07 June, 2008

Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

From the department of "you've got to be fucking kidding me:"

Just back from a two-week vacation, my friend Kevin Drum can’t help but notice what reporters consider the big news from the campaign trail: “[A]pparently the real news from the past couple of weeks is that Barack and Michelle Obama bumped their fists together at a campaign event. That’s news that produces video you can use! And use. And use. But I’ve only seen it three or four times since I turned the TV back on, so I hope we get another week or two of coverage of this momentous event.”

Yep, following up on an item from Thursday, the fist bump heard ’round the world is still a subject of considerable interest. If you’re just joining us, at their rally in Minnesota on Tuesday night, Barack and Michelle Obama shared a brief fist-pound (or “dap,” as the kids call it) in the
midst of their celebration. It was a cute, affectionate exchange — which the media seems utterly fascinated by.

For some, the moment offers some insight into the closeness between the would-be First Couple. For others, it’s a generational moment (we probably shouldn’t expect John and Cindy to exchange a similar greeting any time soon), which speaks to the Obamas’ youth and vitality.

And for some, it’s reminiscent of terrorists: “Teasing a segment on the ‘gesture everyone seems to interpret differently,’ Fox News’ E.D. Hill said: ‘A fist bump? A pound? A terrorist fist jab?’"

Oh my fucking god. Seriously? Seriously? Two Americans bump fists after a campaign victory and it's suddenly a "terrorist fist jab?" I mean, Faux News is completely fucking ridiculous, yes, but this is beyond batshit insane even by their standards.

You know what? I'm going to go to work tomorrow wearing a black-and-white paisley scarf - and I fucking hate wearing scarves, but I'm going to wear one - and I'm going to terrorist-fist-jab every fucking person in my building. We are going to revel in the fact that according to Faux News, we are fucking terrorists. Bring me my explosives vest, baby, yeah! Send me into the Faux News studio with those reality bombs!

This is why I am a liberal: we get odd sometimes, but at least most of us have our feet firmly planted in reality. I at least don't have to worry about our side running with a story on how John McCain has a lucky feather, and Osama bin Laden has a lucky charm, too, and OMG JOHN McCAIN'S A TERRORIST SYMPATHIZER!!!

I think we could, however, get some fact-based mileage out of the fact that George W. Bush kisses Saudi princes, Osama bin Laden's a Saudi connected to the royal family, therefore Bush lurrrvvveees Terrorists!!1!!11! Of course he loves them. They enabled him to get away with a shitload of fuckery these past eight years. They're the reason he gets to use the United States Constitution to wipe his ass after his morning fiber. Were I a power-mad born-again limp-brained psychopath, I'd be loving the terrorists, too.

I've utterly had it with the mind-boggling stupidity of the Republicon party. I truly have. McCain's campaign is now trying to redefine reality by saying that Obama's economic policies are more similar to Bush's than McCain's are - a fiction that Carpetbagger promptly destroys - and as if that's not inane enough, here's McCain's take on warrentless wiretapping:

Yesterday, the New York Times’ Charlie Savage reported that in a recent letter, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, top aide to Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), said McCain believes that the Constitution gave President Bush the authority to wiretap Americans without warrants. The actions “were Constitutional and appropriate in the wake of the attacks on September 11, 2001,” Holtz-Eakin said.

At a news conference yesterday, a reporter asked McCain whether Bush’s warrantless National Security Agency (NSA) surveillance program, exposed in December 2005, was illegal. McCain said it’s unclear whether Bush broke the law by spying on Americans without court approval. The Times reports:

“It’s ambiguous as to whether the president acted within his authority of not,’’ he said, saying courts had ruled different says on the matter. “I’m not interested in going back. I’m interested in addressing the challenge we face to day of trying to do everything we can to counter organizations and individuals that want to destroy this country. So there’s ambiguity about it. Let’s move forward.’’
Yes, by all means, let's move forward - without you, you assclown. I don't even have epithets enough for people as awesomely stupid as you.

I mean, how the fuck does anyone take these fucktards seriously? They're beyond pathetic - they're even beyond pathological at this point. Just take a look at this:

Herman Melville’s Captain Ahab became obsessed with searching for a great white whale. These days, some right-wingers are obsessing over the “great whitey tape.” Ahab’s search led him to a bad end, and I suspect the right wingers’ will as well. If you’re just joining us, the “great whitey tape” (GWT) is an alleged recording of Michelle Obama at a conference in Chicago ranting about how “whitey” has done a lot of bad things to African Americans. As the legend goes, she was standing alongside Louis Farrakhan when she said this. Or maybe his wife. Or his sister. Or maybe his third cousin twice removed from Hoboken.


A few people claim to have heard the tape. They describe it as "explosive” or “jaw-dropping.” But no one ever seems able to lay hands on it. That’s a good sign that it doesn’t exist. This is an age where
just about everything everybody does ends up on You Tube, yet something this shocking remains in the same class as the Loch Ness Monster — lots of claimed sightings but no corpse.

Isn't that always how it is with these people? No wonder they want to destroy science education - anyone with even the most rudimentary critical thinking skills can tear their batshit insane claims apart like wet tissue paper. And, believe it or not, their idiocy gets worse when we consider the origins of this supposed bombshell tape:

Given the evidence, the non-existent tape appears to be a work of fiction. In this case, I mean that literally — the rumors appear to have originated in a novel, published two years ago, about an African-American presidential candidate seeking the Democratic nomination. In the fictional story, the candidate’s enemies find a video of the presidential hopeful telling a radical black minister how he will “f**k whitey” if elected.

Greg Sargent and Eric Kleefeld concluded, “If this was the basis for the rumor, Obama was forced to respond not just to a rumor, but to one that was consciously based on a published work of fiction. Welcome to General Election 2008, everyone!”

Somebody needs to bring me a bucket. These reality-challenged assholes make me want to vomit. When the fuck are we going to rid ourselves of these psychos?

This song really says it all:

London After Midnight, "Psycho Magnet"


Efrique said...

Even if the lie attributed to Michelle Obama were true, why should it be controversial?

As a statement of fact, it's plainly true. Whitey has indeed done lots of bad things to African-Americans. So is it the use of the extremely mild term "whitey"? You're kidding me!? Compared to the insults hurled at atheists, that's a term of fucking endearment.

So what, exactly, is the deal, even if it's true? Are Americans so easily offended and scared?

On behalf of the rest of the world, can we have the big red button of Armageddon in the possession of someone with thicker skin than that?

sassy said...

Wonderful post, so well stated (the depressing facts as they are - SHIT ...)

Holding bucket. :-)

p.s. don't make it by as much as I'd like but when I do - - worth every word.


Dana Hunter said...

@Efrique: We're doing our best, my darling. We're doing our best. And yes, from what I've seen, Americans are indeed that easily offended and scared - especially the wingnuts. I mean, just look at how the reacted to a fucking paisley scarf...

@Sassy: Awww! I appreciate both the bucket and the kind words very much! It's always good to see you when you're able to make it by!