Beware! The Health Water Pushers Want You Dead!

Well, brain dead, anyway, because how else are they going to transfer money from your wallet to theirs?

Take water.  Just yer basic water.  Now, I've fallen for the SoBe Lifewater scheme, not because of its supposed health benefits but because they add things to it that make it very tasty, and so I can drink something like Strawberry Dragonfruit and pretend I'm not really drinking water whilst still getting hydration.  And did I mention it's so tasty?  There's an adorable lizard, too.  So there we have added value I can taste and see.  But for other water needs, tap water run through a Brita filter works just fine.  It is healthy and cheap, a winning combo.

However.  It seems no item we put in our mouths is free from quacks.  I need to get Chaos Lee back here to tell you about that time he worked for a call center that took orders for infomercial products.  One company that contracted with them were selling "ionized water," claiming all sorts of incredible health benefits.  During the meeting in which the company was extolling said benefits in order to make order-takers all excited about it, Chaos asked them unnerving questions based on basic chemistry, which ended in them claiming it was ionized because it had an extra neutron.  "That's not ionized water," Chaos said.  "That's heavy water."  Upon which the sales rep became upset, perhaps because health nuts might be hinky about buying something used to cool nuclear reactors.

But these days, "ionized" may sound a little too chemical, and we live in a society so obsessed with going chemical-free that some people market, with a straight face, a "chemical-free chemistry set."  Deborah Blum had Things to say about that.  And this.  After that last episode, I really hope she doesn't hear about this newest craze, because she might do herself an injury.  Still, the resulting blog post would be entertaining.

The newest craze, it appears, is for "organic water."

Perched on a white tablecloth we noticed some very sleek water bottles, labeled Illanllyr SOURCE. A serious guy named Eric Ewell eagerly offered us a taste, "Try this pristine organic water." We choked back a giggle. Organic? Really?

As the company's website says, "Illanllyr ... comes from our sources beneath certified organic fields in west Wales in the UK." So, Ewell says, the water has never been tainted with chemicals, making it organic as it as it emerges from the ground.

Now, when I hear the word "organic" combined with "water," I'm thinking of organic matter like cow shit floating around in it.  Especially since it's beneath "certified organic" fields.  Already not really getting the super-healthy vibe.  And while the website touts the water's location beneath a farm that's never been farmed any other way than "organic," thus supposedly ensuring the water is "organic" by proxy, those of us who know our geology are wondering about the details of the aquifer it comes from.  Water has this distressing tendency to travel, and who knows what non-organic ickyness it's toured through?  I mean, really.  Never?  Never ever tainted with a single chemical?  Not in the whole history of the earth?  The gentleman has as much to learn about the water cycle as he does chemistry.

I notice Mr. Ewell or his staff have very carefully not put those "not tainted with chemicals" claims on their website.  Someone seems to have realized that their water does, in fact, contain chemicals.  They call them "minerals," so as not to scare the anti-chemical crowd away, but it's loaded with 'em:

As for his "never been tainted with chemicals" claim made in person, I hate to break it to him: minerals are chemicals.  So, in fact, is H₂O.  That's two hydrogens and an oxygen, bonding into a water molecule, which is (cue scary music) a chemical!!!eleventyzomgwe'reallgonnadiiiiieeeee!!!!!!!

And if you purchase it from Mr. Ewell, a very expensive chemical it is, too.

But let's get back to this "organic" claim.  Those of us who aren't instinctive chemists have skimmed that word, thinking of it in the colloquial sense of "what you tell people something is so they'll pay twice as much for it, believing it's all-natural and much better for you than that non-organic shit."  But of course, chemists are already prone on the floor, pounding their fists in the carpet and laughing helplessly, and Ed Yong is horrified:

When I read that tweet, I fell on the floor pounding fists into carpet, etc.  I may not be as well-versed in chemistry as I should be, but I do know that in chemistry, "organic" means "it's got carbon in."  Now, let's see what we get when we add a little C to our  H₂O, hence making it organic:

So, my darlings, remember: no water on earth is organic, and if you ever have the pleasure of someone trying to sell you "organic" water in person, you are now free to ask them why they think one of the main ingredients in embalming fluid is so much healthier than plain ol' dihydrogen oxide.

Gorgeous.

Where to Go Before You Go Woo

I'm constantly amazed by the crazy shit people will believe.  Comes to that, I'm constantly amazed by the crazy shit I used to believe.  There was a time, for instance, where I believed that there might be something to Complementary and Alternative Medicine (CAM).  That, of course, was before I began reading about it.

Really, people?  Really?  You really believe water without a single bloody molecule of active remedy in it can cure you?  Or that ear candling works?  Or that shooting coffee up your butt's a cure rather than a fetish?

