03 November, 2009

Evvil Halloween Candy! Eeeevvviiiilllll!

I know, Halloween's over.  But I'm sure some bags are still full of candy, and stupidity like this is everlasting:

First up from the God Machine this week is Halloween-related news from TV preacher Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network. In a truly bizarre piece, CBN published fears from Kimberly Daniels about Halloween, which, I assure you, was not a parody.
During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure ...
During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.
I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.
The CBN piece, which was eventually removed from the site out of embarrassment, went on to say, "While the lukewarm and ignorant think of these customs as 'just harmless fun,' the vortexes of hell are releasing new assignments against souls. Witches take pride in laughing at the ignorance of natural men (those who ignore the spirit realm).... The danger of Halloween is not in the scary things we see but in the secret, wicked, cruel activities that go on behind the scenes." These "scary things" include, according to the article, "orgies between animals and humans," "animal and human sacrifices," and "sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood."

My friend the Rev. Barry W. Lynn noted, "I've heard of the devil being in the details, but to think he's lurking inside a Snickers bar is a little too much. Pat Robertson has always peddled some scary stuff, but this is over the top."
Consider something.  If this kind of over-the-top idiocy was spouted by, oh, say, UFO buffs or some little cult in a compound in Buttfuck, Nowhere, then they'd be candidates for commitment to an insane asylum or a federal raid, or possibly both.  But they're Christians, so they're considered by the majority to be not only sane, but privy to the secrets of God hisownself. 

I'm not sure which is more insane - the "witches have cursed our candy!" crowd or the apologists who expect us to take this bullshit seriously.

1 comment:

Chris said...

I ate a Reese Cup one time and felt an almost irresistible urge to go out and buy a Hustler Magazine. Coincidence? I think not.