Happy Hour Discurso

Today's opining on the public discourse.

For once, we're going to have a Happy Hour where we don't obsess over the health care reform follies. There's just too much other good stuff to cackle over.

Take Bobby Jindal, whose little tail is tucked between his legs as he bravely runs away:

The list of embarrassed conservative critics of the stimulus package is already pretty long, but Gov. Bobby Jindal holds a special place at the top. No one has condemned and accepted recovery funds with quite as much shameless flair as the Louisiana Republican.

[snip]

But the hilarity really kicked in when Jindal took steps to apply for even more federal stimulus aid for -- you guessed it -- high-speed rail projects. Transportation officials from Jindal's administration had already sent federal officials the pre-application paperwork with the intention of building HSR linking Baton Rouge to New Orleans.

As news of Jindal's request made the rounds, the far-right Louisianan again became the subject of ridicule. MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, for example, singled the governor out as one of the worst people in the world. Just 48 hours later, Jindal reversed course.

Two days after a national commentator mocked Gov. Bobby Jindal for possibly requesting federal stimulus money to build a light rail system between New Orleans and Baton Rouge, the governor's transportation secretary wrote to President Barack Obama's administration saying Louisiana isn't interested.

"Please be advised that the Louisiana Department of Transportation and Development will not be applying for the High Speed AARA funds," state transportation chief William Ankner wrote to his federal counterpart, Secretary Ray LaHood. Ankner was referring to the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act. [...]

The news came as a surprise to business leaders who backed the idea and had participated in preliminary discussions with Ankner.

Something tells me Bobby's gonna have some 'splaining to do, starting with why he thinks it's better to fuck over his state rather than apologize for being a dumbfuck and smoothly switch course. Anything about the phrase "pride before a fall" strike a chord, there, Bobby?

While we're on the subject of embarrassing Southern politicians, let's check in with Mike Huckabee, who's apparently lending dubious credibility to the folks who mistake Newt Gingrich's fiction novels for reality:

In May, the Wonk Room’s Matt Duss noted that, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich — citing a fictional novel — told the 2009 American Israel Public Affairs Committee policy conference that the threat of an Electromagnetic Pulse attack against the United States was why he was in “favor” of “taking out Iranian and North Korean missiles on their sites.” The next month, the New Republic’s Michael Crowley reported that the “scientifically valid,” but “not strategically realistic” scenario was being used by “a cadre of conservative hawks” to argue for “familiar hobbyhorses” like missile defense and preemptive military strikes. Now, Dave Weigel reports that former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee is set to headline an upcoming conference on the threat of an Electromagnetic Pulse attack against the United States, titled “EMPACT America”...

They're so punny.

One of the dim bulbs who'll be attending the EMPACT America circus is Rep. Trent Franks of Arizona. Franks, it turns out, is not only happy to swallow Tom Clancy-Austin Powers hybrid hype whole, he's a shameless panderer:

About a month ago, Mike Stark asked several Republican lawmakers in D.C. if they believe the president is natural-born U.S. citizen. The vast majority of GOP members avoided answering the question -- some going to comical lengths to avoid Stark's easy inquiry. Rep. Trent Franks (R) of Arizona, however, gave "a correct and clear answer." Good for him.

That background, however, makes this local news report from Franks' district all the more curious. (via David Weigel)

The other main issue dealt with numerous speakers questioning Obama's birth certificate and why there wasn't an investigation into whether he is a naturalized citizen. One woman said a newspaper announcement of his birth in Hawaii was not sufficient. Another asked how he could have a passport without a birth certificate.

Franks said there was not enough evidence that Obama is not an American citizen. He did say there was a lot of conflicting evidence of Obama's citizenship and that he was considering filing a lawsuit, the only congressman to do so. Franks asked why the president did not simply produce a birth certificate. [emphasis added]

One speaker, a pre-school teacher, tearfully said Obama denounced the country as a Christian nation and warned he should learn a civics lesson. Franks agreed with her saying he was offended that Obama denigrated the country on an overseas trip and the president should speak in favor of the country when abroad.

First, just for the record, the "Christian nation" claim is absurd.

Second, and more important, is the notion that Franks might challenge the president's citizenship in court? I realize he's a right-wing lawmaker, but is he that mad?