Some of the people I know IRL, otherwise sane and sober people, fall prey to this crazy crap.  They drop way too much money on woo.  And they believe in all sorts of nonsense, like vaccines causing autism (they don't).

They're not stupid.  It's just that there's so damned much misinformation out there, and the snake-oil salespeople have silver tongues.  So I think it's time to put up, in one post which I can then point them to, a nice set of resources that might keep them from falling prey.  Especially now that homeopathic "remedies" are finding their way onto supermarket shelves, right alongside legitimate medicines, as if they belong there (they don't).

Those of us who already like our medicine science-based could still use these sites.  They're always good for a belly-laugh.  Sometimes for a primal scream.

Respectful Insolence: Orac's delicious blog, in which all manner of cranks, woo-meisters, and ridiculous nonsense gets smacked down at length and without mercy.  His main focus is anti-vaccine nonsense, but he'll battle any woo that strikes his fancy, and he's especially useful for combating cancer woo, seeing as how he's a surgeon and breast cancer researcher.

Science-Based Medicine: A blog on a wide range of woo-tastic topics by a stellar stable of medical bloggers.  It's not as insolent as Respectful Insolence, but it's solid stuff and sometimes hysterically funny.  There's nothing quite like a science-based physician expressing their frustration at the more obstinate sorts of woo.  It's also a good place to learn how science-based medicine works, how it could be improved, and why it's different from evidence-based medicine.

Quackwatch: This should be your first stop in your quest to avoid all things quack.  It's a tremendous resource.  No false balance, just facts.  Relentless, uncompromising facts.  Woo does not stand a chance here.

What's the Harm?  The definitive answer to that question is contained in these pages.  Woo's last defense is claiming that, even if it can't cure absolutely everything just like it claims, it at least does no harm.  Wrongo.  You'd be amazed at the harm even the most harmless-seeming woo can do.

I See Sedona's Still Silly

For a brief and all-too-memorable two years of my life, we lived in Sedona, Arizona.  It's a beautiful place, red rock country that will dye your white socks a nice shade of rust whilst hiking.  It's also a total magnet for oddballs.

When we first moved there, back in the late 80s, an alarming number of the populace was convinced a space ship was going to emerge from Bell Rock, which to those who don't think it's shaped like a bell believe it's shaped like a UFO.  This, of course, meant there was a UFO in it, and if you had the right crystal, you could summon the space ship that was to emerge on an auspicious day, and the aliens who had (for reasons I never learned) parked their ship under that mass of old sandstone would pick you up and give you a lift to some sort of very spiritual destination somewhere out in the universe.

Vendors set up roadside markets where quartz crystals lay on tables, sparkling in the sun.  I found myself browsing at one on a fine day, because I love crystals and was hoping to find a bargain.  Alas, all I found were overpriced rocks and one woman waving a fistful, exclaiming to her friend, "This one was cold, and this one was kind of warm, but this one's hot!"  The fact that relative warmth may have been due to the fact there was a sun shade over part of the table didn't seem to occur to her.  No, she was after something that would vibrate at just the right frequency for thumbing a ride with extraterrestrials. 

I gave it up as a bad job and left.  Perhaps that day in my tweens was a harbinger of my future skepticism.  Or maybe I'd just been exposed to too much New Age schlock.

The Great Day came, but the spaceship didn't, and all those who had paid far too much for some decent quartz, sold their earthly belongings, and camped out in the desert waiting for Bell Rock to open would have had to slink despondently home if they hadn't sold said home.

But even that rather spectacular fail didn't shake their faith.  They still babbled on about wise aliens from other worlds and crystal magic and vortexes like the one by the Post Office that caused all the horrible car crashes.  No, cars didn't crash because it was a badly designed, extremely busy t-shaped intersection with the worst visibility in town.  No, silly skeptics!  It's obviously the malign influence of a bad vortex, not at all like the good vortexes out in the hills, where one could - well, do whatever it is New Agey folk do when communing with good vortexes.

Psychics and so forth continued selling their New Age kitsch downtown.  I should have got round to telling them to aim a sun lamp at the trays of crystals so they could sell more "hot" ones.

Years later, after I'd moved away, a pagan friend came to visit from parts east.  His friends had told him he had to see Sedona.  "It's so spiritual," said they.  They babbled on and on about its mystical powers and so forth, and sent him out on a mission: he just had to go, and report back.

