On Thursday, the Utah House Natural Resources Committee passed a resolution expressing the legislature’s belief that “climate alarmists’ carbon dioxide-related global warming hypothesis is unable to account for the current downturn in global temperatures.” The resolution, which now goes to the full House for a vote, urges the EPA to not regulate pollution blamed for climate change “until a full and independent investigation of the climate data conspiracy and global warming science can be substantiated.” When some members of the committee questioned the “conspiracy” wording as “pretty inflammatory,” Rep. Mike Noel (R) claimed that climate change is “in fact a conspiracy to limit population not only in this country but across the globe”...I'm struggling to describe just how seriously fucking insane this shit is. I don't think we can call these people unhinged - they don't appear to have ever been hinged to begin with. My own dear mother was more coherent back before she got diagnosed and treated for her bipolar disorder, and the toaster was telling her that people were going to come take her away. I mean, at least the toaster was right.*
And then we had the raving bunch of nitwits who were oh, so delighted by D.C. getting snowed in, and continue to crow that it means global warming isn't happening. Listen: you may be playing dumbfuck games in the snow. Out here in Seattle, we're experiencing one of the warmest winters in memory. Haven't seen so much as a flake of snow. And we're going to have some seriously fucked frogs if things return to normal, because they've gotten all excited and think it's late March. Here's how global warming works, you fucktards:
But that's probably too sciency for these fucktards. So, here's some helpful analogies for the terminally hard-of-thinking:In reality, winter snows do not invalidate the reality that the planet just experienced the hottest decade on record. Scientists have been warning for decades that global warming would increase the severity of winter storms.
This past January was the warmest January on record for the planet. And as National Wildlife Federation climate scientist Amanda Staudt notes, winter storms are getting fiercer even as the season gets warmer. “The last few years have brought several unusually heavy snowstorms as warmer and moister air over southern states has penetrated further north, colliding with bitter cold air masses,” she explains.
You visit the casino every month for a year. You lose $5,000 in January, February, March, April, May, June, and July, then win a $5,000 jackpot in August, lose $5,000 in September, October, and November, then win a $20,000 jackpot in December. You've still lost $25,000 fucking dollars, and on average, you are a fucking loser. Just because you win big a couple of times doesn't mean you're beating the fucking house.
Or, try this: you spend January, February, March, April, May, June and July in a drunken stupor. In August, you get thrown in jail for public indecency with a farm animal. Then when you get out in September, you spend the next three months in a drunken stupor before spending two weeks in December sober because you got hospitalized for falling down the stairs while drunk, after which you are released and spend the final week in December guzzling down liquor. Yes, you had six weeks of sobriety, but you're still a fucking alcoholic.
Understand? No? Sigh. Well, some people do get beaten to death by the stupid stick at birth, and there's just not that much we can do about it. But shame on the shitheels who do know better, and play this "it's snowing so it can't be global warming!" game so that their polluter buddies can go on polluting, and so that they can get votes from the reality-oblivious.
Let me just say one last thing, and it's to those who, like Inhofe's press secretary, think their own dumbshit "jokes" are funny. Let me tell you something: it's not a fucking joke. Especially not for those whose nations are literally vanishing beneath rising seas.
We could do with a lot less crazy, a lot less "joking," and a fuck of a lot more legislators actually acting like responsible adults.
*For those of you worried I'm disrespecting me mudder, she laughs hardest at that joke. She's not afraid to have fun at the expense of the bad old days.