaction Sarah Palin elicits from cats, no wonder she fears them.

Just remember, Sarah, they hate you more than you hate them.

So, my darlings. It's your turn for some fun. What name would you have got saddled with?


(Tip o' the shot glass to Engine Nighthawk Palin over at - how odd - Spackle Camshaft as well. Whoops. Methinks I broked it...)

Update: No, I couldn't leave it alone. And you'll be glad I didn't:

cantina, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Loin Falcon Palin

Excuse me while I go herniate myself laughing....

Cat-hater, Too? That Clinches It

Sarah Palin fears cats:

When asked to reveal something about Palin that no one knows, one woman offered, "She doesn't care for cats very much," and another chimed in, "Oh, yes, she's afraid of my cat."

As if the ten tons of lying, corrupt fuckery wasn't enough, she's afraid of a fucking housecat.

She's afraid of this:



She doesn't care for this:



'Nuff said.

(Tip o' the catnip to Paul Krugman, by way of Kevin Drum)

What They Said

I'm being served with a smorgasbord of utter delights tonight, and the least I can do is share the bounty with you lot. Besides that, I'm in no condition to wield the Smack-o-Matic to great effect just now, so I'm passing it on to those with more energy for the time being.

Salon's Juan Cole gets in the first resounding smack by asking, "What's the Difference between Palin and Muslim Fundamentalists? Lipstick."

John McCain announced that he was running for president to confront the "transcendent challenge" of the 21st century, "radical Islamic extremism," contrasting it with "stability, tolerance and democracy." But the values of his handpicked running mate, Sarah Palin, more resemble those of Muslim fundamentalists than they do those of the Founding Fathers. On censorship, the teaching of creationism in schools, reproductive rights, attributing government policy to God's will and climate change, Palin agrees with Hamas and Saudi Arabia rather than supporting tolerance and democratic precepts. What is the difference between Palin and a Muslim fundamentalist? Lipstick.

The article, believe it or not, gets better from there. I'm going to have to start asking Palin supporters when they started loving the Islamofascists. Heh.

McCain's explosive temperament gets a thorough paddling by Firedoglake's watertiger in "Hot Under the Peter Pan Collar:"

John McCain would like you to believe that he is the consummate warrior statesman, the man most qualified to be President since . . . EVAR! But in truth, John McCain is little more than a spoiled momma's boy with serious anger management issues.

The Smack-o-Matic gets to play naughty with Salon's Gary Kamiya exposing Sarah Palin as "The dominatrix:"

Right now, Palin has Democrats quaking in their boots -- and with good reason. But all hope isn't lost. For even if this election turns out to be a referendum on the national libido, Palin may scare off more voters than she attracts.

Because to anyone who isn't a true believer, Palin comes across not as a fantasy pinup, but as a dominatrix. And the S/M demographic isn't going to put the Republicans over the top in the swing states.

Those who don't understand the fiction of the American economy get a sharp rap on the knuckles from Hullaballoo's dday in "Free Market Capitalism:"

This is known as "capitalism." Not corporate Marxism. How dare you. And everyone knows that what we need is less government.

His tongue is planted so firmly in his cheek I fear he'll never extract it.

And finally, Ed Brayton at Dispatches from the Culture Wars nearly pulverizes the Smack-o-Matic with a blistering beating on "Idiotic Right Wing Rhetoric:"

I'm watching the Republican National Convention and Mike Huckabee starts blathering on about Obama's trip to Europe, saying that he's concerned that Obama might have brought back "European ideas." Statements like that ("San Francisco values") are the reason why I cannot ever identify myself with the right in this country. Time and time again they appeal to the dumbest and more ignorant among us.

European ideas? Our entire system of government is based on European ideas. Every single one of the primary intellectual influences that influenced the founding of this country - John Locke, Montesquieu, Algernon Sydney, etc - were Europeans. This kind of rhetoric is stupid, xenophobic bullshit, plain and simple. I can't stomach it. It makes me want to stand up and scream.

An extensive and supremely entertaining rundown of everything about the Republicons that makes Ed want to stand up and scream follows. We're all screaming with you, buddy.

As is the Smack-o-Matic, which has had a very busy night indeed.

