Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi may be on my short list of politicians to kick out of the White House - first for taking impeachment off the table, secondly for allowing the FISA fiasco to come to fruition - but at least she and I can wholeheartedly agree on this:

I once saw a funny stand-up comedian who had a great bit about things one can say to soften the blow of insults. A person could say almost anything, just so long as they prefaced it by certain qualifiers. “That guy is blisteringly stupid, bless his heart.” Or maybe, “I can’t believe how ugly that person is, the poor thing.” Or the old standby: “With all due respect, that guy is a pathetic clown.”

Maybe House Speaker Nancy Pelosi saw the same bit.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called President Bush “a total failure” on Thursday, among the California Democrat’s harshest assessments to date of the president.

“God bless him, bless his heart, president of the United States — a total failure, losing all credibility with the American people on the economy, on the war, on energy, you name the subject,” Pelosi told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer in an exclusive interview.

Why, yes. Yes, he is. So why the fuck didn't you impeach the son of a bitch? And don't tell me it was the specter of Cheney becoming (shudder) President - you could've impeached his ass too. And then, Nancy my joy, you would've become our next President.

I'm sure the Republicons would've screamed bloody murder over that, but hey - when you put Darth Cheney and Monkey Boy George in the Oval Office, what happens afterward is your own damned fault.

And our list of assclowns grows. Well, not grows, exactly - the usual suspects are there, it's just that they get more assclownish by the day. Here's Bill O'Reilly's latest, and I personally think it stands beside the Sylvia's remark as one of the most imbecilic utterances that has ever dropped from what I am forced, due to its location on his face rather than his arse, to call his mouth:

Yesterday, Fox News’ Bill O’Reilly agreed with Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and argued that it was fair for insurance companies to cover Viagra but not birth control because “birth control is not a medical condition”:

OK, listen up. Viagra is used to help a medical condition. That’s why it’s covered. Birth control is not a medical condition. It is a choice. Why should I or anybody else have to pay for other people’s choices? Do I have to buy you dinner before you use the birth control?

No, Bill, you would not. I certainly wouldn't expect someone with the courting capacity of the common caveman to buy me a damned thing. And let's be frank here: the kind of woman who would let a man like you paw at her wouldn't have enough self-respect or education to use birth control anyway. She'd believe you when you told her she could avoid pregnancy by jumping up and down on the bed. Or she's psychotic enough to want to have your babies. How does it feel to take advantage of the mentally handicapped, Bill?

Furthermore, you'll need to save your money for the coctail of rophynol, GHB and ketamine it would take to get any sane woman, including this one, within 2,000 miles of your bed. Bill, you are birth control. You're also the best damned argument ever as to why Viagra shouldn't be covered.

Besides, Viagra is like elective surgery. You won't die without it, so why should I have to pay for it? If I have to buy you dinner before you use the Viagra, I hope you enjoy starving to death.

Gah. I need to scrub the nasty images out of my mind. I feel like my entire body needs to be bleached inside and out. What has the power to stop my heebie-jeebies and make me happy once more?

I know!

We have a unique opportunity right now to send Karl Rove to jail, but only if we take immediate action.

All we have to do is pressure the 40 members of the House Judiciary Committee, make them hold Rove in contempt and send him to jail. We've never had such a direct opportunity to hold Rove accountable. No, this is not enough punishment for his years and years of crimes, but it's a huge start, and will send a very clear message to the entire Bush administration.

Ooo, a petition to bust Karl Rove! That has some amazing restorative powers, that does. Keep the dream alive...