Happy Hour Discurso - Mad Libs Edition

Today's opining on the public discourse.

I'm stuck in an all-day training, which means no internet access for eight fucking hours. Generally, I'm able to sneak in a wee bit o' checking ye olde email during the slower times in the evening, but today I shall have to do it during lunch. What with soliciting captains for the HMS Elitist Bastard and having to figure out who's helming in July - PZ Myers or John Pieret - on top of wanting to catch up with my regular commenters, I've decided that today's the day for you all to have your bit of fun.

Discurso practically writes itself, and today you'll get to see why.

Here's the game: I'll post the outline. You'll have a range of political blogs to retrieve the details from. Copy and paste snippets for each number, post your response in comments, and voila - we've got a complete Discurso post. It's just so fucking sad that I can predict exactly what categories we'll have no trouble finding pieces for.

Right. Ready? Here's your links to political sites:

The Carpetbagger Report
Digby's Hullaballoo
Political Animal
Talking Points Memo
Think Progress
Salon - Glenn Greenwald
The Huffington Post

Make sure to copy and paste the URL of each article you're thieving from. Quick tip: if you right-click on the permalink, then click "copy shortcut," you'll get the link fast and easy. If you don't know how to hyperlink, don't worry about it. Have snarky commentary to add? Embrace your profanity and blast away.

We're set. Let's play Discurso Mad Libs!

Another day, another revelation of just how fucked up and illegal the Bush Regime is:

[1]

I used to think that a fat book would be written on the illegalities, insane power plays, and dumbassitude of the Bush years, but at this point, it looks like a library will be necessary. And that's just if we're doing summaries rather than details. Somebody tell me why we voted this fucktard into office twice.

And here's McCain, trying for a trifecta of dumbfuckery:

[2]

With ideas and policies like that, he expects us to elect him? It's true that a sucker's born every minute - but it takes eighteen years before they're allowed to vote, and I'm hoping like hell the suckers that have already reached voting age have wised up just enough to stay the fuck home this November - or vote Libertarian. Bob Barr wants you to give McCain the finger!

Well, two fingers, if you're an Anglophile.

Of course, with a media like this, it's a little hard to keep up hope:

[3]

Is there any end to the assclownery? Since when did becoming a "journalist" mean having the rational centers of your brain expunged? You'd think these stupid fuckers would've learned by now. Maybe they've been crossbred with magpies: they're certainly easily distracted by shiny propaganda, they have the attention span of a goldfish with ADD, and their love of meaningless trivia puts even the most rabid Trivial Pursuit fan to shame.

Maybe if I just stay drunk until January. Maybe then it won't hurt so bad.