Sarah Doesn't Do Science

We all know by now that Sarah Palin is a creationist, Dominionist fuckwit. She's no fan of science, as a study in wolves proves beyond reasonable doubt:

In early 2007, Palin's administration approved an initiative to pay a $150 bounty to hunters who killed a wolf from an airplane in certain areas, hacked off the left foreleg, and brought in the appendage. Ruling that the Palin administration didn't have the authority to offer payments, a state judge quickly put a halt to them but not to the shooting of wolves from aircraft.

Why is she so eager to annihilate wolves with airplanes and high-powered rifles? It's for the moose - she claims that those big bad wolves are eating too many. Nothing to do with the sexy, faux-macho notion of flying around shooting up animals that can bring down an elk, I'm sure.

Let's see how her science holds up:

A raft of scientists has argued that Palin has provided little evidence that the current program of systematically killing wolves, estimated at a population of 7,000 to 11,000, will result in more moose for hunters. State estimates of moose populations have come under scrutiny. Some wildlife biologists say predator control advocates don't even understand what wolves eat.

Heaven forfend! People with a deep personal interest in having more moose running about than you can shake an assault rifle at not understand actual science? They couldn't possibly be manipulating the data and willful ignorance in their favor!

State officials stand by their scientific findings on predator control. "Several times over the past several years, our science has been challenged in court," says Bruce Bartley, a spokesman for the Alaska Department of Fish and Game. "In every instance it has prevailed."

See? Even the authorities say it's a spiffy plan! It's not like those officials are part of a government rotten with corruption, and it's not like those judges are appointed by the governor. Not. At. All.

My goodness. Did I just spill sarcasm all over your nice new shirt? Terribly sorry.

Let's just wipe up and move on, then.

Yet it is not hard to find Alaskans who say Palin's enthusiasm for predator control fits a broader narrative of how she edits science to suit her personal views. She endorses the teaching of creationism in public schools and has questioned whether humans are responsible for global warming.

In 2007, she approved $400,000 to educate the public about the ecological success of shooting wolves and bears from the air.

That would be Ms. "Won't Fund Programs that Help Pregnant Teens, heck, I'm So Anti-Pork I'm Practically Muslim!" Palin spending four hundred thousand smackeroos on a propaganda drop to ensure the public thinks it's ecologically friendly to shoot animals from airplanes.

"Across the board, Sarah Palin puts on a masquerade, claiming she is using sound management and science," says Nick Jans, an Alaskan writer who co-sponsored the initiative [to curtail aerial hunting]. "In reality she uses ideology and ignores science when it is in her way."

Gee. That sounds sorta like our current Disaster-in-Chief, dunnit?

Gordon Haber is a wildlife scientist who has studied wolves in Alaska for 43 years. "On wildlife-related issues, whether it is polar bears or predator controls, she has shown no inclination to be objective," he says of Palin. "I cannot find credible scientific data to support their arguments," he adds about the state's rational for gunning down wolves. "In most cases, there is evidence to the contrary."

Yup. She's a Republicon, all right. Up is down, black is white, and science is negotiable. Evidence to the contrary just means you dig your heels in harder and start shouting to drown out all those pesky facts. And so on.

Last year, 172 scientists signed a letter to Palin, expressing concern about the lack of science behind the state's wolf-killing operation. According to the scientists, state officials set population objectives for moose and caribou based on "unattainable, unsustainable historically high populations." As a result, the "inadequately designed predator control programs" threatened the long-term health of both the ungulate and wolf populations. The scientists concluded with a plea to Palin to consider the conservation of wolves and bears "on an equal basis with the goal of producing more ungulates for hunters."

Apparently Palin wasn't fazed. Earlier this year she introduced state legislation that would further divorce the predator-control program from science. The legislation would transfer authority over the program from the state Department of Fish and Game to Alaska's Board of Game, whose members are appointed by, well, Palin. Even some hunters were astounded by her power play.

First, do some dumbfuck thing that science proves is directly opposed to your stated objectives. Second, ignore all the scientists who dump fourteen tons of irrefutable evidence on your doorstep that proves you're dumbassity. Third, hustle your pet legislation as far away from that icky science as you can get. Fourth, move programs out of the hands of reasonably independent goverment bodies and into the hot little mitts of your personal political ass-lickers.