He's skeptical enough he took my warnings to heart, and tried to steel himself against disappointment, but his jaw still dropped when he saw what the spiritual mecca really was: no more than commercial kitsch slathered thick along the main drag, a tourist trap laid for the sensitive soul.  Nothing I'd said could quite capture the shock of the reality.  It's really that bad.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's still that bad.  And to my vast amusement, I discovered that it most definitely is (h/t):

On December 21, 2012 Mr. Peter Gersten plans to hurl himself off of Bell Rock in Sedona, AZ. It is his belief that a cosmic portal will open at this time and in this place, and that he will be delivered into a new, unfathomable opportunity. He is fully willing to die if he is wrong about the portal.

Ah, yes, I can say with some certainty that "he will be delivered into a new, unfathomable opportunity."  It's not every day the local coyote population has a smorgasbord plop down from the top of Bell Rock.

Let's just hope all of the negative vibes from all the skeptical people laughing at him cause him to change his mind.  I mean, you know what negativity does to portals.  I mean, look what happened when a few locals poked fun at the idea a spaceship would emerge - no spaceship.  You can't tell me that's a coinkydink. 

We've already broken your portal, Mr. Gersten.  I'm sorry.  It won't open due to all those bad vibrations.  You might as well stay home.

Public Service Announcement

Do not subscribe, or give someone you love a subscription, to Mothering Magazine. 

Mothering magazine: Peddling dangerous health misinformation to new mothers

Thank you.

Hey! I Practice Alt Med, Too!

Kimball Atwood's been kicking the arses of all those who like to babble that because alt med's popular, even the most implausible, most wootastic woo should be studied.  We're talking folks who think that homeopathy should be studied, despite the fact the basic science isn't behind it at all - you'd have to overturn pretty much all of physics and chemistry for it to qualify as anything remotely possible to actually work as more than a placebo mixed with willful idiocy.  The people who back randomized, double-blind, clinical trial after clinical trial for the wooiest of woo despite assloads of evidence already available showing it doesn't, can't, and will never work are the same ones who would probably demand said trials for butt reflexology if enough dumbfucks fall for a hoax.

But I digress.  I was about to tell you about the fact that I, too, practice complimentary and alternative medicine (CAM).  I found this out while reading Kimball's lovely smackdown.  Here's the passage that revealed all to me:

In addition to the ethical fallacy just discussed, there is another fallacy having to do with popularity: the methods in question aren’t very popular. In the medical literature, the typical article about an implausible health claim begins with the irrelevant and erroneous assertion that “34%” or “40%” or even “62%” (if you count prayer!) of Americans use ‘CAM’ each year. This is irrelevant because at issue is the claim in question, not ‘CAM’ in general. It is erroneous because ‘CAM’ in general is so vaguely defined that its imputed popularity has been inflated to the point of absurdity, as exemplified by the NCCAM’s attempt, in 2002, to include prayer (which it quietly dropped from the subsequent, 2007 survey results).

By these standards, I so totally do practice CAM!  Yep, it's that slippery of a definition.  Y'see, sometimes, when I feel like I might be coming down with a cold, but it might just be allergies or too much smoking instead, I run this little litany through my head: "I hope I'm not getting sick!  I hope I'm not getting sick!  I hope I'm not getting sick!"  And sometimes, when I wish really hard I won't get sick, sometimes I don't get sick!!!

So imagine me getting surveyed:

Survey Person: Do you pray for wellness or healing?

Me [sarcastically]: Well, I'm an atheist, but I sometimes hope really hard.

SP: Great!  We've got you down for prayer, then, you alt-med lover you!

Me: Wait, what?  Hey!  Come back here and erase that right now, you fucking bastard!

SP: [vanishes into the distance at a brisk run]

And that, my darlings, is one of the great many reasons why you should always treat the argumentum ad populum with grave suspicion.

Just like you should butt reflexology.  Or is that butt-print astrology (ass-trology!)?  It's so hard to keep all this butt-related woo straight!

I Shall Never Look At a Catalog The Same Way Ever Again

Dr. Crislip's outdone himself.  He very nearly got me in trouble at work - riotous laughter in the call center isn't strictly forbidden, but it draws attention.

I dare you to read this title without at least a chuckle: "Sky Maul."

It's the best takedown of the products in the SkyMall catalog I've ever read in my life, and that's not just because I haven't read many.  Even if I read thousands after this, it shall always be among the top 5.  It's full of tasty bits, but here are the two I forced upon my coworker because they were just too good not to share.

After the segue into a truly hideous Lancet paper babbling about tattoos on ancient mummies and their correlation to acupuncture points, Dr. Crislip says,

"I think they all have it wrong. Look carefully at the location of the tattoo points. There mark the intersections of the webbing on Spiderman’s costume. These are not acupuncture points, but rather reflect the ability of both Ötzi and the Peruvian mummy to see into the future imaginings of Stan Lee. I think it makes as much sense based on the data."

My darlings, no comic book geek and connoisseur of fine woo can read that and not die laughing.

