Happy day after festivities, when many of you are contemplating neon orange socks or other useless gifts, and wondering who this year is going to piss you off enough to assuage the guilt of regifting.
Some of you might not be contemplating anything due to your pounding hangover. In that case, you've done Christmas right. I just hope you remembered not to do anything that would have continuing effects:
I know of at least one person who wasn't considering the consequences of their actions:
He'd best not wear any tight shirts whilst that chest hair's growing back in. Women know what I mean.
Speaking of hair, someone wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas:
I apologize for any nightmares that might result.
I do hope your holiday photos turned out well. Certainly they couldn't be much worse than this:
Moral: be careful what you're wearing when you take your kiddie to see Santa.
I hope that, along with the neon orange socks and the candy you can't eat due to tree nut allergies and that sort o' thing, that you got something well worth having. Conspicuous consumption is, after all, the reason for the season.
No, alas. The best presents ever were discontinued due to the potential for third-degree burns and radiation poisoning. But I suppose endless boxes is some consolation.
Some cats are confused by our traditions:
If your cat asked you that question, you should show him or her this educational video:
After all, it's only 364 days until the next Conspicuous Consumption Day. Education can never start too early.
Just don't get so wrapped up in educating your cat that your forget the after-Christmas clearance sales. You'll need hideous wrapping paper for the regifting you plan to do, but there's no reason to pay full price for it.
Rest up, my darlings. We all need to be in prime shape for the New Year, after all.