My gods. No wonder McCain chose her. She's a bloody expert at being a typical neocon hack! Ready to destroy the country on Day One, she is - no training necessary.

Says Jans, co-sponsor of the losing initiative [to outlaw aerial wolf hunting]: "This is a reflection of a somebody who doesn't have any use for science."

You're not kidding.

It's Like Watching a Train Wreck Caused by an Unhinged Pro-Wrestler with Circus Clowns as the Emergency Response

I think that's why Sarah Palin fascinates us so.

I've been deluged with Palin trivia for days. It's annoying, yet strangely entertaining. If the McCain team, as they claim, "thoroughly vetted" Palin, it seems they were out to choose the most ridiculous vice president in the history of this country. They've succeeded.

This tops Dan Quayle," widely lampooned in my friend's little brother's sixth grade reenactment of the vice presidential debates. He played Gore, and ended the debate with a devastating "Mr. Quayle, learn how to spell potato." I can only imagine what Ashwin would be saying about Palin. He's spoiled for attack lines.

Some highlights not previously mentioned in these pages:

1. Sarah Palin on the Pledge of Allegiance: "If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance."

You know, the fact that it was actually written in 1892 by a Socialist, not to mention that the phrase "Under God" didn't get crowbarred in there until the 1950s, delights me almost as much as her abysmal grasp of history. Considering how much the Republicons hate Socialists, that's just priceless.

2. Palin didn't only defend corruption-plagued Sen. Ted Stevens, she was director of a 527 group called "Ted Stevens Excellence in Public Service, Inc." The 527 was created by none other than Ted Stevens. Now, that's good judgement of character!

3. Guess who wanted Alaska to secede from the Union? That's right - Sarah Palin, who belonged to the Alaskan Independence Party before giving them the big fuck-you. I'm sure McCain will have fun trying to explain how someone who luuurrves America could join a party that puts Alaska before the country.

4. And, finally, no book is safe where Sarah Palin's concerned:

Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. "She asked the library how she could go about banning books," he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. "The librarian was aghast." The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn't be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving "full support" to the mayor.

After the deluge of negatives, you may be wondering exactly why McCain chose Sarah Palin as his running mate. Dday has a pretty good idea:

It certainly doesn't seem like it, given the stories that have emerged within the past 48-72 hours. But she most certainly was vetted, only not by the McCain campaign. She was vetted by the only group that matters - the super-secretive Council for National Policy.

The CNP deliberately operates below the radar, going to excessive lengths to obscure its activities. According to official CNP policy, "The media should not know when or where we meet or who takes part in our programs before or after a meeting." Thus the CNP's Minneapolis gathering was free of reporters. I only learned of the get-together through an online commentary by one of its attendees, top Dobson/Focus on the Family flack Tom Minnery.

Minnery described the mood as CNP members watched Palin accept her selection as John McCain's Vice Presidential pick. "I was standing in the back of a ballroom filled with largely Republicans who were hoping against hope that something would put excitement back into this campaign," Minnery said. "And I have to tell you, that speech by Alaska Governor Sarah Palin -- people were on their seats applauding, cheering, yelling... That room in Minneapolis watching on the television screen was electrified. I have not seen anything like it in a long time."

[snip]

That's all this was about. Forget the press reports grasping at straws trying to figure out this pick, whether it represents a new reform message or was targeted to exurban voters. This was a wet kiss to the religious right.

[snip]

Oh, she was vetted all right. By the religious right. The question is whether or not Palin's extreme, radical philosophy is distasteful to the wide swath of Americans. In a sane world, the support for creationism and questioning of man-made global warming and rejection of birth control would indeed be disqualifying.

...What this also means is that she was totally forced on John McCain, which must call into question his erratic, shoddy judgment, and his ability to carry out anything but the most extreme agenda.

McCain/Palin '08: The Batshit Insane Ticket. Putting the Religious Right First.

Except when it's Alaska.

And I think that says quite enough about their qualifications to lead this country. To wit: zilch.