30 August, 2009

Creationists Practice Law

Unfortunately for them, even with practice they're no good at it.

Ed Brayton recently found two wonderful examples. In the first, Kent Hovind gives his bestest legal advice:

Kent Hovind may be in prison but that hasn't slowed down his production of moronic arguments. On his blog he posts a letter he wrote to Frank Lay, the principal of Pace High School in Florida who seems to have a difficult time distinguishing between his school and his church. In that letter, Hovind suggests a brilliant legal strategy:

From what I can glean from the newspaper articles that have been sent to me (I know, never trust what you read in the paper - I quit taking it when my parakeet died), it seems that Judge Rodgers ruled that school officials could not endorse religion or talk about their religious beliefs within the school's cases or at school sponsored events. If what I read on LifeSiteNews.com, June 4, is true, ACLU attorney Benjamin Stevenson said school officials have a responsibility to "protect the silently held religious views of others" and to be sure that no one will "impose their religious views" on others. One headline read, "Religion Banned from Santa Rosa Schools."

If this is indeed what the court and the ACLU intend then you need to begin removing the religion of evolution from your school's textbooks, tests, classes, and videos shown in class immediately! You certainly don't want to be held in contempt of court!

Evolution (not the misnamed micro-evolution that we all agree happens) is a religious world view that is not supported by science or common sense. You have been ordered to remove religion. This will be a great challenge since this particular religion is very thoroughly mixed into nearly all of your science and history books (not to mention math and literature).

I'm sure Kent's "legal" scheme for removing evolution from classrooms will work just as well as his "legal" scheme for avoiding paying his taxes did.

The second example, believe it or not, is even funnier:
Sandefur has an amusing post at the Panda's Thumb about the Institute for Creation Research lawsuit against the state of Texas for refusing to give them official accreditation to hand out advanced degrees to their ill-educated victims.

The word "herein" is sprinkled randomly throughout, rather like the way Miss Teen South Carolina sprinkles "such as." It occurs four times on page 2 alone-including "venue herein," whatever the heck that means. There are italics, boldface, ALLCAPS, and all sorts of different combinations herein, of course. There are delightful spelling errors ("advertizes"), rhetorical flourishes ("as if with a 'scarlet letter'"), and neologisms (I can't decide if "favoritistically" or "applicational bounds" is my favorite). Of course it quotes the Bible. It even has rhetorical questions! In a complaint!
Something tells me their chances for accreditation just got a fuck of a lot slimmer.

My best friend, who as a church-going Christian has had many opportunities to perform case studies, assures me that too much prayer rots the brain. He can add these examples to his body of evidence. With them, I do believe he'll have proved his case beyond a reasonable doubt.

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