And while I usually avoid quoting a writer's closing remarks, preferring to leave those delights for the reader to discover, I cannot as a Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter fan refrain from quoting his close in full:

I was originally going to discuss the Head Spa Massager, the X5 HairLaser and others, but the Aculife took me down many unexpected pathways and I am the slowest writer at SBM. They did have numerous cool gadgets and products on SkyMall. Me? I really want Voldemort’s wand and the One ring. Both work using the same mechanism as acupuncture and mummy medical tattoo’s. I have ordered them and soon I will be invincible.

I welcome our future Science-Based Medicine overlord! 

Further Evidence Britain Needs to Reform It's Fucked-Up Libel Laws

Read.  Weep (with laughter and outrage).  Then sign the petition, unless you already have, in which case: go, you!  Tell your friends to get their arses on it.

What a fucking world.

Is There No End to Inanity?

By now, the more perceptive of you may have realized I haven't been writing about pollyticks lately.  That's not because I've lost interest, it's because I've been awash in a target-rich environment.  After so many hours of exposure to ever-increasing stupidity, day after day, my poor brain crawled out a convenient ear canal and ran away.  I've been luring it back by feeding it lots and lots of science, not to mention a heaping helping of Connie Willis.

We'll have a nice roundup of political dumbfuckery later this week.  For now, suffice it to say that if a politician in this country has got an R after his/her name and is currently electable, he/she is probably batshit fucking insane, so deplorably stupid that no words have been coined which properly describe the horror, and the fact he/she has any chance at all of getting elected solves the mystery of why great civilizations fail.  Forget all those theories of environmental catastrophe, barbarian invasions and so forth: it was probably the because they let their politicians become as horrifically idiotic as ours.

You'd think this current election cycle would have sated my appetite for stupidity.  Alas, no.  It's just caused me to crave a little variety.  IDiots are always good for a laugh, and watching ol' Billy Dumbski nearly get expelled for not toeing the good Baptist line gave me the giggles.  Still, I wanted more.  So I went though PZ's blogroll looking for new sources of entertainment, and came across a site called DC's Improbable Science.

Parents: if you have ever thought of sending your kiddies to a Waldorf school, unthink that thought now.

In an article entitled "The true nature of Steiner (Waldorf) education. Mystical barmpottery at taxpayers’ expense. Part 1," we learn that these schools are repositories of quackery of the first order.  We're talking people who think the moon's phase is important to crops, kiddies aren't completely incarnated yet, and pigeonhole them based on "The Four Temperaments."  Yes, just like the Four Humors, only in this case, even dumber.

Oh, and if you think your kiddies shall at least be taught to read, think again.  That, you see, would hinder their spiritual development.

As far as history class, well, you know, "'The narrative thread for Ancient civilisations often begins with the fall of Atlantis’."

You may remember the fear of being held back a grade because you were flunking reading, math, or science.  Well, kids in Waldorf schools have a whole other set of concerns:

To quote from The Age:

“One parent, who did not wish to be named, said she moved her son out of the school after a Steiner teacher recommended he repeat prep "because his soul had not been reincarnated yet".

"I just don’t believe it is educationally sound," she said.”

Ya think?

I marvel, my darlings, positively marvel, at the sheer volume of utter bullshit human beings seem capable of swallowing whole.  I guarantee you: down a cocktail of magic mushrooms and LSD, write down the insanity that ensues, blend it with the contents of the newage and religion sections of your local bookstore, pick bits of it at random, and serve it up after having translated it from English to Swahili to Japanese and back to English using Babelfish, and you'd still find people who would wholeheartedly believe every incomprehensible word of the resulting mess.

People are weird.

Find the Alt Med That's Right for You!

I came across this last night whilst reading the comments on Orac's masterful takedown of laser Reiki, and it's too damned funny not to share.  Click for a larger image, and find that special alt med that suits you best!

Best Friday Dose of Woo Ever - or Should That Be Worst?

Orac occasionally reposts some of his classic Insolence, which is a good thing - especially when he reposts something so mind-meltingly five-alarm Woo that I wonder where it's been all my life.  This bit of classic Insolence alternatively made me laugh, cry and howl.  I ended up starting silently at my computer screen in numb disbelief.

A taste:

Regular readers of this blog are probably aware of my general opinion about Reiki and other "energy healing" modalities. In short, they're woo, pure and simple. Consequently, one might reasonably ask why I've never featured the woo that is Reiki in Your Friday Dose of Woo. There's a simple reason for that.

Basic Reiki is boring.