Let me see, is there an R in front of his name? Then yes, he is that mad. At least when he's in front of the Crazy Clan Contingent of the Con party. When he's having to communicate with sane people, he tries to play the oh-so-reasonable "but I just want Obama to lay these speculations to rest" card:

Congressman Franks' press secretary, Bethany Haley, got in touch with Glenn Thrush of the Politico and released a statement. Franks still believes Obama was born in the United States; he just cannot figure out why the President won't put all the speculation to rest by releasing his long-form birth certificate. (You know, the one verified by Fact-Check.org, verified and then reverified by Hawaiin officials, and backed up by contemporaneous newspaper reports.)

You know what, assmunch? The President's done all he needs to in order to prove his citizenship. He doesn't need to open himself up to identity theft to satisfy you fucktards. And playing to the Birthers just makes you look like a total fucking outrageous idiot, and reminds me why I don't like to praise Cons for doing the right thing - they just come back later and bite you on the arse. Something else they have in common with rabid dogs, there.

Other news on the Birther front is rather more amusing. They have a new obsession - the Presidential Penis:

The General digs up the, ah, hot tip:

The fine Real Americans at the Free Republic have found Obama's achilles heel: his Long Dark Staff of White Insecurity.

hoosiermama:
The only other thing that hit me was that Sinclair said BO was not circumcised. When my son was born in a hospital that was done as a matter of routine without even consulting us. Would the same be for Hawaii? OTOH People born at home or in some other cultures are not circumcised.

thecodont:
A relative of mine was born (in a hospital) a couple of years after BO's alleged birth date. He was circumcised also (as a matter of routine, not according to any family request).

[snip]

Natural Born 54
I am having a vision of a court room scene. The judge turns to O sitting in the witness chair to his left and says “I am sorry, Mr. President, but I am going to have to ask you to stand and drop trou .....”

Anyone remember how Republicans wound up obsessing over Bill Clinton's Johnson, ad nauseam, even on TV? I remember Ann Coulter speculating over Paula Jones' claims about the shape and behavior of the Mighty Clenis, as we came to call it.

Now, I guess, they get to do the same for Obama's unit. This should get entertaining.

Can somebody please tell me why rabid right-wingers are so damned obsessed with Democratic schlongs? They should really get some psychoanalysis for that.

Now, you're going to ask me, "Dana - how can you possibly top that for stupid news?" And the answer is, I cannot. But I do have Sean Hannity awaiting the Vox Dei, which is hilarious in its own right:

2012 may just be the most awesome (and most frightening) sociological experiment ever:

Talk-show host Sean Hannity, a vocal opponent of Barack Obama's policies, said today he would not rule out a bid for the presidency in 2012.

Egged on by radio colleague Bill Cunningham, Hannity said he would consider entering the front lines of the political fray if God directs him.

That's also Sarah Palin's response. So God might have quite a sense of humor (and he's a bit of a dick).

Ah, but we mustn't forget the other 2012 hopeful-if-God-tells-me-to-run. And Bachmann's taken religion, politics and dumbfuckery to the next level:

On Wednesday Rep. Michele Bachmann was part of a star-studded “teletownhall” meeting to discuss health-care reform. The event, billed “Keeping Faith with the Unborn,” was sponsored by the Susan B. Anthony List, an anti-abortion advocacy group.

[snip]

The 6th district Republican quoted the late British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, attacked Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius for receiving political contributions from a medical doctor who was murdered in May, and called on everyone to get down on their knees and pray that health care reform fails. Bachmann didn’t always make sense, but she undoubtedly scared the living daylights out of anyone on the line.

Bachmann repeated the myth, adopted early by Sarah Palin, that the health-care plans being debated in Congress would set up “death panels” to determine which old folks are entitled to health care. “Thank God that Sarah Palin said that,” she told the callers. “These are true.”

[snip]

She also suggested that it might be some kind of religious destiny that hardy souls such as herself are in Congress at this time.

Believe it or not, she only got nuttier from there. Fundalicious, my friends!

So, it looks like 2012 is shaping up to be a wingnut three-way. Who will God choose? And will the evil bastard call all three to run, therefore inaugurating the most unforgettable primary evah?

Looking at the way the political landscape's shaping up for 2012, I can almost believe the Mayans were right...