17 November, 2008

For Fuck's Sake

This is why I'm not in management or PR. Some complete fucktard would come spouting this religiously-induced inane panic, and I wouldn't write them a nice letter (complete with ALL CAPS emphasizing the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF that sounds semi-logical but ISN'T RATIONAL AT ALL just like emails FROM CREATIONISTS AND OTHER RELIGIOUS FUCKTARDS - they certainly know their audience. The only thing missing is the changes in font size and color). I wouldn't spend time figuring out that a literal interpretation of the Bible means the Beast can be subverted merely by switching hands. I would listen to their frothing, stare at them in silence after they'd finished, and then say,

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Followed shortly by, "You need to stop sniffing your Bible and spend more time with Mr. Reality." And other choice phrases. Maybe, if they'd really got up my nose, I'd say, "Wow. I'd expect an omniscient and omnipotent God to have smarter followers."

The people whose freakouts led to this high-tech company having to include this letter with their fucking scanners are not, I'll have you know, the target of the book I'm writing. If they think using a hand scanner is going to place the mark of the Beast on them, there's no fucking way they'd talk to an atheist.

And I'll be forever grateful for that fact.

(Tip o' the shot glass to Alas, A Blog, by way o' Pharyngula)

1 comment:

Cujo359 said...

I'd have said "If we tried to make that LED emit enough light to burn something onto your thumb, it would burn out the first time."

And of course, they'd start looking for my secret cache of replacement LEDs...

I dimly remember a scene from an old movie about some British officers in charge of Muslim Indian troops in the mid 19th Century. I think it was called "The Khyber Rifles". Their enemy of the moment had started a rumor that the new cartridges they'd been issued, which came in some sort of greased fabric, were made from pig skin. Since they were Muslims, they refused to use the cartridges. The officer in charge has to assemble these guys, and then he says to them "Look, I'm Jewish", and then bites into one of the cartridges and spits it out. They all believe him at that point.

I just wondered how crazy you have to be to believe such things.