Really, I mean it. In and of itself, it just doesn't reach the level of sheer ecstatic nuttiness that I like to feature every week. Oh, sure, there's lots of handwaving about "channeling the universal energy" through the healer to augment the life force of the person being healed. Certainly there's lots of serious woo about being able to heal people at a distance or through laying on of hands. (And you thought Jesus was main guy known for this.) But, in its basic form, Reiki lacks something to put it truly over the top. I wasn't sure what it was, but I found out.

It's missing laser beams. No, really. We're talking about Laser Reiki, which provides this promise:

If you loved the movie The Matrix, then you will love healing your life and changing your reality with Laser Reiki.

Now we're talking! Personally, I did like The Matrix. I even liked The Matrix Reloaded. The Matrix Revolutions kind of sucked, though. Is Laser Reiki like The Matrix, or is it like The Matrix Revolutions? You be the judge!

It gets better (worse?) from there.  The shit some people come up with to 'splain why their chosen Woo is ever-so-scientific is truly remarkable.

Quantum physicists in the audience, be warned: your heads might explode.  This cantina is not responsible for traumatic brain injury, damage to furniture, walls, or electronics, or cleaning costs for removing bits of brain matter and skull shards from any nearby surfaces, up to and including carpet, chair, pets and loved ones.

You May Think I Hate You After This

I assure you, I don't.  I can prove it.  I'm warning you ahead of time, read Orac's Friday Dose of Woo in increments.  Just nibble away at the edges of the burning stupid, then take plenty of antacid and digest for a bit before returning for more.

On the continuum of burning stupidity, this one's roughly the temperature of the Sun's core.  Here's the appetizer:

What, you may ask, is "DNA activation"? Let international spiritual teacher, Soul Wisdom Psyche Doctor, distant healing specialist, co-founder of the Higher School for Conscious Evolution, and author of the Great Master (not to mention DNA practitioner) Toby Alexander explain why you should activate your DNA:

Most people know that DNA is the 'blueprint of life' and is located in every cell of the body. In addition to each chromosome's 2 strand double helix of DNA, there are an additional 10 etheric strands of DNA available to each human, which have been de-activated and dormant since the beginning of recorded history. Each additional strand possesses attributes that permit the individual to perform greater human accomplishments. Scientists acknowledge that we currently only use 3% of our current 2 strand DNA. Thus we live in a society where people are sick, unhappy, stressed out, create wars, have "difficulty experiencing love, and are totally disconnected with the universe. Most people have to meditate for many years just to have a so-called 'mystical' experience, that's how disconnected we are now. Imagine activating 100% of your 2 strand DNA, PLUS 10 additional strands! You will go from using 10% of your brain to becoming a multi-dimensional being with psychic, telepathic, and manifestation abilities beyond anything you've ever dreamed of. Plus, you will stop the aging process and actually start to rejuvenate to look and feel YOUNGER. This is the Original Divine Blueprint, what man USED to be. It has been written that Jesus had 12 strands of DNA activated. There have been children born throughout the history of humanity to raise the frequency of the planet that have more than 2 strands of DNA active - they are known as Indigo children. These are the incredibly intelligent, loving, and amazing children that are being mistakenly diagnosed as having A.D.D. because they are too smart to pay attention in class. Your DNA is your blueprint of life and is what controls every single function inside each of your cells. If you change your DNA, you really will change your life.

Holy woo, Batman!

I swear I felt brain cells fuse from the heat of the stupid as I read on.  Some neurons seem to have actually vaporized on contact.  It got so bad I had to go clear out my work email's inbox for a while, until things stopped steaming and molten bits of brain matter stopped dripping from my ear canals.

I'd planned to do a Dumbfuckery du Jour today, but nothing in politics came close to being that inane.  It's all anticlimax from here.

And why am I tormenting you with this?  Because watching Orac spank someone that insanely stupid is an education and a pleasure.  Also, I had to explain why I haven't got any nice geology outtakes from the trip ready for you yet.  The unmelted bits of my brain curled up in a fetal ball for protection and refuse to uncurl.  I'm putting them to bed with a book on glaciers, a friendly glass of Beaujolais, and a warm, purring, only mildly homicidal feline.  (I love winter.  The temptation to stay warm overcomes my cat's innate violent tendencies, although only just, and I get to enjoy what so many other cat owners do: cuddles without the fang marks.)

I'd get my DNA activated, but if it's anything like a cell phone activation, it means I'm stuck in a two-year contract with a large early termination fee.  No thanks, I'll pass.  Unless, of course, a bunch of us can get together for a discussion about how we can use words like "quantum entanglement" to convince Mr. Alexander that we've fused our collective activated etheric DNA and shall hold his chakras hostage until he pays us

Stretching Credulity

If you read only one cartoon this week, read this one (h/t).  Warning: reading while eating or drinking may cause serious problems when you get to the end of the strip, so make sure to swallow any and all foodstuffs well before the final panel.

Thank you, Chris, for pointing this one out!

Not Talking About Robert Lanza

Not linking to posts about Robert Lanza, either.  Nope.  Not linking to posts about Robert Lanza at all.  Not even this post about Robert Lanza.  Because it would be just awful if Robert Lanza became upset. 

Poor little woo-meister.

Newsflash: Sticking Burning Candles in Your Ear Could Be Hazardous to Your Health

Back in the late 1990s, someone babbled at me about ear candling for a great many minutes.  They waxed poetic over the health benefits of stuffing a candle in your ear and lighting it up.  I can't remember why.  All I can remember is staring at them with my jaw hanging open and thinking, "Are you nuts?"

Needless to say, though I wasn't a Certified Skeptic back then, and hadn't even heard of science-based medicine, I gave ear candling a pass.  It sounded like the height of folly.

Over a decade later, the FDA's caught on.  I ended up on their MedWatch page page after reading a post at Terra Sigillata about yet more prescription drugs being sneaked into yet more supplements. (Yes, manufacturers do this so that their "wholesome and natural" products will actually work.)   Just for S&G, I decided to see what other nefarious nonsense the altmed world's been up to, and I came across an alert entitled "Ear Candles: Serious Risk of Injuries."  I laughed and laughed and howled, "Well, no shit, Sherlock!"

The first paragraph is morbidly hilarious:

FDA is notifying consumers and healthcare providers of its warning not to use ear candles - a hollow cone about 10 inches long made from a fabric tube soaked in beeswax, paraffin or a mixture of the two - because they can cause serious injuries, even when used according to the manufacturer’s directions. According to advertised claims, a burning ear candle draws ear wax and “impurities” or “toxins” out of the ear canal. Other claims for ear candles include relief from sinus and ear infections, headache and earache, as well as improved hearing, “blood purification,” improvements in brain function, and cure cancer. FDA has found no valid scientific evidence to support the safety or effectiveness of these devices for any medical claims or benefits. FDA has received reports of burns, perforated eardrums and blockage of the ear canal which required outpatient surgery from the use of ear candles.

Anyone stupid enough to believe that sticking a candle in their ear and lighting it will cure them of cancer almost deserves a little blockage of the ear canal as an object lesson, except I can mostly forgive them - they're desperate and scared and willing to try anything to survive.  The real stupidity comes from the dumbshits purveying this as a cure.  They're either moronic or greedy or both.

And don't even get me started on the parents taking their kids in for this treatment.  Really, don't.  Let's just say I have definite opinions regarding their fitness as parents, and those opinions aren't flattering.

While we're on the subject of "miracle" cures, there's another great one at Terra Sigillata that's really not to be missed:

FDA Warns Consumers of Serious Harm from Drinking Miracle Mineral Solution (MMS)
Product contains industrial strength bleach

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is warning consumers not to take Miracle Mineral Solution, an oral liquid also known as “Miracle Mineral Supplement” or “MMS.”  The product, when used as directed, produces an industrial bleach that can cause serious harm to health.

The next time some fluffy-bunny altmed worshiper asks me "what's the harm?", I shall be more than happy to inform them.

The Not-So-Thin Skeptical Line

Liz over at I Speak of Dreams has put together a very comprehensive post about DDI's SLAPP against Quackwatch.  Not only is the post itself thorough, it provides plenty of links to other posts on the topic.  I'm happy to see that the folks standing on Dr. Barrett's side far outnumber those on the side of quackery.

Poor DDI.  They have the power of the woo (and a greedy scheming lawyer), but Dr. Barrett's got the skeptical community, the law, and science on his side.  Even contest?  Not so much.  Entertaining?  Watching a SLAPP-happy bunch of woo-meisters getting their arses kick should certainly be.  Let's ensure Dr. Barrett's got a nice, fat legal defense fund to keep the fun going.

*Update: John Pieret's called up a linkstorm, and you can have his html if you like.

To date:

Those who support Barrett:

1. June 30 2010 Orac More Legal Thuggery Against A Defender of Science-Based Medicine Respectful Insolence
2. June 30 2010 Stavros Isaiadis More Libel Lawsuits instead of Scientific Debate Journey Through A Burning Mind
3. June 30 2010 Barbara Drescher Quackwatcher Dr. Steve Barrett Is Under Attack at Woo Fighters and ICBS Everywhere
4. June 30 2010 Monica Pignotti Science Based Medicine Blog on Legal Thuggery Potentially Harmful and Other Questionable Therapies
5. June 30 2010 Todd W. Doctor's Data Inc. Uses Legal Threat to Silence Criticism Silenced by Age of Autism
6. June 30 2010 Skepacabra News from Around the Blogosphere Skepacabra
7. June 30 2010 Kim Wombles Supporting Skeptics Who Speak Up Countering Age of Autism
8. June 30 2010 The Ashartus Files Attacks on Scientists The Ashartus Files
9. June 30 2010 Glenn Reynolds Threatening Bloggers is Generally a Bad Idea Instapundit
10. July 1 2010 Mike Masnick Quackwatch Sued for Suggesting Medical Lab Quackery Techdirt
11. July 1 2010 Derek Lowe "Doctor's Data": Telling the Truth and Getting Sued for It In the Pipeline (Corante)
12. July 1 2010 John Pieret This Could Take A While Thoughts in a Haystack
13. July 1 2010 John Pieret The DDI DDIdn't Thoughts in a Haystack
14. July 1 2010 Jack of Kent US libel suit against Quackwatch Jack of Kent
15. July 1 2010 Landon Ross Quackwatch Sued by Quacks The Rational Ape
16. July 1 2010 Ian Musgrave Anti-Science Bullies At It Again Astroblog
17. July 1 2010 Timothy Sandefur Quackwatch needs your help The Panda's Thumb
18. July 1 2010 Anonymous Coward Chelation Therapy Quack sues Quackwatch Bayblab
19. July 1 2010 Cujo359 Medical Quackery Meets Legal Quackery Slobber and Spittle
20. July 1 2010 Dana Hunter The Legal Jackboot En Tequila Es Verdad
21. July 1 2010 Brad Evans The Streisand Effect? I hope so Blue Horizons
22. July 1 2010 Reddit thread on the case
23. July 2 2010 Health Care Renewal Quackwatch being sued by "Doctor's Data", a laboratory that caters to chelation therapists Health Care Renewal
24. July 3 2010 The Lucky Atheist Spread the Word: Quacks Sue Skeptic The Lucky Atheist
25. July 3 2010 Hemant Mehta Science Defender Gets Sued by Doctor's Data The Friendly Atheist
26. July 4 2010 Horse Goes West Intimidation Fail Horse Goes West 

But now DDI has attracted the attention of the 800 pound gorilla: Pharyngula. It'll never know what hit it.

Buh-bye, DDI.

The Legal Jackboot

Via our own John Pieret, who knows legal fuckery when he sees it, Orac points up the travails of Dr. Steve Bennett of Quackwatch, who is currently being sued for $10 million by a bunch of money-grubbing quacks otherwise known as Doctor's Data.  This is a tactic used by those who can't defend themselves with science.  And considering truth is a defense in American libel cases, Dr. Bennett has nothing to worry about - except the ridiculous legal bills that will be racked up defending himself against this fuckery.

Publicize his case if you have a blog, and if you can spare a few dimes, send some cash his way.  Quackwatch is a resource that cannot be allowed to be buggered and beggared by the kind of people who enjoy administering industrial chelators to helpless autistic kids.  Do help them continue roasting the quacks.  The champions of science-based medicine must not be silenced by jackbooted legal thugs.

The Nocebo Effect

We've all heard of the placebo effect, when sham treatments (sugar pills, toothpicks instead of acupuncture needles) are just as effective or indeed more effective than the real treatment being tested.  But how many of us know about the nocebo effect?  Did you know that placebos can cause side effects?  I surely didn't.

The best moment was Dr Peter Fisher from the (NHS-funded) Royal London Homeopathic hospital explaining that homeopathic sugar pills have physical side-effects – so they must be powerful.

Can a sugar pill have a side-effect? Interestingly, a paper published in the journal Pain next month looks at just this issue. It found every single placebo-controlled trial ever conducted on a migraine drug, and looked at the side-effects reported by the people in the control group, who received a dummy "placebo" sugar pill instead of the real drug. Not only were these side-effects common, they were also similar to those of whatever drug the patients thought they might be receiving.

Next time I experience some vague malaise while taking a treatment, I'll have to remember that the faint nausea, the headache, or what have you might actually be caused by my expectations, not the treatment itself.  Fascinating.

And the next time somebody babbles about how awesome homeopathy is, here's a useful tidbit for ye:

There were comedy highlights, as you might expect from any serious inquiry into an industry where sugar pills have healing powers conferred upon them by being shaken with one drop of the ingredient which has been diluted so extremely that it equates to one molecule of the substance in a sphere of water whose diameter is roughly the distance from the Earth to the sun.

Ben Goldacre's whole article is worth reading.  As are all his others.  Definitely don't miss the possible role of aliens in siting Woolworth's stores.  Bad science has never been so good!

(Tip o' the shot glass to Matthew Cobb, who's doing a stellar job filling in for Jerry Coyne)

Oh, The Frivolous Lawsuits You'll File!

Those of you who keep up with anti-vaccinationist news will know by now that a total moron named Barbara Loe Fisher has decided to sue everybody she can possibly sue because they didn't pander to her abject stupidity.  Why, one of them went so far as to baldly say, "She lies"!  So she's done what every other idiot with no facts on their side does: filed a frivolous lawsuit in a desperate attempt to shut her critics up. 

That's when it's good to have a lawyer in the cantina.  Our own John Pieret has taken a look at the merits of the case, and found them decidedly lacking.  He's even got case law to show just how ridiculous the whole thing is.  It's a masterful smackdown, and it shows just how far this suit is (un)likely to get.

Good luck with that, Barbara.  You know, the dupes who donate money to your anti-vaccine crusade don't care if some evil scientist calls you a liar.  So all you're really doing is spending their cash on a lost cause.  Just think: you could've just spent a few minutes writing an "am not a liar!" post and been done with it without spending a dime, rather than ponying up cash just to get spanked in court.  But hey, it's your hard-begged money, so do whatever you want with it.

(In other fucktard news, following up on yesterday's post on Nancy "The Danes Turned that Poor Man Into an Axe Murderer!" Holm: Miranda Hale took Nancy out to the woodshed and left no bottom unspanked.  Do enjoy.)

Laser Woo Tag

Occasionally, even though I'm snowed under between work, blogging and fiction writing, I'm able to sneak over to Orac's place for some good ol' Respectful Insolence.  I think you should sneak over, too.  I mean, how can you resist a post that starts like this?

[snip]

Yeah, baby! I'm talkin' laser woo, and you all know that every woo is better with lasers! What better laser woo to take on than QLaser Healing Light Low Level Lasers?

None that I've seen recently.

He even ends up quoting Austin Powers.  Go.  Read.  Enjoy.

A Study the Champions of Woo Rue

I'm sure most of you have heard the news about Patrick Swayze, who succumbed to pancreatic cancer on Monday. He survived 20 months, which is actually pretty amazing for this disease. You don't have to be a Swayze fan to miss him, or to respect the grace and strength with which he faced a horrific disease.

A few hours before he died, Orac posted a review of a major study that pitted woo-based medicine against science-based medicine in treating pancreatic cancer. This is a study that you will not hear the woo-meisters trumpeting, because the results are devastating for them:

In words:

At enrollment, the treatment groups had no statistically significant differences in patient characteristics, pathology, quality of life, or clinically meaningful laboratory values. Kaplan-Meier analysis found a 9.7-month difference in median survival between the chemotherapy group (median survival, 14 months) and enzyme treatment groups (median survival, 4.3 months) and found an adjusted-mortality hazard ratio of the enzyme group compared with the chemotherapy group of 6.96 (P
<.001). At 1 year, 56% of chemotherapy-group patients were alive, and 16% of enzyme-therapy patients were alive. The quality of life ratings were better in the chemotherapy group than in the enzyme-treated group (P
<.01).

Moreover, the quality of life, as measured by standardized surveys, was actually worse for the Gonzalez therapy group:

Patients in the two groups responded similarly to the questionnaires on quality of life before initiation of therapy, but the overall FACT-PA scores during 12 months decreased more in the enzyme group than in the gemcitabine group (Fig 3). Twenty-four percent of total measurements were missing. Quality of life scores of both groups were significantly different (P
.01). During the first 6 months of the study, pain scores increased in the enzyme group, but they decreased in the chemotherapy group (P
.05); however, few patients reported on use of analgesics. (Table 2).

In all my years in medicine, surgery, and surgical oncology, I have never seen a study with such a striking difference in outcome between the two groups.

[snip]

Not only was the median survival of patients in the Gonzalez therapy group worse than it was for the standard chemotherapy group, it was three times worse. At one year, 56% of the chemotherapy patients were alive; only 16% of the Gonzalez protocol patients were. But it's still even worse than that for the Gonzalez therapy. Not only did Gonzalez therapy patients do worse than those receiving standard therapy, but they did worse than the "average" pancreatic cancer patient as determined by the survival curve derived from data from the SEER Database. The most likely reason to explain such a result is that the Gonzalez therapy is not just inferior to gemcitabine but is probably completely biologically inactive against pancreatic cancer. What we are looking when we examine the survival curve for the Gonzalez protocol group is, most likely, indistinguishable from a survival curve of untreated pancreatic cancer versus treated.

Remember that when the woo-meisters start piling on Swayze's death with the claim that if only he'd followed their regimen of woo, he'd be alive today.

If he hadn't kicked them to the curb, we would have lost him long ago.